How much does your teen cost?

[candlelightees]

I am a teacher and yesterday I overheard some cheeky chappies saying the government pays for them in the form of child benefit. This opened a discussion. Other students chipped in. It seemed some were self aware, others not so much.

I added up my own teen cost minus the grocery/household share. Didn't realise how expensive they actually are.

Transport- £20
Lunch money-£60
Counselling- £180
Clothes-£50 (always something wearing out)
Horesriding-£100
Pocket money-£100
Phone bill-£50
Total £560

Plus the commom texts. ' please can I have £20 to go out with so and so?' Can I get my nails, eyelashes, highlights done?

I realise a lot of this could be cut. But I think lots of people spend a lot on teens. They are bloody expensive.

Why wouldn’t you, you can afford it
My Dc wanted to go away and we were happy to support that

They going to have to earn a decent salary if they are used to that kind of budget.

@NormaleKartoffeln actually that's exactly what I've gleaned from the thread. I'm not naming names, tagging anyone etc - but that's been my interpretation. So many comments (many from you!) patronising parents who CHOOSE to spend more. That's what the thread is about, what parents are CHOOSING to spend on their kids. No one is asking for advice on how to make it cheaper 👀

FWIW, in terms of your comment about Uni, of course it's preferable for parents to contribute if they can. No one 'has to' but honestly I'd be mortified if DS was entitled to less at Uni due to my salary, and I couldn't make up the shortfall.

A fair bit per month

School lunch money £100
Car on the road £150
Phone £30
Counselling £320 (4 week month)
Pocket money £125
Bits and pieces £50
Hair cut £30 pm (£60 every 8 weeks).

I don't think you can count things like counselling though tbh, that's for long term health. Keeping a car on the road and lots of other things on these lists are entirely optional and if I needed to cut my cloth they would be gone 🌬.

Lots of things are good for developing independence, but definitely not essential as a teen.

I had none of the above other than a packed lunch for school when I was a kid.

We have been looking at this for costing university. Making sure we have enough and to give him a sensible amount.

We upped our DS (nearly 18) monthly pocket money to £200 but have stopped funding lots of things. He has been on the new budget for a year now and it has worked really well.

He gets very basic clothes from us - we won't see him naked and shoeless but if he wants more than very basic t-shirt, jeans and one pair of shoes/trainers he buys it himself. We buy school essentials books, stationary and clothes (he has to wear all black rather than uniform). We bought him a nice outfit to wear to a wedding because we wanted him to look nice and paid for a haircut - but hair is normally something we'd expect him to have to cover.

We make sure that there is food he likes in the house so he can take a packed lunch to school and he gets £20 a month on his school canteen account for drinks but if he wants to go to the local cafe and buy lunch that is on him. (He is only in school for 3 lunchtimes). He sometimes takes a microwave pasta to school for lunch as they have microwaves that students can use.

We pay for his hobby which is £180 a term. We pay basic SIM on a family account but his phone is quite old now (still an iPhone but an older model). He has enough data to last because we share and pass our unused data to him.

It has worked really well - he likes having the money in his pocket monthly like that and is learning budgeting - he likes to go and see bands and to the theatre (National Theatre £5 tickets for under 18s has done him well).

It has really taught him bargain hunting He raids charity shops and Vinted for clothes and mixes that with the basics we're willing to provide. TKMaxx and Offcuts for shoes - DMs from Offcuts for £40, 'cool' Puma trainers for £25.

Unfortunately he has not been able to get a job - he has tried but no one is employing kids his age round here. His friends who do have jobs all work for family members or were very lucky.

We live in London so free bus travel and tubes are reduced so travel not too expensive and he has the choice of walking or bussing to school.

It has really taught him a lot about budgeting, how much he costs us and to prioritise what is important to him.

Monthly
pocket money £200
phone £10
hobby £60
school canteen account £20
average of clothes/school essentials (clothes, books, etc/hair etc £50)

Total - £340

Because your not preparing her for the realities of life.

Haven't RTWT btw as these things always turn into a bun fight.

It's not just those that girls have to pay for though - we spent £100 on period pants which hopefully will last a year at least, and girls hair cuts cost more than boys cuts every month. My dd isn't interested in nails and makeup, thankfully, but plenty of boys have to have the latest football boots or trainers.

I shouldn't laugh but thats funny

@Differentstarts of course she is! She's mentioned her DD knowing the salary she needs to keep this up as an adult and is actively working towards it. That's the definition of preparing someone for the realities of life. Too many teens across all levels of privilege have no idea what kind of money they need to earn to achieve the kind of life they want to live. And then get stuck in their 20s with a useless degree and a dead end career that will never offer the kind of lifestyle they want.

Show me you spoil your child without thinking you spoil your child. These numbers are insane. This must be a London metric. £100 pocket money - for what exactly?

quoting my own post - but we did similar for DD - we covered period products but that was all. Maybe the odd 'nicer' shampoo or some skin care in the weekly shop but only supermarket available stuff.

DD was able to get a job and worked Saturdays in a hairdresser for the extra money to pay for nails and hair when she wanted to.

DD is now in her 20s and has a much better understanding of budgeting than a lot of her friends - she isnt wealthy because she is self employed but she has prioritised what is important to her and budgets accordingly.

And what if she can't achieve this, or struggles to find employment or god forbid becomes unwell/disabled. Life isn't a fairytale and this is why teens and young adults are no longer resilient because there not being taught to be.

You see this is where people get confused.

There isn't just one standard 'real life' for everyone. If someone's 'real life' is eating steak regularly then that is perfectly valid. Real life doesn't automatically have to mean a life of frugal hardship.

But life is full of hardship and kids need to be prepared for this reality. Could you imagine if an adult posted on mumsnet iv lost my job or can no longer work so I can't eat steak every night what should i do people would tear them to shreds

In which case, it sounds like she’s been brought up well enough to understand that these things happen. I highly doubt she’ll be in a ball crying about how she’s disabled and so can’t afford steak anymore! I think it’s also almost the definition of resilience to understand that if you want to provide a life for yourself with these luxuries, you need to keep fighting for it - from working for good grades now, to bouncing back from job rejections in the future.

I think I'm a bit tight.

50 quid phone for me and 2 dc. Phones are owned outright.
20 per month pocket money x2
Ds hobbies 55 per month
Dd hobby 175 per term
Chuck 20 x2 on their lunch account sometimes, but they have packed lunch.

Other, ad hoc expenses:
Trips with his club at times
20quid on occasion for dd to go out with mates
Hair cuts occasionally.
I still buy clothes and shoes they need. Dd buys things she wants. Ds wants nothing.

Dd is 13, so too young for nails. I thought they had to be 16 because of the damage.

Single parent NHS salary.

DS14:
£30 food
£30 school lunches
£20 pocket money
£20 hobby membership
£20 barbers
£5 phone (sim only deal, with a 2nd hand reconditioned phone for Christmas)
£30-ish clothes (vinted & sainsbos)
£11 Spotify premium (shared with family)
£ 20 his share of fortnightly family takeaway
Quarterly - new Nikes (growing too fast)

Even this modest amount is more than I spend on myself and DD10 combined.

There is no money left at the end of each month.

This thread has blown my mind.

Because your not preparing her for the realities of life.

@Differentstarts where have I said that I am not simultaneously also preparing her for the realities of life? She is well aware that she can also get her protein from eggs, seeds and lentils, she can make cheap meals, loves homemade soups etc.

The question was 'what do your teens cost.' I answered it. I buy her steak because she likes it and I can. A knock on positive effect of her liking steak, and her knowing it costs 5x as much as eggs, has resulted in her motivating herself to do well at school to give herself a better opportunity to get a better paid job to fund her steak.

But I’m assuming she won’t be doing this. This is like saying I shouldn’t take DS on holiday or let him do any expensive activities just in case he ends up disabled and unemployed and can’t afford it in the future!

People are different, some people will spend lots on their dc & think if they can support like this forever it doesn't really matter. Others can afford to but feel they want to teach different lessons. Ours are not teens yet & we save for uni & a house deposit. They will have to get a job at a certain point to help if they want additional things.

But she's never had to fight for it, she's never had to go without. She made a decision that she would only eat high quality wholefoods with no money to fund it so her mum has jumped in to give her that don't you think it would be better to say if you want luxuries in life you have to work for them and then when you have saved enough then you can have them. People shouldn't always be getting what they want instantly

Horse loan/riding £250 ish (she's there 3 times a week & it's the only activity she does so it's worth it!)
Lunches approx £20
Bus approx £20

Not too bad although last month was expensive as she needed loads of horse stuff
I'm going to encourage her to get a p/t job when she can. I think it's really important for them to earn their own money.

That is not the same as something like a holiday is a one of treat for the whole family. Funding someone to live the high life isnt

My 17yo dd cost me nothing other than food and general household bills. She had a pt job from 16 (alongside college) and bought her own clothes and make up. She also paid for her own driving lessons (no way I could afford it.)

If she needed new shoes or trainers I would pay half and she'd pay half.

She worked at Primark earning £11 an hour so was earning £100 plus a week working over the weekends, more in school holidays.

I'm proud I have raised her to work hard and understand the value of money.