AIBU to not replace phone

[Mumworried1]

Ds 12 lost his iPhone 2 weeks ago, he has also lost his yearly bus pass which was on his phone but that I can get a refund.
oh thinks he should save up his pocket money then buy himself a new phone but this will take months. He gets £10 a week for context.
This is actually the second phone he has lost in 2 years.
my son is asking for a contract phone and will pay £20 out of his pocket money for it but his dad says no as he needs to learn his lesson.
I have found some second hand phones for around £60, my son is desperate for me to buy one and he will give me his pocket money each week he says But his dad is very against this.
my son has been crying, he says he’s bored as he usually watches YouTube on the bus to and from school and he also can’t msg his friends.
What would you all do in this situation.
unreasonable to buy new phone now?

I think YABU to have given him a smartphone in the first place at that age. If he needs to contact you, you can get a decent Nokia dumbphone from argos for about £25.

Imo I think we will look back on kids that age being given smartphones the same as we do now of parents who gave their kids a pack of cigarettes and a lighter

I wouldn't go the contract phone until hes stopped losings phones, but can't see an issue with buying him the £60 one and him paying you back each week out of his pocket money. He'd still be learning a valuable lesson about finances from that. Lots of adults effectively buy things that way, by paying a portion of it off each week.
ETA: forgot the of

In future, insure it.

Do you have any phone insurance, I get mine with my bank account?

If he's paying for it himself height be less likely to lose it.

Sadly today's friendships are very much phone dependant.... Get him a cheap phone he needs to do chores to pay off... My dc never had a contract phone until they earned and paid their own!!

I know shouldn’t really give him a smart phone but when all their friends have one it’s hard, it was the 11 so not the latest version mind.
and yes I was silly not insuring it

My dd is a tiny bit scatty from time to time. She has a refurbished iPhone8 and almost no data. She downloads stuff to watch on journeys (she walks 2 miles to school and back with friends, so doesn’t use her phone then).

I think Yabu to not replace the phone. It’s a normal part of life as a kid at secondary school. They use it to track homework assignments, WhatsApp friends, and keep in touch with social life.

I would get a cheap second hand phone and then it matters a lot less if he loses or damages it.

I think it is fine to make a point and say he must be careful, but it’s very easy to lose something small out of a pocket.

Also I assume you have “find my phone” switched on and he has battery life sufficient to track it. Couldn’t you see where it was? If not why not?

Just get a cheap secondhand phone to replace it. An android won't cost that much

Don’t be ashamed of giving him a smartphone. Most kids have one. It is worth him getting used to the responsibility of having something valuable and simply replacing it doesn’t teach him much . So a downgrade feels appropriately punitive to me.

PS my dd uses an app on her phone to pay for things when she’s out - we put money on that account so we can see where she spends it. None of her friends carry cash. He will need a smartphone for that soon unless you want him losing the tenner you gave him for spends on the school trip and so on.

My dd has a zip pocket inside her blazer where her phone stays during school. She lost her phone in y7 but we tracked aand found it. I lost mine too a few months later and tracked it down!

These things happen.

I would get a cheap second hand phone and a sim only deal. My ds gives me his phone whenever he updates and I pay £6 per month which is plenty of minutes and data for me.
Are you sure the phone is lost and not stolen?
My boys were mugged and robbed at knife point more times than I can remember.

Nothing wrong with a 12yo having a smartphone - don't let people make you feel stupid for it. It's normal (well, around here anyway).

At that age I would be buying him a cheap second-hand phone with a cheap simcard in it. And get it insured!

Thanks all, I was thinking getting a cheap phone & making him pay me back. His dad is very against this and says I’m being stupid to consider doing this.

I think your oh is being really unfair and ott. Your son made a mistake, he's learning the consequences of this and I cannot see why he can't have a refurbished phone for £60 if he pays for it out of his own money, maybe paying you back £10 a week. That seems like a proportional consequence. How will he be able to have his bus pass without a phone? Is your oh happy for him to have no way of contacting you if the bus breaks down, is late etc

Yes that is my argument but oh doesn’t care much about that.
thats why was asking on here to get more opinions.
also everything was turned off and phone was on do not disturb my son is saying.
I actually didn’t think about maybe it could have been stolen, he is saying he lost it or left on bus but he is vulnerable so who knows.

He is vulnerable-do you mean learning difficulties?

my son is asking for a contract phone and will pay £20 out of his pocket money for it

Do you mean he gets £40 a month and says he will pay half of it if you get him a £20 contract phone?

Nokia feature phone that has WhatsApp and a cheap SIM. Until he saves IP for his own smart phone that he buys outright. He can do additional jobs to earn extra money.

DD and I both have Nokia / HMD smart phones, bought out right £150 each, phones themselves are excellent, her SIM costs me £3.99 a month and mine is £9 a month. More than enough texts, minutes and data for both of us. Nokia prides themselves on sustainability and design he phones so that you can carry out common repairs like screen replacements at home.

Don't get him another contract phone

Team DH here. Whatever replacement he wants, he can save for it himself, however long that takes.

That's actually what will help him to learn some responsibility.

Get him a non smart phone and a good book to read on the bus.

Get a second hand unlocked phone (CEX, backmarket, etc) and a basic sim only phone deal (Lebara, giffgaff, etc). He can pay out of his pocket money if that’s what you want to do.

He's vulnerable??? To be honest, I'm surprised you're asking and your DH is a dick.

Get the child a phone and let his pocket mo ey pay the insurance if you must, but don't let the child go with no phone if he's vulnerable too.

Also nothing wrong with a smart phone at that age.

Given it's an iPhone have you tried logging onto icloud.com on the web and using find my phone to track it?

Team Mum here. Negotiate to find a way that works for your DH and get DS a replacement phone.

I'd get him a phone. But a cheaper one. Put life360 on it so you can track it.

Don’t be so ridiculous

Go look at the evidence