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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Self absorbed mum

108 replies

Fatcrab · 23/01/2025 12:13

Anyone elses mum self absorbed? Whenever I or my brother speak about something, mum somehow makes it about herself....I could be talking about anything and she becomes the centre of it.

However, If we are speaking about a subject she has no knowledge on, she wont ask questions or show any interest in anyway, shel just wander off and potter around the house. As soon as she can speak about herself she will change the conversation and speak....then go on repeat.🤣

Every christmas & bday mum always says "I dont really know what to get you" and I think, yes probably because you never actually ask or show any interest in my life....its always a one way street...she talks at me and I listen.

I'd never really noticed this until just a few years back, but its actually very obvious and its just who she is 🤷🏻‍♀️.im not angry, I just wondered if other mums are like this?.

OP posts:
MsAnnFrope · 27/02/2025 22:14

Also my mum has been like this my whole life so it’s definitely not age related for her and MIL is nearly 80 and is a very engaged and interested/interesting conversationalist.

Devianinc · 27/02/2025 22:17

Fatcrab · 23/01/2025 12:13

Anyone elses mum self absorbed? Whenever I or my brother speak about something, mum somehow makes it about herself....I could be talking about anything and she becomes the centre of it.

However, If we are speaking about a subject she has no knowledge on, she wont ask questions or show any interest in anyway, shel just wander off and potter around the house. As soon as she can speak about herself she will change the conversation and speak....then go on repeat.🤣

Every christmas & bday mum always says "I dont really know what to get you" and I think, yes probably because you never actually ask or show any interest in my life....its always a one way street...she talks at me and I listen.

I'd never really noticed this until just a few years back, but its actually very obvious and its just who she is 🤷🏻‍♀️.im not angry, I just wondered if other mums are like this?.

And with my mother, it was same story over and over and over again.

fiorentina · 27/02/2025 22:27

MIL is like this. Think she knows very little about me. She never listens to the kids either, they’ve given up telling her about achievements as she isn’t interested. We now sometimes say ridiculous things just for our own amusement, as she has no interest in listening. It’s a shame, she’s missing out, but then complains she doesn’t know her grandchildren as she’s not shown any interest.

bakedFishandChips · 27/02/2025 22:41

TheYearOfSmallThings · 30/01/2025 10:18

One thing that strikes me here is the number of people saying "My mum keeps talking about the boring neighbours but she knows nothing about my friends or my work". Is it possible that because they don't know our friends and have never seen our workplaces they find our chat about these things equally dull and pointless? Is there an expectation that parents will always be fascinated by the minutiae of their adult children (and grandchildren's) lives, whereas a similar level of mundane chat from an elderly parent does not have to be tolerated?

My friends and colleagues and I talk to each other about other friends and family members we don't know, and I don't feel as resentful and irritated by that somehow.

they probably have not got clue what these fancy job descriptions are. All these mums described sound just like empty headed housewives with one brain cell

NewMarmiteJar · 27/02/2025 22:48

Thats the exact description of my mother on a good day.

TheTwinklyLilacSquid · 27/02/2025 23:36

MsAnnFrope · 27/02/2025 22:12

Add me to your list of people experiencing this! My mum is neurodiverse and while she is genuinely loving she really struggles with appropriate social communication, empathy, changes to plans and hyper fixates on minor things. I find her company utterly draining at times and am saddened by the contrast in how I know she feels about me and how she communicates!
DD is old enough to notice now and DH just looks on with bafflement.

Show quote history

Does your mum have a diagnosis of nd and has this helped?

I resonate with saddens me the difference in how she feels about me and how she communicates.

Kindling1970 · 28/02/2025 07:41

TheTwinklyLilacSquid · 27/02/2025 22:04

Realise this is an old thread but reading it has helped me. I suspect asd with my mum.
I rang to tell her about a significant incident that had me really freaked out. (Caught up in a terrorist threat - scary situation, won't go into detail incase outing). Anyway the second I finished speaking she just said " okay right thats good it's over " and immediately launched into repeating a really mundane story about returning a dress as it didn't fit well. Details about how she paid by card, where it fit poorly on her etc. All this she had already told me the evening before!! Not a single question or comment about what happened. Even though I was clearly a bit emotional about it.

She has form for bringing all conversations back to herself. Explaining this to her would only result in her being really defensive and giving strange justifications.

She also hasn't a clue about my job, friends etc. She tells me many detailed stories about people from her work and others I don't know. I have cut contact alot as, at best, the one sided conversations are boring and at worst I come away from them feeling that she has no interest in me or she has put me down.

I have stopped telling her anything significant about my life. I mainly just listen and nod. Many reasons for this. Firstly she will repeat it to her friends/ other family members. Secondly if I dared mention anything I feel for eg if I said God I'm so tired, she will say "tired? Really? I was never tired when I was your age. " or if I said I'm finding it so busy with the 3 kids she would say " Susan from works sisters neighbour has 6 kids, imagine how busy that is." She cannot process what is wrong with this reply and thinks she gave me great advice. I end up feeling pathetic for being tired/ busy and think I must be inadequate.

This is exactly the same as my mum. I contact her as little as I can as it makes me so angry and sad to have a mum like this. Then she complains I don’t call her but if I explain why she gets defensive and child like. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum, people with mums who listen and care are very lucky!

MsAnnFrope · 28/02/2025 13:07

TheTwinklyLilacSquid · 27/02/2025 23:36

Does your mum have a diagnosis of nd and has this helped?

I resonate with saddens me the difference in how she feels about me and how she communicates.

Show quote history

Yes she has ASD and adhd and dyspraxia. It has helped make sense of my childhood in a different way and I do try to be more understanding and realise she can’t change, it’s just her. But it’s still difficult as you know.

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