Life as a lawyer

[nestaarchy]

Would love some advice from other female lawyers.

I am a 4PQE lawyer, working at a city firm in disputes. I am really struggling. The partners are constantly making me feel stressed and anxious. I try really, really hard on all the work I do and they are constantly critical. We will discuss what to do, I will send a draft/plan and it will be agreed and then when I draft the letter/email/court document they say, why have you done that? Because it is literally what we have agreed! Then they say, well I've changed my mind. Am I a mind reader?

Sorry for the rambling but I'm feeling so down. I feel like I'm rubbish at my job and I cry so much because it's so stressful. I speak to friends around my age/level and they say they have similar things with partners essentially rewriting work/heavily marking it up and it's not a reflection on me. I just feel like I'm criticised all the time and I find it so demoralising and my self confidence has been absolutely shattered.

Just looking for advice from anyone who's been through something similar. Thanks

I mean it’s a toxic trait of private practice litigation partners (not all of them, I know some great ones). It is not a sign she is doing a bad job but is a sign she probably has a bad/insecure partner. If she is otherwise getting good feedback it suggests her work product is solid.

@Endoftheroad12345 surely it depends what they are drafting?

An email update is one thing, a letter of advice to the client setting out your proposed strategy on a complex area is another, an affidavit in support of a freezing injunction is another.

As you say, it’s absolutely standard practice for juniors to have their work reviewed and marked up by more senior lawyers in private practice. Obviously in house is totally different.

The main point is that the OP is currently unhappy in her role, to the point of regular tears. She says it’s “so stressful”. One hopes that in 2025 she should not be expected to suck it up. The level of mark ups isn’t the main issue. If she’s TTC, the main issue is her wellbeing.

@ThePoliteLion I completely agree. If I was regularly crying at or because of work I would make some changes too, and I wouldn’t want to TTC in that situation.

People (me included) are just pointing out that the causes of her stress are the nature of the job. If I had chosen to be say a teacher and then found standing at the front of a classroom caused me serious anxiety, I would, bluntly, have to find a way to “suck it up” as you put it, or move jobs.

The OP has said she doesn’t want to move jobs while she is TTC, which is possibly not the right decision. But assuming that is her decision, she is going to need to find ways to cope with it.

Thinking back, as a 4 year PQE lawyer I would have found it incredibly stressful NOT to have got any comments on my drafts from the partners I was working for. If the work product is a collaboration then you feel so much more confident in sending it out. I would be suspicious that the partner hadn’t really read it properly if I don’t get a single comment.

Having worked both in house and in private practice I would also expect to see some partner time on anything but the most repetitive and simple advices, and as a client I would have budgeted for that as I would expect to be getting the benefit of the partner- level experience. The key is to keep it light-touch and proportionate though.

Thanks everyone, I've read all of your comments and really appreciate the advice and support. I've taken some time to think, especially following @SquashedSquashess 's post and DH and I have decided to keep trying but more casually (no OPKs etc) and I'm also going to look for new jobs. Whichever happens first, happens first. So we shall see!

I studied law at Northumberland 25 years ago and a lot of the students were really unpleasant and rude. I did the llb then post graduate diploma to be a solicitor I'm so glad now I didn't find a job. I'm talking about rudeness on another level. I'd sit down and try a chat with students and they would turn away or move their chair. I'd be asking my grades and when I gave them I'd be told in a sneering tone "yes the marks were really high. I've never encountered such people in work or on any other course I went on to get another masters and changed career. I don't know if I was just unlucky but it doesn't suprise me to hear that bullying is rife. Best decision I ever made. I've got a really well paid job I'm happy with. The people on the next course were a much more normal bunch!

@Di98a yeah, it can be a very ruthless profession

I only found I clicked with a smallish group of people at law school. Many were very avaricious and hard hearted.

But there were some lovely people too, genuinely good people... And after a few twists and turns I have found a team where everyone is lovely

As a litigation partner I really disagree with those saying that a 4PQE lawyer doesn't need their work reviewed by a partner before it goes out. At 4 PQE I was good, but there were often points I hadn't quite got the nuance of. As a partner I've had an 8PQE senior associate in my team (who I inherited rather than hired), whose work I had to review and amend every time. I also had a 1PQE associate who was amazing and needed only the lightest touch. It depends on the lawyer.

It also depends on the litigation. If there is a complicated, urgent or novel point, more than one brain / eyes / view is often very useful to get a better pre-action, grounds, defence, advice (or whatever).

I'm currently on an email thread about a very urgent case with two solicitors (both over 10 years PQE), counsel (20+ years call) and two in-house from the client. Lots of different things to consider, and reviewing each other's thoughts, drafts etc over the few days we have available leads to a much better quality of work.

@LondonLawyer completely agree. That saying about how you can have the work done 2 out of 3 of quickly, inexpensively, and well, applies here.

I agree. And this case certainly isn't cheap. But making a mess of it and losing on a point we've not thought about and worked on is going to cost an awful lot more!

Go in house, but also be wary AI is going to transform the legal world soon.

Do you subscribe/are aware of Roll On Friday?

The ROF discussion board is my occasional guilty pleasure. Agree, also lots of useful insider info about why it’s like to work for certain firms etc

I moved from private practice to in-house after burning out, and it's made a big difference. Still busy, but more predictable hours. If you're curious about different paths or what legal life looks like in the U.S., I found federal-lawyer.com helpful to understand how things vary outside the UK system. It's not sugar-coated, which I appreciated while weighing my options.