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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to do nursery drop offs and pick ups?

58 replies

drinkyourmilkplease · 26/01/2025 10:45

I work in an office three days a week. On those days I’m out of the house early and back late, sometimes have to stay overnight. For two days I usually WFH.

DH works three days a week. His workplace is right by the kids’ nursery so he does drop offs and pick ups. He’s said he thinks I should start doing some. AIBU to think it’s pointless leaving the house when I’m WFH to go to the same place DH practically has to drive past on his way to work?

OP posts:
Didimum · 26/01/2025 10:50

I can see your point, but it’s also nice to have a break from the school and/or nursery run if you do every day. There’s something frazzling about it, especially doing it every day, and sometimes it’s nice just to have more headspace before going into work.

Codlingmoths · 26/01/2025 10:52

Do you help get the kids up and ready? That seems quite enough personally for a fair divide, it doesn’t make sense for you to take them.

DreamW3aver · 26/01/2025 10:58

How far away is the nursery? It does seems a bit unnecessary for one person to leave the house when the other person is driving past anyway but I dont think you need a hard and fast rule. Maybe review depending on the circumstances each day

Original poster
drinkyourmilkplease · 26/01/2025 11:01

It’s about fifteen minutes then around ten minutes from the nursery to DH work. So maybe half an hour in total with the drop off included.

OP posts:
Mandylovescandy · 26/01/2025 11:03

How far is it? If a 5 min walk then I think you should share, half an hour drive seems crazy for you to do but the getting them ready etc you could do on the WFH mornings. What does he actually want to achieve with it though? Does he want to be able to start early or finish late sometimes or do something before or after work? Sharing for the sake of it seems pointless if it is a long drive there and back for you but is there something it unlocks for him and could you help facilitate that in another way?

VotingForYourself · 26/01/2025 11:05

Might be nice for you to see the staff, ask how their day went etc.

Comedycook · 26/01/2025 11:05

Yabu.

DaniMontyRae · 26/01/2025 11:08

Do your kids go to nursery 3 days a week and only thr days your husband works?

DreamW3aver · 26/01/2025 11:09

drinkyourmilkplease · 26/01/2025 11:01

It’s about fifteen minutes then around ten minutes from the nursery to DH work. So maybe half an hour in total with the drop off included.

In that case I don't think it's sensible for you to have half and hour of unproductive time to save him a few minutes.

Original poster
drinkyourmilkplease · 26/01/2025 11:09

DaniMontyRae · 26/01/2025 11:08

Do your kids go to nursery 3 days a week and only thr days your husband works?

Yes that’s right.

OP posts:
Quinlan · 26/01/2025 11:11

Sounds like he has all the responsibility on your office days as you’re out the house for so long and sometimes staying over, so he is doing everything for the house and kids.
It would be nice if you at least went and did a pick up on some of his work days, so he can have some time after work to do what he wants maybe? Not have to leave on time or go for a coffee or just have an hour after work to himself without having to do the nursery run.

If you’re wfh on any of the nursery days, you should go and do a pick up.

Are you helping get the kids ready in the morning? And joining in when they walk in the door too? Or does he do it all?

I just feel like this is a reverse and you’re posting from your husband’s perspective because you want to be vindicated by everyone saying it’s bad behaviour. It’s just obvious that the person being discussed in the OP needs to step up and do some parenting.

Irvinesv · 26/01/2025 11:11

What’s his reason? Is it that he’s constrained with work or just because? I’d expect a decent reason

Original poster
drinkyourmilkplease · 26/01/2025 11:15

It’s because he wants to get in earlier and get some work done but the nursery doesn’t open until 745, so it means the earliest he can get to work is 8.

OP posts:
Quinlan · 26/01/2025 11:16

drinkyourmilkplease · 26/01/2025 11:15

It’s because he wants to get in earlier and get some work done but the nursery doesn’t open until 745, so it means the earliest he can get to work is 8.

I’d assumed it was so he could have some freedom after work. If it’s actually because he wants/needs an earlier start time and the nursery prevents that, but there is another fully functional and capable parent in the house who is available to drive at the later time, then he should be able to start earlier.

Do the nursery run.

Original poster
drinkyourmilkplease · 26/01/2025 11:17

His official start time is 825 but he’s a teacher so he’s saying it would be ideal if he could get in a bit earlier.

OP posts:
olympicsrock · 26/01/2025 11:18

drinkyourmilkplease · 26/01/2025 11:15

It’s because he wants to get in earlier and get some work done but the nursery doesn’t open until 745, so it means the earliest he can get to work is 8.

That is plenty early enough for your child and him.

Han86 · 26/01/2025 11:19

If it's right by his workplace then he needs to do it. My husband always used to do the nursery drop off as I left early for work. I did however do the pick up as I could do that easily on my way home.
Is there a compromise like that, maybe you finish work a bit earlier to do the pick up?

Hobbitfeet32 · 26/01/2025 11:27

Yes YABU. It would be more fair to split it as then he can start a bit earlier sometimes. For me and husband it is equal for us to do pick ups and drop offs so we split it. It makes a big difference to me knowing that my working day is not constrained by needing to drop off and pick up in his days.

bellocchild · 26/01/2025 11:27

drinkyourmilkplease · 26/01/2025 11:17

His official start time is 825 but he’s a teacher so he’s saying it would be ideal if he could get in a bit earlier.

He's got a point there. The time before the teaching day officially starts is golden.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 26/01/2025 11:27

I would probably compromise and agree to doing a drop off maybe once a fortnight so that he can have a protected day where he can get to work early. I’m a teacher and I do aim to be at work by 7:45 despite my official start time not being until 8:30 and most of my colleagues are in by 8:00, it’s just helpful to have extra time before the day starts to get ready for it. If he only works 3 days then on his first day back at work each week there will inevitably be extra stuff to catch up on from the days he was off and so I can see why he might feel like extra time at work in the mornings would be useful to get his head around stuff sometimes.

Ohnobackagain · 26/01/2025 11:28

@drinkyourmilkplease what if you did the last pick up of the week and he could have extra time at work then and/or feel less pressure about rushing off one day a week?

KatieKat88 · 26/01/2025 11:30

I agreed with you initially but as a teacher, that time at the start of the day is so helpful to have. I'd suggest you do one morning drop off (same day every week) so he can plan around that time?

Seeline · 26/01/2025 11:31

So your DH is at home 2 days a week with the DCs whilst you're working?

crumblingschools · 26/01/2025 11:32

Pretty much all teachers I know get to school well before their official start time

Greenlittecat · 26/01/2025 11:33

Yabu

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