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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To just want my mum as a fully grown adult

55 replies

fluffyjammies · 22/01/2025 22:16

I'm temporarily living in my mum's house while I get somewhere to live of my own organised. She lives rurally, in the countryside, where there are no streetlights. Tonight I got home from my post-work therapy appointment, walked a different way than usual round the house to the door, and tripped over a flowerpot in the dark. I fell down on the gravel path, scraped my hand and grazed my knees. Thankfully I didn't hit my head on the house.

It did hurt, and I was feeling vulnerable after therapy, so my resilience wasn't at its peak, and I started to cry. The incident reminded me of falling in the playground at primary school and ripping a hole in your tights at the knees. My mum hasn't really been a mum to me, and all I could think was "I want my mummy", except there wasn't one. I had a weep in the dark and pulled myself together before going inside. I told my mum what happened and she said "that will teach you for walking around in the dark".

I went up to my room and had another cry. All I wanted was a hug from someone safe and comforting. AIBU?

OP posts:
EmeraldRoulette · 22/01/2025 22:18

YANBU

hugs from me 💐

I actually think the world feels loveless atm which doesn't help. We all need love and many of us need cuddles.

RainingCatsandFoxes · 22/01/2025 22:20

Nothing to add but a big hug given 🌺

ChicLilacSeal · 22/01/2025 22:21

YANBU. Poor OP! I have cried after falling, too. It's just such a shock.

I'm 50 and I still want my mum. (She passed 11 years ago.)

I have various soft toys that give me comfort at times like this. I've found you have to go big, like 21 inches. My suggestion is that you treat yourself to a really lovely teddy or bunny or whatever your preference is. They are always nice to me and always listen and are always ready with a hug!

ChicLilacSeal · 22/01/2025 22:21

EmeraldRoulette · 22/01/2025 22:18

YANBU

hugs from me 💐

I actually think the world feels loveless atm which doesn't help. We all need love and many of us need cuddles.

Edited

Agree. Seriously, soft toys are the answer, I don't care how old we all are.

Maddy70 · 22/01/2025 22:22

Honestly I came from a dysfunctional childhood. This is on you. Why are you expecting people to behave how you think they should?!

Fetburzswefg · 22/01/2025 22:24

Aww OP, I’m so sorry. A fall is a horrible thing and YANBU for wanting a hug from your mum ♥️

DisappearingGirl · 22/01/2025 22:24

Aww bless you OP! Here's a hug from me for big OP, and another one for small OP if your mum was a bit rubbish FlowersBrew

Allthegoodhorses · 22/01/2025 22:27

Definitely agree with @ChicLilacSeal. I have many who offer comfort and especially a big cuddly female gorilla who’s like a kindly grandma! 👵 my mum is not maternal either..

LostittoBostik · 22/01/2025 22:27

Maddy70 · 22/01/2025 22:22

Honestly I came from a dysfunctional childhood. This is on you. Why are you expecting people to behave how you think they should?!

"This is on you?"

What is? Your remark seems unnecessarily cruel.

SoeurFayre · 22/01/2025 22:28

My mum is a great supportive but not in any way cuddly (wouldn't hug or kiss me even) mum and everytime something challenging happens in life I want to wail: mummmmeeeee! But she's never been the type to encourage or embrace that. She would have replied as your mum would have OP. But she would have listened to me and set me right with that.

I've come to terms with that's all I need. A cuddly mum might have been too oppressive or restrictive maybe. Either way, we've got the mums we have and I, at 55, am grateful for mine.

Allthegoodhorses · 22/01/2025 22:28

Maddy70 · 22/01/2025 22:22

Honestly I came from a dysfunctional childhood. This is on you. Why are you expecting people to behave how you think they should?!

It shows.

Nellyelephanty · 22/01/2025 22:29

Ah that’s sad OP I feel for you. Hugs!

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 22/01/2025 22:30

Big hug OP💓

I was super sick last week and kept saying I want my mom. But not my mom, I want me as a mom taking care of me.

I get it. xx

Moier · 22/01/2025 22:31

Aww .. how sad.
Sending love and hugs.
I still remember my Mums hugs and I'm 66.. she passed away age 63.
My daughters are 40 and 32 and they still ask for hugs.. we hug all the time.

Cyclistmumgrandma · 22/01/2025 22:32

I used to ring my mum sometimes and say "I don't need you to do anything, just say "There there dear"" She always did. I miss being able to do that.

DoloresODonovan · 22/01/2025 22:34

Maddy70 · 22/01/2025 22:22

Honestly I came from a dysfunctional childhood. This is on you. Why are you expecting people to behave how you think they should?!

you just answered your own hostile question Maddy

MummySam2017 · 22/01/2025 22:38

Oh god, I really feel this OP. Sending you a massive hug. Just such a reminder to me to always remember the smallest gestures can sometimes have the biggest impact. Hope you are feeling all the love on here ❤️ xx

RandomButtons · 22/01/2025 22:42

Massive hug.

Sometimes you have to become the mother you wanted, needed, and deserved to yourself.

MummySam2017 · 22/01/2025 22:43

Maddy70 · 22/01/2025 22:22

Honestly I came from a dysfunctional childhood. This is on you. Why are you expecting people to behave how you think they should?!

Sending you a hug too, Maddy. Sounds like your experiences have hardened you to the idea that there should have been people around that show love and care x

DBSFstupid · 22/01/2025 22:45

@fluffyjammies Oh I understand completely. So many childhood memories unfortunately.
Many hugs to you right now xx💐

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 22/01/2025 22:46

I'm someone who loves kindness, hugs and being loved, so I'm sending you all my extra squishy love and hugs as a special way to make you feel comforted. I'm snuggling with my 4 year old DD and her cuddly soft toy cats in bed and it's so comfortable and comforting. I wish I could send you one to cheer you up.

Ignore the unkind, horrid remarks from the PP about dysfunction. She clearly has no empathy.

Huge hugs and love ❤️

mathanxiety · 22/01/2025 22:47

Maddy70 · 22/01/2025 22:22

Honestly I came from a dysfunctional childhood. This is on you. Why are you expecting people to behave how you think they should?!

Heartless, much?

DBSFstupid · 22/01/2025 22:47

Maddy70 · 22/01/2025 22:22

Honestly I came from a dysfunctional childhood. This is on you. Why are you expecting people to behave how you think they should?!

Just listen to yourself.

CarrotsAndCheese · 22/01/2025 22:49

YANBU. There's a little child inside all of us who just wants to be loved. Sending you hugs and hoping your therapy is helping you xx💐

(Edited for typo)

Notgivenuphope · 22/01/2025 22:51

This is so sad. I hope you’re ok.