Dd13 screaming and shouting

[Bagladygirl]

And I just know how to deal with it

aibu to confiscate phone and be tough m

or do I just levee it let her scream and shout and it will blow over

More info needed - what is she screaming and shouting about? Is it a one off because something has upset her or is her behaviour always poor?

Welcome to ten age girls!
Pick you battles but lay down the law if she doesn't stick to it take phone off her

This. Context is everything

Don't set the bar so low. Not all teenaged girls shout and scream, it isn't a foregone conclusion.

Context is important.

Taking the phone off her as a natural consequence due to poor phone behaviour or because it is a previously set out sanction. Taking her phone off her because you are pissed off at her and wat to inflict a punishment on her to feel bad is not ok.

I agree that more context is needed.
Also I would think long and hard if anyone else in the house is screaming and shouting in case of disagreements. It usually set an example.

bevause she is really upset over a boy

Maybe you should wait for her to calm down and then talk to the poor girl.

Welcome to teenage parenting 🤣 all about context here- hard to advise.

I let her calm down in the end and just talked to her calmly.
not really he dumped her for a reason she doesn't know so was upset however everything just gets taken out on me and she was excessively screaming and shouting and swearing at me

This kind of response sets a kid up for big issues in future, shutting her down and punishing her expressing her feelings is awful advice

while it may feel very uncomfortable to hear the screams etc it’s kind of a healthy reaction tbh, in her world this issue is huge and deeply upsetting. Please don’t dismiss her feelings. Is it possible that she’s using this big display to provoke some kind of reaction and get the attention she needs right now?
Let her have her feelings and get on board with how upsetting this must be for her. It’s likely that if she sees real empathy from you and it feels safe to connect she will calm down

I’d be making it very clear that no matter what has happened, screaming and shouting at you is not on. Talk it through yes, but becoming abusive is not acceptable. I am a very relaxed parent, but very strict on this kind of thing. I made it clear long before the teen years that I will not be spoken to rudely or have any shouting and screaming. I grew up in a household with lots of shouting due to my mum’s (untreated) mental illness and her and my dad constantly arguing / shouting. So for me, any shouting is triggering. I’d have a chat with her about it when she is calm, make it clear what’s acceptable and what’s not. Sometimes taking the phone is a good punishment, as obviously most teens are glued to their phone. But i’d give her warning that will happen the next time she speaks to you like that.

What actually happened between the two of you? What did you say? How often does this happen? Is it the norm with her , or a one off because she's really upset?

When she 's calm tell her you understand she's hurting , but her language is unacceptable. This is her last warning. Next time she does it, phone goes away and stick with it.

Being upset is ok, being angry is ok , how she expressed those feelings in this instance , wasn't.

I think you're right and she has been getting worse for this and I think it's around this boy and the phone but I don't think yesterdsy was the time to deal with that.
the moods and shouting have become more frequent but this was something else
when I try to empathises and help her in the moment she gets more angry at me and will scream more

Yep it's triggering for me but when it gets to that level
woth her it's like she won't listen or calm back down

She won't even talk to me this morning she's acting in a mood with me and I know it's all about this boy
She won't let me help or talk to me she just completely pushes me out

I would ask her to shut up.

No phone no wifi no treats.
She is 13. No sen? Spoilt.

In 2 weeks without improvement I would book an hour or two of youth theraphy to make sure she is adviced and taken care of if she didn't talk to me or her dad.

Does she usually have problems regulating her emotions? I have a friend who's 45 and she still screams and shouts about men. She just control her emotions. My teenage daughter will go quiet when upset. She never screams.

Poor kid! She obviously doesn't have the emotional and social skills to deal with whatever is going on for her. Your job in the moment is to help her calm down, and then in the longer term, teach her those skills. That's parenting. They don't know anything! And we teach them by modeling it ourselves, and by being supportive and on their team, so that when we have to tell them difficult things like, "Honey, I know you were upset and angry yesterday, but it is never ever okay to talk to another person the way you spoke to me then. I absolutely will not be spoken to like that again. I will help you find a different way to react when you feel unabe to manage what's going on, but what happened yesterday is not it" they believe and trust our guidance.

Model the respect you wish to be shown by treating her with respect.

Why on earth would you take her phone away?

If a friend of yours arrived at your front door in such distress that she couldn't even tell you what was wrong, do you think it would be helpful to sternly confiscate her belongings until she got a grip? Treat your daughter with the same care as you would any other person.

You don't have to have SEN to find these emotions difficult as a teen. For her it will be devastating

My DD was exactly the same - all negative emotions taken out on me and she was unable to control her self or listen to reason during these teenage tantrums. And so after a while and trying different things I treated them like a toddler tantrum which over time really worked. So I would sit with her as long as she wasn't being abusive towards me. As soon as the shouting got personal I would calmly say - I am going to the kitchen, come and find me when you are calm to talk it through. And then I would walk out. Sometimes I would have to repeat this a number of times in one tantrum. Then we would have a good chat and hug afterwards. As she got older the time to calm down got smaller and smaller and now at 20 she asks for time alone to calm down. I also always made her apologise and explained how words can hurt.

You will find what works for you but space to safely have emotions is crucial but you don't have to endure being her outlet for emotions. And they really do need, just like toddlers, lots of love and clear boundaries.

We like to talk to our teenagers, support them, try to make their day better then they struggle.

Most teenagers will have heartbreaks (or other challenges 24/7). The solution is not to shout, scream and show off at the expense of others.

We as parents do not want to facilitate it. Forget about it.

No but a non sen kid 13 yo doesn't need to act like that.

This. I never get posts like this. Absolutely no way I’d put up with a 13 year old screaming and shouting.