AIBU to not replace phone

[Mumworried1]

Ds 12 lost his iPhone 2 weeks ago, he has also lost his yearly bus pass which was on his phone but that I can get a refund.
oh thinks he should save up his pocket money then buy himself a new phone but this will take months. He gets £10 a week for context.
This is actually the second phone he has lost in 2 years.
my son is asking for a contract phone and will pay £20 out of his pocket money for it but his dad says no as he needs to learn his lesson.
I have found some second hand phones for around £60, my son is desperate for me to buy one and he will give me his pocket money each week he says But his dad is very against this.
my son has been crying, he says he’s bored as he usually watches YouTube on the bus to and from school and he also can’t msg his friends.
What would you all do in this situation.
unreasonable to buy new phone now?

OP don’t listen to all the perfect parents on here who think giving them smart phones is the same as giving them drugs. My daughter has an old one of mine and I feel reassured by knowing I can see where she is when she’s out. She can do all sorts of with it- it’s not all disappearing into social media. It’s how they engage with their friends now but she also uses it for games, music, managing her money, puzzles, doing cool stuff with photos.
Having said that I do agree with your OH. He shouldn’t have another smart phone until he can prove her can look after it. Even £60 is too expensive for him to just be careless with it. If he had to save up a couple of months for it it might teach him to take better care of it

Buy him a book for the bus

How has he lost it? Do you not have a tracker on it if it’s a iPhone!

And a bag to vomit into when it makes him travel sick

Sorry I actually agree with his Dad on this, he's lost no one but 2 phones (if it was one I'd give him the benefit of the doubt). He does need to learn to look after it better.

Make him save up for a second hand phone, 5-6 weeks without it won't kill him and he may take better care of the new one if he knows he won't get an immediate replacement if he losses it.

We gave DS, an old smartphone to start with, it wasn't until he hadn't lost it for 2 years did I buy him a new one. With the threat that if he losses it he gets the old one back.

Can he not use his pocket money to buy the £60 phone, will take him a month an a half. Your DH will be happy as he has payed for it himself and hopefully he will learn his lesson, but will not take to long to achieve.

He's vulnerable but he's OK to have a smart phone? Sounds like a recipe for disaster. Maybe he should read a book on the bus.... or get him a "stupid phone" with no Internet access.

The second phone he’s lost. He needs to learn to take better care of his phone. I would buy a secondhand replacement and let him pay for it, but I would make him pay for it before he has the replacement.

Like the billions before him, I'm sure he'll manage...

If a book makes him travel sick then so would looking at his phone. DD can't even read a text for me while she's a passenger, let alone watch a video.

Have you called the bus company to see if it was found/handed in?

If he can't look after a smart phone, I think you should get him a cheap dumbphone and see if he can look after it properly for 6 months. If no further incidents, then consider a smartphone.

Alternatively, could you get him a smart watch that you can use to contact him when he is out and about (you can get cheap kids smart watches on amazon for about £30) and then a tablet at home for if he wants to watch videos.

I think you and your husband need to agree, if he has already told your son no then you really need to back him up rather than undermine his parenting.
I get really annoyed if I’ve said no to something for my husband to say yes, however your son does need a phone especially if vulnerable, I would get a ‘dumb phone’ for him to be able to contact you on until you can agree what you are are going to do, if it’s going to be a lengthy battle.
If your husband hasn’t specifically said no to your son, but has said to you he’d rather you didn’t, the second hand phone and sim only bundle with your son paying it back sounds reasonable so he may agree once he’s had a think about it.

At this point, not having a smart phone means little to no contact with friends and missing out on social activities and outside classes or academics. It's also a way to plan days and weeks, set alarms, note important test days, appointments, and yes, is entertainment. He will have a harder time texting if there's an emergency. It's a necessity of modern life.

Are you ready for a preteen who's been left behind socially? Can't text you?

Buy the cheap one and have him pay you weekly. Plus have him save up for a good portion of a new phone. He's not being responsible and having a lesser phone that he has to pay for is a good consequence.

Your son has lost two phones I would be buying him a cheap.and cheerful one and making him pay for it and certainly would not be getting him a contracted one.

Get the boy a bloody phone. I know people will disagree and say he needs to learn his lesson but I say life’s too short and it’s a massive issue in his life not to have a phone so he won’t have lost it on purpose. I can’t bear people wanting children to consider everything in life the same way a 40 year old would, he’s a kid life is hard enough at that age is it really worth the upset

And to add of course he needs a smart phone is there even any other option? A grandma or prison phone? Don’t be ridiculous, let him watch his YouTube on the school bus 😢 I’m actually heartbroken for him but then again again I do have a lot of sympathy for boys of this age

@ZoeDavoMCR Agree with all you've said

OMG what drama, DS will get his phone banned for a week at a time (often it ends up just being a few days) if he misbehaves. They don't need a smartphone at all.

All the software for homework and such is accessible through webbrowsers. Which means they can do homework on computers, laptops or tablets. There is no requirement for a smartphone for school at all. I do see an issue with some travel companies insisting on apps, but there should be alternatives really. Social wise he does contact his friends by WhatsApp, but sees them at school so can always tell them he's no phone temporarily.

Get him the £60 phone and a cheap SIM contract. However the real issues here are
A. You and your DH need to be together on this.
B. Why is your son losing 2 phones that can't be tracked?
So before you hand over the phone make sure if has a tracker app that you see at all times, that his location history is switched on, stick an Airtag on as well. Make sure he has a plan/secure pouch to check before he gets off bus. Most of all ,double check the losing 2 phones story. We have always got lost phones back even when switched off.

Sadly as others have said, friendships are dependent on smartphones in a lot of ways in recent times, and I personally wouldn’t see my son ostracised for the sake of £60. He’s a kid, kids lose things, it’s parr for the course

There's a documentary on ch4 about a group of 12 yos that gave up their phones for 3 weeks. It's made me really think about when to allow my soon to be 11yo to have access to internet on her phone.

I think you and dad should be agreeing decisions like this otherwise you are causing conflict and inconsistent parenting which doesn’t create anything other than issues for both parents. Me personally would do a 3 strikes and then it’s a brick phone. Also try to make sure your son’s phone wasn’t actually stolen by a peer or something as if you do get him another one it could get stolen again.

I am actually in 2 minds over this. On one hand I absolutely agree with your OH. Your son needs to understand the value of money and that he's responsible for his own possessions. If he loses a phone, then he saves up and buys another one. If it takes several months, then maybe next time he'll be more careful. However, on the other hand, I do understand that children communicate a lot via WhatsApp etc and being without his phone would be isolating. I would be tempted to buy him a cheap secondhand smartphone, make him give you a percentage of his pocket money per week. I definitely wouldn't be buying a new phone or a contract phone. I would be making it crystal clear...if he loses this phone, he will be saving up himself, you won't be buying him another phone and if that takes him months, then that's tough. Personally responsibility is something that children have to learn, some just learn it the hard way!!

How have these phones been lost? Are you sure they haven't been taken? Is there more this that you know of?

Don't be so stupid! It's nothing like buying cigarettes and alcohol for kids.
The only people who think that are those that don't have the right parental controls on their kids phones.
BTW 99% of kids homework now is smartphone app based!