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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teachers I need solidarity before I leave the profession

339 replies

Soniastrumpet1984 · 24/01/2025 17:38

I love teaching. I have done it for 22 years.
I am sick of parents moaning. Today has put the tin hat on it.
Here's my situation (this is not exact but an approximation as close to similar as I can get it without putting actual details.)
Let's say I've been teaching French bakery recipes to my cooking club. A local French bakery has offered to host 5 students( in its tiny kitchen) on Saturday morning at 7.30am before they open so they can watch the pastry chef making the items. This is a total favour and just a nice thing they do not have to do. They did this as on my way to work, I was chatting whilst waiting to get my coffee. I as a teacher have agreed to give up my Saturday morning to take them. Every child in cookery club was offered the experience, by email with their parent copied in. It was NOT first come first served, they were clearly told if there's more than 5, we will draw out of a hat. There were more than 5 interested , so I wrote them all on pieces of paper and trotted next door to a different teacher, who came and drew 5 names out. Now I have Two parental complaints demanding to see photos of the slips and why didn't I video the draw and provide evidence. I know it's Friday and I'm tired but fuck I want to leave.

OP posts:
WearyAuldWumman · 24/01/2025 20:00

One of our pupils went shoplifting whilst on a school trip.

The parents applied for a place for him on a school trip abroad. HoD declined, given the previous behaviour.

The parents complained. HT told the HoD that he had to include the thief.

On the ferry to the Continent, the kid was caught shoplifting.

forgotmyusername1 · 24/01/2025 20:05

Not teaching but went to a children's judo competition at the weekend

Was watching a match being refereed by a 14 year old and one lad lost. His dad lost his mind, called the junior ref a racist and went off on one for about 20 mins. The kid was fine about it. These were children about 9 years old. Saw him in the hall putting in an official complaint. Absolutely insane- especially as everyone else was looking perplexed as he did actually lose and we all agreed with the refs decision.

Hate entitled parents

Original poster
Soniastrumpet1984 · 24/01/2025 20:05

Normal human behaviour is not expected of children anymore. We have allowed them to opt out of all societal norms like talking to an adult in a normal, not horrible way. Teachers have become expected to absorb everything

OP posts:
ThejoyofNC · 24/01/2025 20:11

It's just a sign of the selfish society we are living in these days. The constant "it's not fair" about anything and everything in life. Nobody gives a shit about the good of others anymore and it's all about them and their true/authentic/real self.

MinnieCauldwell · 24/01/2025 20:12

We know how these kids are turning out, you only have to read the other boards about young adults, not working, expecting to live rent free and do sod all about the house. Then it's all 'oh but their brains are not fully formed until they are 25'

I don't know how teachers can stand it.

Original poster
Soniastrumpet1984 · 24/01/2025 20:15

God yes. There's also an unwillingness to really move your kids on. You can be shy/anxious/NT and STILL make progress, work on your own personal targets and yes, be expected to engage at some level. These can be really small incremental changes, and won't always be easy, but some discomfort in a fully supported way is good. Otherwise no one would ever do a driving lesson, go on a plane , or even cross a bloody road!

OP posts:
OfTheNight · 24/01/2025 20:19

I think teaching can be summed up by the fact that nothing you do is ever enough. You can give it everything you have emotionally, intellectually and physically, but it’s not enough for the kids, it’s not enough for their parents, it’s not enough for SLT and it’s not enough for Ofsted. And it just turns into one big drudge really.

Detoxify · 24/01/2025 20:19

Solidarity OP. Am leaving this summer after 25 years. Hoping to get into retail!
I was in the staff room forum yesterday and a parent even had the nerve to give their 2 cents worth in there.
I wish I could LOL out some of the batshit crazy complaints!
Shame, because if I say so myself, I’m a good teacher. I get on with the pupils and get good results.
No one will want to do this job soon…

brummumma · 24/01/2025 20:24

As a parent to be honest I'd wonder why you would offer such an experience when only 5 out of 30 kids had a chance to go? The overwhelming majority of pupils are going to miss out and be disappointed and surely that's not the aim of it? I hate the whole "name out of hats" way of doing a draw - maybe because I've never won anything that way either 😂

Original poster
Soniastrumpet1984 · 24/01/2025 20:24

I know what you mean , it sounds obviously crazy with a bit of distance, but when you've been busy all day, juggling the needs of everyone else and then one of 'those ' emails comes in, it just makes me want to cry

OP posts:
Original poster
Soniastrumpet1984 · 24/01/2025 20:28

brummumma · 24/01/2025 20:24

As a parent to be honest I'd wonder why you would offer such an experience when only 5 out of 30 kids had a chance to go? The overwhelming majority of pupils are going to miss out and be disappointed and surely that's not the aim of it? I hate the whole "name out of hats" way of doing a draw - maybe because I've never won anything that way either 😂

Because the owner of the bakery has a very small kitchen.
So it's better that no one has a nice opportunity cos everyone can't
Better make sure the nativity has got 30 Marys in it next year. Also let's make every theatre have infinite seats so no.one ever has to not get a ticket for a sell out show

OP posts:
Original poster
Soniastrumpet1984 · 24/01/2025 20:29

Children being disappointed by something when they clearly knew it was a draw is mental.
Ever heard of a raffle?

OP posts:
converseandjeans · 24/01/2025 20:29

I think parent WhatsApp groups are exacerbating the issue. When mine were at primary it was FB used just for info, reminders & photos.

I think it's got worse since people got email access on their phones.

Maybe they could take the kids somewhere themselves?

brummumma · 24/01/2025 20:32

It's not quite the same as a nativity is it though? Everyone has some part to play in the nativity and not everyone wants to play Mary most kids are happy with a reading or just a singing part not every kid wants a starring role. What you arranged was an activity that very few children could attend but you knew would be popular? Names in a hat is just a crap way of doing it as most kids (and obviously their parents!) think it's a bit of a rubbish system. Surely a baking competition would have been more appropriate?
I'm Not saying what the parents have done is right - it's batshit - but you've caused the issue here yourself.

Original poster
Soniastrumpet1984 · 24/01/2025 20:34

brummumma · 24/01/2025 20:32

It's not quite the same as a nativity is it though? Everyone has some part to play in the nativity and not everyone wants to play Mary most kids are happy with a reading or just a singing part not every kid wants a starring role. What you arranged was an activity that very few children could attend but you knew would be popular? Names in a hat is just a crap way of doing it as most kids (and obviously their parents!) think it's a bit of a rubbish system. Surely a baking competition would have been more appropriate?
I'm Not saying what the parents have done is right - it's batshit - but you've caused the issue here yourself.

OK you're entirely right. Thanks

OP posts:
85PercentFaithful · 24/01/2025 20:35

I’m a parent of secondary age DC and a governor at another school.

Some parents are hideous and need telling.

You’ve done a lovely thing you didn’t have to and have given 5 young people an amazing experience. Don’t let em get you down. Most of us appreciate what you do.

”Dear X
It is school policy to not have mobile phones available during the day, moreover for data protection reasons will not disclose the names of other students.”

sonnunny · 24/01/2025 20:36

@brummumma did you miss the bit where op is doing this on a Saturday morning, voluntarily, in her own time for no extra pay ?

Ukholidaysaregreat · 24/01/2025 20:37

Love your username OP. I would ignore said emails and forward on to SLT. Don't get involved with the bullshit. They should be so grateful you are running such a nice thing for their children. Some people are arseholes.

85PercentFaithful · 24/01/2025 20:37

brummumma · 24/01/2025 20:32

It's not quite the same as a nativity is it though? Everyone has some part to play in the nativity and not everyone wants to play Mary most kids are happy with a reading or just a singing part not every kid wants a starring role. What you arranged was an activity that very few children could attend but you knew would be popular? Names in a hat is just a crap way of doing it as most kids (and obviously their parents!) think it's a bit of a rubbish system. Surely a baking competition would have been more appropriate?
I'm Not saying what the parents have done is right - it's batshit - but you've caused the issue here yourself.

Couldn’t disagree more.

Any number of reasons why parents could also complain about this.

It’s a lack of trust in teachers and time wasting parents.

SillySausij · 24/01/2025 20:38

This is why I supply my children's teachers with copious amounts of booze at Christmas and the end of the year. It's not for the stress of dealing with the children all day, it's for the bat shit parents they have to deal with!

The stuff I hear from the other parents in the playground is insane. They make EVERYTHING a massive issue. They act more like children than the children do.

I'm not sure how the teachers cope with this petty shit on a daily basis (hopefully the booze helps). 😆

Original poster
Soniastrumpet1984 · 24/01/2025 20:40

Also lol at the idea of me quickly whipping up a baking competition. More complaints , not enough notice, what about the kids that can't afford ingredients/my kid was off sick/my kids oven never worked properly,/ the teacher judging was biased blah blah blah

You'd never think giving up your own Saturday morning and a local bakery using its own ingredients and not charging us anything just to do something nice would STILL attract moaners

OP posts:
MandSCrisps · 24/01/2025 20:40

Not a teacher but I have worked in schools. Constantly shocked by some of the behaviour of parents, I often wonder who they complain to when they leave school.

The issue is you need a good Head. These are far and few between. I’ve worked for a few who were happy to stand up to parents and put them in their place, majority hide or give in.
my own DDs primary head was a total waste of space. Teachers would try and set guidelines for trips/afterschool groups, parents would run and complain to the Head who would immediately relent.

I do have to email DDs teachers. I try not to. It’s usually just for missed work or to clarify homework for her, I would never complain.

Purpleturtle46 · 24/01/2025 20:40

brummumma · 24/01/2025 20:32

It's not quite the same as a nativity is it though? Everyone has some part to play in the nativity and not everyone wants to play Mary most kids are happy with a reading or just a singing part not every kid wants a starring role. What you arranged was an activity that very few children could attend but you knew would be popular? Names in a hat is just a crap way of doing it as most kids (and obviously their parents!) think it's a bit of a rubbish system. Surely a baking competition would have been more appropriate?
I'm Not saying what the parents have done is right - it's batshit - but you've caused the issue here yourself.

That's ludicrous, not everyone can be involved in everything! That's life and children have to learn to handle disappointment. The OP has done a lovely thing to give some children a great experience, surely is better some people get to do it that nobody!

If it was my own children than missed out I wouldn't be all poor you, I would be saying I understand your disappointed, but you win some, you lose some and there will be other opportunities!

Original poster
Soniastrumpet1984 · 24/01/2025 20:42

I'm currently in therapy for my intense disappointment at not winning the lottery every Saturday. Its just not fair. I really want that money.

OP posts:
Original poster
Soniastrumpet1984 · 24/01/2025 20:43

85PercentFaithful · 24/01/2025 20:35

I’m a parent of secondary age DC and a governor at another school.

Some parents are hideous and need telling.

You’ve done a lovely thing you didn’t have to and have given 5 young people an amazing experience. Don’t let em get you down. Most of us appreciate what you do.

”Dear X
It is school policy to not have mobile phones available during the day, moreover for data protection reasons will not disclose the names of other students.”

Doesn't matter ..
A child is disappointed.
I've bring it on myself m'lud

OP posts: