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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what are your teens sociable hobbies.

78 replies

Pippyls67 · 26/01/2025 00:07

Ds is 18 and left school last year. Works from home on a farm so not meeting new people. He got badly bullied in school so now doesn’t mix with anyone from there. It was just too traumatic to cross paths with the same boys as they were out sometimes with lads he did actually get on with. Anyway to cut a long story short he’s super lonely. He’s getting bitter and angry about his situation. What social hobbies do your own teen boys do / or maybe your partners do if they’re younger ? Unfortunately he says he’s ‘rubbish’ at ball games. I think that was partly why he struggled with making friends at school too. His primary friends all played football and rugby and grew in their social circles while he didn’t. Anyway any suggestions would be great. He goes to the gym a lot so he’s fit and strong. It’s not very sociable - but it does get him away from home. Please comment with suggestions as it’s absolutely breaking my heart.

OP posts:
cheapskatemum · 27/01/2025 19:24

saladandlunxhes · 26/01/2025 11:02

Running club &/or parkrun

Minimal cost to join a club. parkrun is free to take part in or volunteer.

I have made so many friends this way.

Came on to say this too.

Probablynottheansweryouwant · 27/01/2025 19:31

Ds does scouting, kickboxing (has made lots of friends through this) and volunteers for a local community run leisure centre (means can go to gym for free too!)

Unescorted · 27/01/2025 19:34

Cycling, (fell) running or climbing... You can be as sociable or as solitary as you like on any given day.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/01/2025 19:35

If he's fit and sporty, could he join a climbing gym? They're always super sociable.

Fluffyyellowball · 27/01/2025 19:35

Tennis. Join a local club. They are really sociable and have group sessions for beginners. You don’t have to be able to play to join in. I have been involved with several clubs and have found them all very welcoming.

TheFunHare · 27/01/2025 19:44

What about some matchmaking apps? I have no idea what is the best one for 18 year olds though. Assuming he's straight (sorry if not) then even if he doesn't find love he might make some nice girl friends. Might be a safer friendship group if he's been bullied as well.

HostessTrolley · 27/01/2025 19:48

I'd suggest a martial arts club. Brazilian jujitsu is really popular and welcome adult beginners - if he's already fit and strong he'll do fine. It's also something that most people go to on their own - they don't need to take a partner to train with. One of my DS lives in London and went along to his local
club - he's not sporty or fit but he's stuck at it, his confidence and fitness have improved and he's made friends that he meets for a beer/food outside of classes. Another of my DS does judo which has been great for him (he was bullied and has ASD), this could also work for your son, but of the two I'd suggest BJJ because there are more adult and teen beginners than in judo

LivLuna · 27/01/2025 19:51

Is there a climbing wall nearby. If he's never done it before then he could do a faster course to see if he likes it. If he's is already strong then he would only need to develop a bit of technique.

DS struggles with social anxiety but he enjoys bouldering as he can go on his own but has got to know people who go at the same time. Better than team sports as no pressure on him to perform for others.

Peanutlicious · 27/01/2025 19:53

Army/police cadets

abnerbrownsdressinggown · 27/01/2025 19:53

Will he be working on the farm long term? Could he do a day or two a week in something relevant at a local agricultural college? Or would that mean he would run into the same boys?

WinterCarlisle · 27/01/2025 20:03

I would really push the volunteering agenda: he’d hopefully get some much needed self esteem from it plus it’s a lot of transferable skills.

I have a 16 year old son who’s on the autistic spectrum and can find friendship groups quite challenging (I’m not suggesting your DS is ASD, by the way, just to highlight the social anxiety aspect). He’s been volunteering both at the local allotments (average age about 70) and with Scouts. I think the fact that none of these groups are the same age as he is has helped hugely. The allotment lot have been very supportive to him and like the fact he does a lot of the heavy work. The scouts look up to him and think he’s cool.

He initially did this as DoE but has carried on. He’s getting a lot from it as well as providing a much needed resource to both areas.

Sending you virtual support - I think there’s a lot of challenges for older teenage boys. I’m so sorry to hear he was bullied 😔.

stargirl1701 · 27/01/2025 20:05

Young Farmers? Any curling clubs locally? Rugby? Shinty?

DH was in all of these at that age.

Pippyls67 · 27/01/2025 21:38

ChocolateTruffleAssortment · 27/01/2025 17:31

He has similar interests to my lonely DD if you’re in the SW…!

Sorry but I don’t understand the SW reference. Is it a mumsnet acronym? I’m not very clued up on those I’m afraid.

OP posts:
WinterCarlisle · 27/01/2025 21:53

South West, I think

MumonabikeE5 · 27/01/2025 22:00

Going somewhere away on a volunteering experience for a week in the summer might be a good way to help build his social confidence.

for example festivals have great volunteer opportunities and at some the young people that participate are open and kind, and each year they seem to make good friendships which extend beyond the festival.

that confidence of having fun meeting, working and socialising with new people will then help him lean into more local activities.

climbing, canoeing, basket ball, local volunteering opportunities, “good gym” if there is one local. Cycling -road and mountain biking are both social but can also be done individually .

user1471516498 · 27/01/2025 22:15

My 18 year old son is in a band and all of his social life is based around music.

FarmersWifeOf30Years · 28/01/2025 10:39

As you are rural would he enjoy beating on a local Shoot one day a week? It's too late for this year but it may be a thought for next Autumn. Usually a small amount of pay and working as a team and can be quite sociable.
If he's driving is he interested in cars? If there are any local car clubs it could be a way of meeting a different crowd.
Would day release to a college as part of an Agricultural Apprenticeship work? You can do Apprenticeships now from your own farm, but I appreciate that maybe where his bullies are going.
I hope he finds a way to make some new friends, I know how worrying it is.

Pippyls67 · 28/01/2025 18:30

ChocolateTruffleAssortment · 27/01/2025 17:31

He has similar interests to my lonely DD if you’re in the SW…!

We aren’t in the South West unfortunately. Thank you for suggesting though. I really hope things improve for you Dd soon too. Have any of the suggestions here been useful at all?

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 28/01/2025 18:31

My son does kickboxing (as well as football and rugby).

Catontheblanket · 28/01/2025 18:33

Board games club (most large towns have these now!)

Park run changed my life. I used to be very isolated (and I hate running!! I’m not fast. But jogging and friends are worth it!)

NeedToChangeName · 28/01/2025 18:34

My DC blossomed when volunteering in a charity shop. Lots of older, kindhearted folk around and very predictable chat ie less stressful

I'd suggest focus on building confidence and self esteem first, rather than focus on friendships

InvisibilityCloakActivated · 28/01/2025 18:36

Has he tried https://www.meetup.com/?

If he wants to meet girls, maybe try a salsa class or something like that? (I know a couple of guys who met their girlfriends through dance classes - the ratios are highly skewed in their favour!)

If he wants to meet boys/mates, maybe an athletics club or running club?

Meetup | Find Local Groups, Events, and Activities Near You

Find Meetup events, join groups, or start your own. Make new friends and connect with like-minded people. Meet people near you who share your interests.

https://www.meetup.com

GrumpyWombat · 28/01/2025 19:06

16yo does football and has done since 6yo.
18yo doesn’t do anything, but goes to college full time and has a part time job in a small restaurant which is her social life. What are his interests?

ChocolateTruffleAssortment · 28/01/2025 20:39

Pippyls67 · 28/01/2025 18:30

We aren’t in the South West unfortunately. Thank you for suggesting though. I really hope things improve for you Dd soon too. Have any of the suggestions here been useful at all?

actually what might make a difference to my DD is that she has started work as a lifeguard and it seems to be quite social, quite a few teens there. So perhaps something will come
of that… I thought college would be a fresh start for her but I think she lacks confidence to go about building friendships so that doesn’t seem to have brought about any friendships so far….

Saracen · 28/01/2025 22:07

I've known quite a few bullied teens. (I home educate, and some of them leave school to escape the bullies.) One thing which can help is socialising with different age groups, so there's less likely to be any bullying. This may give your son the confidence boost he needs so he can start trusting people and feeling safe.

He's now old enough that there would be no issue with him joining hobby or voluntary groups which are mostly attended by adults significantly older than himself. The people there are likely to be delighted to find a young person wanting to join them. He can have a different sort of relationship with them.

Even good-quality teenaged friendships tend to involve more work than friendships with older people. Adolescence is a turbulent time. Sometimes teenaged friends will have their own stuff to deal with, so much so that they may not have the energy to be there for your son when he needs them. They're all figuring out who they are, worrying about whether they'll get a good job or ever find a boyfriend/girlfriend or whether they should take drugs or move out of the family home. Of course, older adults have problems too, but the intensity is less. They can be stable and dependable.

Adults will have found some of the answers. They may be able to help him through and show him the light at the end of the tunnel.

Likewise, being with younger kids will feel safer too. They'll idolise an 18yo and feel lucky he will give them the time of day. They won't criticise him. He'll be able to feel like the competent one who has his stuff together, who can be helpful and kind and be appreciated. So maybe he would like to volunteer with Scouts or a reading programme or spend time with younger cousins.