AIBU for not moving back to my husband’s house?

[Manna638]

We got married about 3 years ago.

The house is under my husband’s name and he owns it solo.

During arguments, sometimes my husband will tell me to get out/leave out of his house. Sometimes, he will even start packing my things in the heat of moment.

In some cases, when he’s really angry, he demand I leave immediately and take ALL of belongings straight away. I agree that I’ll leave straight away but it’s impossible for me to take EVERYTHING straight away. He’ll say he doesn’t care and wants everything gone now. Sometimes he will even take the house keys off me.

Then he will do the cycle of “I said it in the heat of moment”. And reassures me this is my home too and he loves me etc.

and continue cycle. Tbh he doesn’t do this every argument. Maybe around 10% of the time. I have told him I understand he is angry during arguments, but I don’t like the telling me to leave. He reassures me he won’t do it. But it still happens.

Few weeks ago, I just expressed to my husband how I felt invalidated by him. I was trying to communicate my feelings and I was really calm. However, he just reacted badly to it. He told me to leave and that he is checked out and for me to find another husband. He also told me to leave the bedroom. So I went and slept on the sofa.

I did not react. I wasn’t upset or hurt this time. In the morning, I noticed he took his wedding ring off and placed it near me so I would see. He left for work.

Whilst he was at work, I packed as much of my things and left. I moved temporarily into my parents.

My husband has rang me. He told me he loved me a lot and misses me. He also told me he would not pack my things. Since then he has been really civil to me and is making effort. He is also respecting my space whilst I’m still at my parents. Thing is I don’t even feel upset or hurt. I don’t even miss him.

However, I have decided I have no intention of ever moving back into his house. I will look to buy somewhere for myself and live there. AIBU here for doing this despite him making so much effort over the past few weeks?

He’s abusive, do not go back! Stay at your parents, divorce him and then buy your own place.

i would not go back to this abusive, controlling vile person.

Divorce him and take your half of the house.

Don't ever go back.

You are 100% doing the right thing. Do not move back in. Divorce him. He sounds absolutely horrible. Ignore him being nice now, you know it won’t last. He is vile. When you want to get your personal belongings make sure you go with your Dad or some male friends so you are safe.

Well done for getting out.

Get your own lovely place and let him wallow in his own empty house

You've got yourself out, well done, make sure you never step a foot back in that house, divorce humans create your own stability, you deserve better than this abusive husband.

What a childish man. Does he have ANY good points that would make you want to stay with him? He doesn't sound like he's worth the bother TBH. I'd get out before your lives get too enmeshed (with a joint property or maybe even children)! Leave now while it's relatively simple.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. Your husband is highly abusive. He will never change, but there is a good chance he will destroy your self confidence and self esteem in the meantime.

You have had the strength to leave. Don’t ever look back.

This is an abusive marriage. It's not normal to be arguing with your husband so often and for him to keep evicting you from your home. It may be in his name but it's your married home and he shouldn't be using it against you in this way. He is controlling and abusive and it would be better for you to never go back. Divorce him, you deserve better than someone who treats you like this.

I know he has been making an effort the last few weeks but this is a classic pattern in abusive relationships. It's called Love Bombing. You might benefit from accessing The Freedom Programme to learn more about the signs of an abusive relationship.

Your not unreasonable to do that.

Is that what you want for your marriage though? To live in separate houses?

I

Get a divorce.

He an abusive asshole. You're not compatible.

DO NOT GO BACK. Be strong OP and well done for going. He's pushed too far now.

Your husband is abusive.

Stay gone.

Yanbu. Divorce him. He's an abusive arsehole.

Did you live together before getting married? 3 years is a 'short marriage' but if you lived together before hand that time can be taken into account too.

You're married so it doesn't matter whose name the house is in. You will be entitled to a share. Just leave he is not a good person

This is not love. Don't go back.

Divorce him and live your life.

What a wanker.

If you buy your own place (which you absolutely should) you need to ensure he has no claim to it.

The cycle of abuse will continue if you go back. I think you already know that. Run OP, run like the wind!

He’s a nasty man. Don’t go back, this is no way for a husband (or anyone else really) to behave.

I don't think I'd go back, but if I did then I'd register my marital home rights with the Land Registry.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/notice-of-home-rights-registration-hr1

You have absolutely done the right thing. It doesn’t matter how much effort he is making now. This is all just part of the cycle of abuse.

Block him and start divorce proceedings
what an abusive twit

Well done, you've done exactly the right thing. Get your own place and make sure nobody else can take it from you. Good luck.