If you could go back and do things differently, would you? And what would you change?

[thecherryfox]

I know there are so many lovely people on here of different ages, and I’m just curious about your lives. Is there anything you wish you done differently that would have changed the outcome of your life? I believe every choice we make leads to another path and another path off of that one and so on -so if we didn’t make the initial choice (no matter how small) of one path, it wouldn’t have led to the end result. So, is there anything you would have changed and in what way would your life be different than it is now?

I would have started a pension once my career started
Saved for a deposit and bought a home earlier than I have done
I also would have had another child
Never had picked up a cigerette; I’m now a non- smoker but unfortunately caused irreversible damage to my lungs which impacts my quality of life at times

I'd give myself the advice that my parents and teachers never gave me. Keep trying for Oxford. Don't settle for boyfriends who treat you badly. Know your worth. It is not "getting ideas above your station" to want to excel.

If I can do one thing for my daughter it will be to give her self-esteem.

Being honest, never have met DH, we’ve been together a long time but it’s been very tough and the lows have outweighed the highs sadly. But then again I wouldn’t have my beautiful children the best things in my life.

I looked at my family growing up and though nope im not going to be like you lot.
So nothing i would change.
Ive got a nice life no kids no man no drama no pets.
Travel when and where i want.
I started to saved early.

I would go back to when I was five and change everything if I could.

As that's not possible, I would like to have spent more time with my Nana and Granddad, I really loved them and I'm not sure they knew how much, but I did.

I would change the entire trajectory of my life. From age 15/6, I'd do better at school. Get better grades. I'd go to university straight out of school. I'd them immediately study post grad qualifications. I'd work solidly. Earn $$$$. Travel. I wouldn't be pressured into having kids. I'd set myself up for success ... I'd do me. Not what others wanted.

Boring but…. Starting a pension earlier and understanding the power of compound interest as pensions need time to build.

I would have broken up with my husband on the fifth date.

Not missed a smear appointment, 5 mins of embarrassment verses a year of chemo and radiotherapy.
Don't miss your appointments ladies.

Got on the plane and train......avoidance for fear of not being able to get off/panic. Now it feels too far gone to get back the care free travel I used to have

Had more kids, I'd love a houseful and a big family, however mentally I know I couldn't cope. So like a regret but I'd need a different mental state to cope with it, does that count?!

I regret so much and find myself ruminating on the past and wishing that I'd done it all differently.

I wouldn't have gone out with my first proper boyfriend. He treated me really badly and I've suffered terribly from mh issues since, which have really impacted my life. I wasn't even that interested in him when we met but he seemed really keen and I was flattered. I wish someone had told me about love bombing back then. I had zero self-esteem after we broke up which lead to other bad decisions in relationships, I just didn't know my worth and didn't believe I deserved any better. Still, all is well that ends well and now in my 50s I am finally with a decent bloke who has really shone the light on all of the arseholes I wasted my energy on.

I think the main thing I would have done differently is chosen a different career. I spent 35 years in a job that made me anxious and unhappy. Once kids came along it was hard to change careers. Happy to say I have been able to change direction now but feel I wasted so many years being unhappy.

Applied for Oxbridge (didn’t want to leave Scotland for uni at the time)

Went to Australia after I was made redundant with a good package in my 20s

not got fat

I can't think of anything I had control over that I would go back and change.

I would like to have been born into a different family. Mine are nice enough but we have nothing in common besides DNA.

I would never have gotten married
Never have had children
Focused more on my career
Saved more
Had better boundaries

Wished I had never started smoking as it the only cause that can pinned down for causing my Rheumatoid Arthritis. Probably there are others but none like genetics that can be discovered.

I am, however, grateful that I did a lot of extended travel before the RA struck, so I don't have the regret of never have done it or having waited until I took early retirement, which would have been 55 and by then I would have not been able to do it.

I am also grateful that when doing a lot of extended solo travel, no one tried to make me worried about my safety or guilt me about leaving my fit and active mother alone. The only thing that mum ever made me promise was to not drive a car during a British winter (we're Australian, the Continent was never even up for consideration for me).

I don’t regret anything, really. But I wish I’d given a bit more thought to what jobs I might actually enjoy that offer some stability, rather than just pursuing my interests at university.

I spent a lot of time with a relative in hospital recently and got thinking that I could probably have been pretty happy as an X ray technician. I could have pursued that line of work rather than getting a humanities degree and floundering about for a decade in poorly paid and disproportionately stressful / competitive publishing jobs, facing redundancy every five minutes, while peers all built careers with prospects for progression.

I would have picked the other college offer.

I wouldn’t have dated that married man.

I would have travelled with that redundancy.

I would have kissed, that night on the doorstep.

I would have shagged that friend, even once.

I would never have settled and ignored my lack of attraction to my husband.

This is so cliché and I'm sorry, but I don't think I'd change anything because everything I did has enabled me to end up where I am now, and I wouldn't change that for anything.

I so wish I had never married my ex, never mind stay married for so long. Affected me badly financially, had an impact on my career, and affected my MH and has left me with CPTSD.

Would have got an early diagnosis for autism instead of waiting till I was in my 50s

Insisted that there was something medically wrong with me and that it wasn’t that I was unfit or lazy or had a low pain threshold. 20 years to get a diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis and I cried the day I did as it meant I was finally believed.

Wish I’d agree to meet dh a few years earlier (arranged marriage) as he really is my soulmate. Had a third child. But wasn’t to be. All in all though I’m quite happy with my lot but the ravages of the RA and not being on medication when I should have been has definitely affected me.

As a PP said, break up with my ex as soon as the red flags were waving.