To expect DH to do nursery drop offs and pick ups?

[drinkyourmilkplease]

I work in an office three days a week. On those days I’m out of the house early and back late, sometimes have to stay overnight. For two days I usually WFH.

DH works three days a week. His workplace is right by the kids’ nursery so he does drop offs and pick ups. He’s said he thinks I should start doing some. AIBU to think it’s pointless leaving the house when I’m WFH to go to the same place DH practically has to drive past on his way to work?

Is this a reverse? Of course you should do some of the nursery runs, why should he carry it the burden?

Thinking more, of course this is a reverse

I think you could do it once a week at least. It would make his day much less stressful if he's not starting on the back foot.

You could do at least a day a week surely

With the update. Yes. You should do one of the days.

I think if you were a man you’d be told to do the drop off and pick up sometimes.

actually that seems to be the majority view of posters so far too

Having read your rather drip-fed updates, I now think yabu.

When I was a teacher, I arrived at 7am and almost all teaching staff were in the building by 7:30. Arriving at 8am everyday would be incredibly stressful and lead to later evenings and more home working.

You don't sound very supportive or understanding at all.

I did pretty much all drop offs and picks up when I became SAHM but DC loved it on the odd occasion DH did them and gave DH an insight of that part of DC’s lives

That seems reasonable then, you could do it drop off once a week couldn't you?

I'm a teacher and arrive at 8:45! 😂 I'm in Scotland though, we're less intense here!

I think you should be doing some of the school runs, yes.

I think on days when he works and you are WFH, then yes, you should do nursery drop and collects.

He should do them on his non working days.

We both work hybrid so some days in the office and some at home. We usually try and work it so that if one of us is in the office that person does the nursery drop on the way, however if that person needed to be in before 8 that day the one wfh would just do it. Same with pick ups - if the person in the office is delayed leaving or needs to stay late then the one at home will go out and do it. I think it's good to have some flexibility and as others have said see the staff and other children.

In your situation I'd probably be offering to do 1 of the 3 days to be honest

I think as long as it means you can still get back home or to work on time, you should do it on days when he is particularly pressured and needs to get in a bit earlier. It would be different though if it means it would make you late to work.

There we go then. He's not making shit up.

Drop-offs and pick-ups are hard work, they seem to use more energy and brainpower than other tasks, for me, anyway. To do them all on working days and never have a day where you can just start work without that hassle is tough, even if the person is part-time. It’s still 100% of their working days.

But even as I type this, I’m feeling “reverse”.

Why?

You are being very very unreasonable. I am a teacher stuck doing the nursery runs because my OH has to actually go out and the mad stress when you arrive at school and huge stress trying to get everything ready at the end of the day because you know you can't get in early is a nightmare.

On the very rare occasion my OH has a late start or can do some online training from home he often offers to do the nursery run, I get in for 7.30 and get a huge amount done ans off my to do list.

The idea you could do this once a week for him and you won't is absolutely baffling!!!

He’s your partner, talking to you about something that will make his life easier. He isn’t asking you to do it every day, once a week could really help out though. Assuming there isn’t a massive drip feed coming that you do absolutely everything all the time for the dc apart from nursery drop offs, YABU not to do a share of drop offs.

I agree with you DH on your WFH days you should help with the school run, it’s nice to give your DH a break and it’s nice for the kids to have mum do it instead of dad! It may seem like a nothing job to you but it can be a right faff and a pain! I say this as a mum who does the school run daily with my DH never helping even on his days off

Jeepers I originally thought YANBU , but now you’ve said he’s a teacher massively YABU as a teacher I’m at work at 7 am !!! My worst nightmare would be there at 8am , I usually leave the house before DD is awake

Morning prep time for a teacher is vital

It's hard to have a fixed start and end to the day, it feels like you're on a treadmill and never get a chance to catch up.

I would do one day a week drop off, no it's not as efficient, but if I was your DH I'd find it enormously helpful.

Exactly he's asking for a sensible reason. He's not asking just to wind you up

I definitely think you should share.

Not just teachers. There's loads of professions where it helps to get in early