To ask what are your teens sociable hobbies.

[Pippyls67]

Ds is 18 and left school last year. Works from home on a farm so not meeting new people. He got badly bullied in school so now doesn’t mix with anyone from there. It was just too traumatic to cross paths with the same boys as they were out sometimes with lads he did actually get on with. Anyway to cut a long story short he’s super lonely. He’s getting bitter and angry about his situation. What social hobbies do your own teen boys do / or maybe your partners do if they’re younger ? Unfortunately he says he’s ‘rubbish’ at ball games. I think that was partly why he struggled with making friends at school too. His primary friends all played football and rugby and grew in their social circles while he didn’t. Anyway any suggestions would be great. He goes to the gym a lot so he’s fit and strong. It’s not very sociable - but it does get him away from home. Please comment with suggestions as it’s absolutely breaking my heart.

I think the OP means he lives and works on the family farm.

Thanks for the explanation

My DD goes to DnD club, she says its mostly 17/18/19yo boys there

Any short courses that he might be into? I’ve seen some crash courses on things like illustration or videography which are mixed gendered. It might be a week long or a day a week spread over months.

My two weren't good at ball sports either. They found their friends through music. Is he at all musical? Ds2 became a good bassist and lots of bands are on the look out for a bassist. He could earn a bit of money from it too, doing pub gigs.
If he is already fit, he could join a bootcamp. Our local ones have lots of women as well as men, so he might get a wider mix of people than just the local yob bullies.
How about a cycling club?
Is he religious? Ds1 is. He sings in a choir and loads of his friends came through church.

Did he do anything that he enjoyed when he was younger?

Gaming.

It's relatively easy to find your tribe with massive open online gaming groups - World of Warcraft and Eve being the two examples I know that have enabled relatively shy people to come out of their shells and make friends across countries and all age groups.

I have found two very good friends (and even a partner, for a while) that way in the space of only a few weeks and the friendships are still going strong even years after I quit for time reasons.

Things my teens / early twenties and their friends do in a semi-rural area:

Sports & outdoor: running, ParkRun, indoor climbing and bouldering, water sports (sailing, paddle sports, power boats), cycling, martial arts, tennis badly,

Games: chess, mah jong, board games clubs, role playing games clubs

Volunteering: scout assistant leaders, local environmental groups, RNLI, lowland rescue (like mountain rescue), wildlife, food bank, community farm & rare breeds places

Young farmers & stuff they do

Lots of tractor and boat related stuff

Creative: brass band, am-dram, photography group,

Some are more under-25 focused and some have a wide mix of ages

It can take a while but it helps gives a few things a go he'll find friendly people who are pleased he's there.

i have been wondering the same. My Dd likes riding but that’s not a massively social sport & most of the people at our livery yard are older. She goes to the gym but only when nobody from school is around… she comes to my cricket sometimes but again everyone is older. Tricky.

Running club
Parkrun
Classes at the gym/fitness centre
Chess
Young farmers
Something water related - kayaking, paddleboarding
Cycling club/group
Tennus/squash/other racket sport
Something musical - local open mic nights

I'd also suggest climbing.

When I moved somewhere new I joined a beginners course at my local climbing wall.

Socially it was great. Met people weekly at the wall and led to day trips and weekends away. Lots and men and women of all ages climb.

Running club &/or parkrun

Minimal cost to join a club. parkrun is free to take part in or volunteer.

I have made so many friends this way.

Yy and thrice y to Young Farmers. They had brilliant socials that everyone wanted in on when I was a teenager.

Thank you so so much for the wonderful responses. Some new and exciting ideas there for sure. Martial arts, Climbing and bouldering, St Johns ambulance volunteering, helping at an am dram club, D&D and war hammer especially. There’s lots to think about. The posters who noted the presence of the bullies at young farmers were right sadly. It’s the most massive shame as it would be the obvious answer we know! Anyway - there’s always other stuff and I’m truly grateful for your suggestions. He’s keen on politics, physical fitness and enjoys helping others so there’s a bit of scope. He’s just super shy now and nervous about people. He games a lot too so I was really interested in the idea of gaming more socially. He doesn’t speak to anyone on line at the moment so he could change that I’m sure. You’ve all been very kind to have responded with the ideas you’ve had.

He has similar interests to my lonely DD if you’re in the SW…!

Horses.

I’ll add fencing to the list. Lots of shy people at our local group. It’s quietly sociable.

Gosh he has been through a lot, I don't think people understand the long term effects of bullying.

I was also going to suggest climbing, or my anti social 16 year old loves darts!

I‘m so sorry that your DS is struggling. I can absolutely empathise with your situation as DS (also 18) went through an extremely similar situation at high school.

The only saving grace for DS has been the college he’s attended since leaving school. It really has been the making of him. I firmly believe that without this experience he would have become quite isolated. He picked a college where he knew it was most likely that not many of the boys who caused him issues were going, it’s paid off.

I was going to suggest the gym, DS also loves this but you have mentioned that your DS already goes.

Before attending college our local council youth support service contacted me asking what our DS’s plans were for the future (DS had been admitted to hospital due to suicidal ideation caused by the school trauma) and at that time I discussed his plan to attend the college he’s currently at. They did say that if this didn’t go to plan to get back in touch and they would offer support.

I’m wondering if you have anything similar in your area (although I’m unsure of what age they help until?) His job sounds extremely isolating and I’m wondering if there is any scope to change this? Or any other part time work/college course etc he could attend, where there is a chance to socialise with people his own age?

I feel so much for your DS (and you). I really do hope you can get some much needed advice on here.

Table tennis
Snooker

So I’m wondering rather than hobbies, could your DS work a couple of shifts in a local pub for example? There are many people his age working in our local area and they seem to meet new people this way.

Or any options for p/t work at the gym he attends?

Does he enjoy walking / hiking?

D&D (as in Dungeons and Dragons). Both online and in person. Has met the best group of friends ever.

DDs both do drama activities - DD1 acts in a panto group, DD2 helps backstage at the panto and goes to a stage management group linked to the local theatre.

Another thing we have here is Andy's man club. https://andysmanclub.co.uk/. The latest social media post for our local group says...Any man 18+ is welcome to attend our groups. Whether you're having a bad day, bad month or just need a safe place to talk, our groups are here for you.