AIBU to not replace phone

[Mumworried1]

Ds 12 lost his iPhone 2 weeks ago, he has also lost his yearly bus pass which was on his phone but that I can get a refund.
oh thinks he should save up his pocket money then buy himself a new phone but this will take months. He gets £10 a week for context.
This is actually the second phone he has lost in 2 years.
my son is asking for a contract phone and will pay £20 out of his pocket money for it but his dad says no as he needs to learn his lesson.
I have found some second hand phones for around £60, my son is desperate for me to buy one and he will give me his pocket money each week he says But his dad is very against this.
my son has been crying, he says he’s bored as he usually watches YouTube on the bus to and from school and he also can’t msg his friends.
What would you all do in this situation.
unreasonable to buy new phone now?

Of course YANBU. Personally I'd be considering option 3: don't let him have any phone at all until he's matured a bit - see whether he seems any more responsible in a year or two. Maybe suggest to him he could read a book on the bus.

I can understand not being happy he can't message his friends, bit he's crying because he's bored on the way to school? That seems a bit over the top.
Sorry, I wouldn't advance him.the money. I don't think he should be prevented from paying to replace his own phone, but it won't do him any harm to have to wait until he's saved up enough to buy it. He can get a cheaper phone for messaging to get by with. It won't hurt him to have to go without being able to watch videos on the way to school.

A lot of replies today thanks, to answer some questions - he is adhd / asd
-he says he left it on the bus, he put it on the seat to play a game with his friend card game or something
-he had location services off & so not disturb set as his dad is always telling him to do that to save battery
-the first phone he lost was over a year nearly 2 years ago, he was on his scooter and it fell out his pocket
-he’s gone 3 weeks now with no phone/ no pocket money

He needs to keep location services turned on if he's losing phones. It's not using that much battery and that can come in really handy at times like losing a phone.

If it was left on the bus, has it been turned in?

I feel kinda bad for the little guy, no phone for 3 weeks. Can he do some extra chores around the house for some more money?

Thanks, I’ve called bus company and filled out a lost property form but not heared anything.

My dh has his phone on a chain attached to his pocket.

So if he's had no phone or pocket money for 3 weeks then he's half way toward the £60 refurb basic smart phone then? Another 3 weeks of no phone or pocket money and hes equivalent saved for the refurb himself, so i'd stick with Dad on this one, as going half the time then undermining his parenting is shitty.
Dad should concede though that his advice of having location service turned off was a bad call, and with any future phones its on at all times.
Does his uniform trousers have a belt loop that he could realistically have a case on the phone with an attachable cord with other end attached to belt loop so he physically cannot leave it anywhere? As a teen i had my wallet bike style chain attached to my jeans belt loop, it was a very in fashion choice but practical too for security.

I feel like if he can't look after a phone, he's probably just too young for one. If you really want him to have one, make him wait. I wouldn't get a child a contract phone.

I'd get him a phone, if they need you they're lost without it, I like mine to have a phone for safety, for eg if he misses the bus and couldn't get home

Also make sure you get insurance

I replaced my son's first lost phone and then learnt my lesson and paid for insurance every year.

Pp making a big deal over him losing a phone for the second time, op said the first time was two years ago so when he was ten.

What do you expect!

So who's fault is it really, we're expecting a ten and twelve year old to look after a device worth hundreds of pounds?

Really should have got insurance, not just for loss but theft as well, especially if you live in a city.

DH is being mean. I'm assuming he has never bought anything on credit then?

If we had phones when I was in school, mine would have been stolen. How did he lose two phones? Was he careless, or was he bullied?

Edit: I know you've said how he told you they were lost, but are you sure?

Agree with @baileys6904
Both my (now adult) children had smart phones from year 6 as they walked to school, daughter went to get her pony in from a field with other horses and they were allowed to go to the local park with friends and we wanted to be in contact with them. They had our iPhones when we upgraded.
Also, we didn't want them to feel left out at school when all their peers had smart phones. They were even used in class in year 7 at grammar school.
Both lost/smashed them and we replaced them or got them fixed at our cost as they didn't do it intentionally and were upset.
We didn't penalise them, just made them understand that they are expensive items and need to be looked after. They both felt bad that we were having to pay for their mistakes. I took them to the shop so they knew how expensive they are. They knew how annoyed we were but we understood that these things happen,
That was enough. Neither of them lost or smashed another phone.
Perhaps I'm more sympathetic as I have lost or broken more phones than my children have!
As soon as they were working, they paid for their own but we did until then. They got upgrades for their birthdays.
We didn't take their pocket money to pay for them. Just like we didn't take their pocket money to pay for their hobbies!
They are both adults now, in good jobs and understand the value of things so I don't think we did wrong.
Your husband is being unreasonable. Fortunately, my (now ex) H and I agreed that their phones were a necessity and unfortunately they do get lost/broken.
Agree with insurance and findmyiphone - I think insurance is about £5 pm so I guess you could deduct that from his pocket money as a 'lesson in responsibility.'

@Macrodatarefiner were you ever a teenager or have teenagers?
This is life in 2025, smart phones are a necessity to most people, even for my 80yr+ parents!

@Mumworried1 I've just read your update that your son has ADHD. I am too as is my 20yr old son and I sympathise with him. I've lost or broken countless phones and bloody hate that I do.....but I do!
I lost this one on Tuesday but thankfully a lovely man found it and called my mum (she's 80!) and delivered it to their house. It had fallen out of my pocket and I didn't realise for a few hours.
Three weeks without a phone is harsh for anyone who uses it for life management like I do - alarms/reminders, notes inc shopping lists every day, email, whatsapp family and friend groups, banking, the COGS adhd app, activity tracker, meditations on YouTube, NHS app for my elderly parents' appts and tests, camera to take pics of train timetables or things i want to buy or where I've parked my car in a multi-storey car park!
I think he's learnt his lesson by now.

I'd help pay for a 2nd hand phone. Secondary school often means a lot of lost things!
But do a SIM card only contract (we pay £10 monthly) and cheap used phone.

An iPhone 11 seems excessive for a 12 year old. I’d get him a reconditioned older phone, let him pay you back for it, and insist that he keeps location services switched on. He can get one of those power banks for his birthday to top up the battery when out and about if needed.

Thank you @forthistimeonly and @AIBot good advice I will buy him a cheaper one and he can pay me back from his pocket money, I think the power bot & paying insurance himself will be a good thing too.

Have you checked you home contents insurance? Sometimes phones are covered on that - ours are, for example.
And you have tried Find My Phone, haven’t you? It can work even with phone switched off.

Most kids have a smartphone here too, it’s not unusual. My general rule is kids get an old / second hand phone so if it gets lost/ damaged then it’s not such a nightmare. I was really impressed that my fairly scatty eldest kept hold of his first phone (iPhone se) for four years. Although it was held together with love and superglue by the end.

Trust me, I'm the only parent who does have parental controls on the devices.

My thoughts I would be concerned he was bullied forced to wipe it and hand it over to another child

I claimed for a lost phone on our contents insurance. I had to prove the cost of the phone and then they paid the amount minus our excess. It was enough to get a second hand replacement.
Worth a look at your policy.

I did ask him if someone had stole it but he said no,

not sure if he has contents insurance I don’t think he does

No! YOUR home contents insurance.