To ask DH’s cleaner to help me as well

[Suefr]

We are a large blended family with 5 children in total, but no joint children. DH’s children (secondary school) are slightly older than mine (primary school) but we all get on well. His children come and stay with us on alternative weeks and his system works well for us.

As I am a SAHM I do most of the housework and cooking, and I am fine with this. However, a few months ago I became annoyed at the amount of housework I was expected to do and the lack of support from DH. In particular, he was annoyed that I wasn’t ironing his clothes and I was upset at being treated like a maid.
As a compromise, DH hired a neighbour’s cleaner to help. She can only do 1 hour twice a week. She comes to our house when she finishes at our neighbour’s. In these 2 hours she will wash and iron DH & his children’s clothes, and tidy his office and their bedrooms. However, she will politely decline any requests I make for help. I have spoken to DH and he has fobbed me off, telling me that she is helping us out. But it’s obvious, she is there only to help him out and not me.

Quite. He’s getting his laundry done. Why do you think you are entitled to her help too.

He’s not getting his laundry done

OP says he does his washing and then leaves the clothes out for ironing

If you are a SAHM with children in school all day you should be doing all the housework. I can just see my DHs reaction if I told him to clean his own stuff when I'm at home all day.
I have a young child with SEN who's only at school a couple of hours a day. I have older children, I help look after my parents and MIL.
I still do everything at home because that's the trade off for me being at home and DH being at work.
You actually sound quite lazy. Child free all day, large percentage of housework done by a cleaner and you still think you're overworked!

OP, why are you not answering any questions about the time that you have available in the day? You've mentioned looking after your parents. How much time does that take in a typical day?

You receive maintenance for your children from their father. Why can't you get a cleaner for yourself/your children if you want one? You say that you work but haven't said for how many hours or if it's regular.

Your lack of information apart from some strategic 'whip them up into a froth' comments is going to make it difficult for advice. But perhaps that's not what you wanted at all...

Exactly - OP is taking the piss.

Why should her DH pay for her to basically take care of her mother because her brother can't be arsed?! Ridiculous- and agree with PP that a fanny lodger

So you don’t work.

You get maintenance from your ex to pay for your children.

You current partner pays your way and for the rest of your children’s expenses even though they aren’t his kids.

You don’t want to have to do all the housework even though he does all of this for you so he literally hired someone to do what you didn’t want to do and you’re still not happy?

You are living in a VERY privileged set up and you don’t even realise it.

Your partner is a saint for not calling you out on your insane entitlement and rudeness.

Wake up.

How does she even know which is his kids’ stuff?

The same jobs that working parents also do?

Your situation is also incredibly different. You don't have children in school, all of OP's kids (who aren't even DH's) are in school.

Meh.

Get a job and pay for your own cleaner, or do your cleaning during the 6 hours your children are at school.

Husband washes and dries his children's clothes - presumably they then are in a basket ready for the cleaner to iron.

Considering he pays all the bills, you would kind of expect you'd do all the housework. Keeping the house clean, including doing all the laundry for him and his kids seems to be a very reasonable workload and you should be able to fit that easily into the few hours a day the kids are at school. Once he gets home from work you should have the expectation that everyone mucks in on anything that needs doing in the evening (i.e. looking after the kids and getting them to bed) but if I was at work, my kids were at school, and my partner was at home, I'd want to be coming home to a clean house and dinner at least.

He's employed a cleaner to do the tasks for him and his kids now, so you are now being financially supported to look after your own kids, which is a very good deal.

I think you need to have a rethink about things. Your ex pays maintenance for your children but your DH then finances everything and your only financial contribution is your ex’s maintenance payments. You have no joint children and your own children are in school. Your DH expects you to take care of all house related tasks, including his laundry in return. You objected, so he now pays someone else to do these tasks but probably has requested the cleaner not do anything you ask her to. Now you are complaining to him that the cleaner won’t do anything you ask her to. If you came on here and said you were working and financially supporting a man with two children, no joint children, and he didn’t work and objected to keeping house, we’d be telling you to dump him.

Go get a job and be more financially independent.

Maybe read this a couple of times, OP.

Congratulations 🙌🏼 You’ve reached cocklodger level !

Potentially when they are so young that childcare costs a packet

Once children start primary many parents I know don't outsource anything. We just both work flexibly to cover drop offs and pickups.

This sums it up perfectly. Your should be really grateful to your DH OP, not coming on here moaning about your situation.

DELETED!!!!!!

I didn't read OP's posts properly. Will go back and re-read them properly!!! (Been a long day, and I am tired!)

Can't unquote this poster's post!

Aside from childcare what would be out sourced?

Oh come on, you're being really selfish. You aren't contributing financially and the kids are at school all day. You really should be able to do all the housework. Maybe consider getting a job so you can pay for a cleaner to do it all. Somehow I don't think that you'd be willing to pay them to work 8 hours a day - which is what I'm assuming you have?

Really?

His money supports op to stay home and supports her kids.

What are you talking about?

Perhaps read the OP's posts.

But maybe she should leave him and get and job to pay for her kids and a cleaner.

How old are your dc OP?

yet you won’t do his washing or ironing?!