Could your family move past this?

[Reu]

BIL slapped the back of my sister’s hand because she was changing songs by touching the car’s centre screen. He slapped it without saying a word and then explained it was impacting his field of view. They were not fighting.

How would your family respond to such an incident?

I don’t know- I was about to say ‘but what if they were just messing…’ but no I’d feel uncomfortable and probably say did you just hit her hand away?

It was not a tap.

It depends on the nature of the slap. Was it a whack or a little tap because she was interrupting driving concentration?

An absolute non event in my family.

He was very angry almost vitriolic when explaining his action

I’d ask him wtf he thinks he is doing while fantasising about punching him square in the face.

it was an absolute explosive moment of anger.

Would you continue to interact with him?

Its hard to know without seeing it, but I may be concerned about dv if it was hard and she didn't seem surprised. Talk to her in a calm way, don't sound too concerned to try and minimise the chance of her covering it up if its the case.

Have you asked your sister how she feels about him? If there’s anything going on? Is this sort of thing his usual behaviour?

In that case he needs to be gone. If anyone saw it, report it to the police. If he can do that so easily it’s who he is.

Done so casually in front of you? Makes you wonder what goes on when there are no witnesses.
I once had a brutal black eye following face planting the pavement. I will never forget the kind colleague who took me to one side and quietly asked if there was anyone I felt unsafe with. I didn't but if I had needed someone to talk to it could have been a life saver.
Please ask the question.

Why are the whole family involved? It's up to your sister to decide what to do

The drip feeding extras would ring alarm bells but it's not your buisness

mumsnet has advised me to tactically keep quiet so as to not alienate my sister from the family

I would have had asked him what the fuck does he think he is doing to my sister and has he lost his ever loving mind.

Definitely reporting to the police on the non emergency number op.

I would ask her but I find driving quite stressful and someone messing about with the radio would probably irritate me, although I wouldn't slap them
I wouldn't stop interacting with him based on one incident it would depend on what his behaviour is like the rest of the time. Abuser's are usually very careful so it may not be that.

Sorry I am really not meaning to drip feed. Just wanting to share the event in as factual way as possible.

Absolutely not. Unless it was to ask him why he was still there. DV enrages me to the point i don’t care who the man is I will say something.
I saw a man pull his partners hair while I was driving past them out of the corner of my eye. My son looked at me at the same time and we both questioned what just happened. I reversed back down the road and asked her if she was ok. He spoke 3 times saying he slapped her bum playing and she laughed awkwardly. I didn’t want to press it and make it worse for her that night so I went home and downloaded the car dash cam footage. We watched it over and over to make sure we were correct with what we saw. I found out which house it was and reported it. Haven’t seen him for months.

I personally despise him. Lots of weird controlling behaviour in the past. Never thought it would extend to actual physical abuse. It was red mist and a flash of pure rage. He could not control himself even in front of others

It depends if you are willing to rock the boat. If your sister needs protecting the whole family should be rallying to it. Mumsnet doesn’t need to tell you to allow domestic abuse

Sister went quiet after 😢

She used to never take shit from anyone

He must have her where he wants her. Sadly it can take extremes for people to build up to get out of situations they shouldn’t be in.

Why are you second guessing yourself?

I'd not say anything at the time. He is driving. That puts him in power. Risk of agravting him is too great.
But also if he is getting that angry and stressed when driving (which isn't a particularly stressful thing to do...) then I'd be guessing his coping mechanisms aren't that great.

Does your sister change around him?... Yes... Just seen your update.

I'd hate him too.