Not comfortable holding friends baby ?

[Shaumau]

I can see my friend gets a bit dissapointed when her baby doesn’t get that attention from me but get from her other friends. I don’t ignore the baby because thats a bit rude to me. But most of my focus is on my friend. Her baby just turned 1, so very mobile and active baby. She asked me why i didn’t want to hold her baby while we walked. For me it seems pointless walking with a baby on my arms, also im a but clumsy walker so i be afraid of dropping her baby or falling and hurting the baby if, thats what i told her not the pointless but only that im afraid of dropping.idk why some people need others to hold and cho em babies? Im not very good with them until they are older and can talk and you can have a Conversation with them. Babies aren’t my thing, im mostly awkward around em. And i don’t enjoy holding them either, and often they start crying to so... And if i have my own baby one time i would definitely not just try to force my baby on others unless they ask and want to. Sometimes even if not needed she just ask me to hold her but i give her back when we start walking because i don’t like that. We often hang all togheter with our boyfriends.

If this is a close friend that you want to keep, you're gonna have to pay more attention to, and hold, the baby, girl 😄

I don’t think it sounds like she’s forcing her baby on you, she’s asking if you want to hold the baby?

For what it’s worth I think it’s one of those things you probably don’t realise until you become a mum yourself, how much of a difference it makes to have a friends who help you, even for 5 mins on a walk.

No, of course you don’t have to hold your friend’s baby if you don’t want to, no reasons required. I say this as someone who has recently had one myself, some people just aren’t comfortable with it and that’s fine. I myself am not comfortable holding other people’s babies, it’s completely different when it’s your own.

Also, from the other perspective I wouldn’t want someone to hold my baby if for any reason they felt uncomfortable doing so.

I'm not sure I fully understand. Are you going for a walk, in which case, surely the baby would be in a sling or a buggy? If you're not going for a walk, is it something like walking from the car to the house?

Either way, I think it's a bit weird to expect someone else to want to carry your baby. Sure, if you need some help while you get things out of the car or put your coat on but not while walking somewhere.

I have 3 dc and I can't imagine ever expecting anyone to want to carry any of them for me other than maybe a close relative.

I dont like holding babies and walking at the same time. I am with you on this one.

But if a friend needed a hand I would help, and I was happy to hold a baby if I was sat down.

They can be wriggly little blighters, and if it's not something you are used to doing, it's scary and I worried I would drop them.

@TMGM i Guess it be different. I just don’t feel anything by holding her baby or anyone’s baby. Like if its needed sure but just to hold? Then not. And most time is not even needed since it only about walking and holding not any necessary.

When you’re not holding the baby when walking is she holding the baby? I’m just trying to visualise this because majority of my friends kids were in buggies and pushchairs at this age, so if we were on the move they’d usually be in one of them.

It’s massively unreasonable of her to try and force this. FWIW I’m a “baby person”, absolutely love them and I have a godchild and generally show interest in my friends kids. Never walked while holding a baby unless you count pushing them in a buggy which I often offered to do since I liked it.

@OchonAgusOchonOh baby is mostly on its baby wagon so its not necessary to hold and walk. Like we walking on stores. While baby can lay on its wagon

@Shaumau I'm childfree by choice and am also very uncomfortable holding babies. I'll be in the company of my friends children but mostly see them without. My friends like this setup too. However you feel is valid!

@Itstaxmonth yea baby always on its baby wagon. She holds her baby since i think the baby gets bored and wants to sit up or look more the baby can’t walk yet. But im not into holding a baby while looking at stores and stuff or normaly holding them while walking. Idk if this is some kind of like im rejecting her or sthm since she seems kinda dissapointed when i don’t want to carry the baby around

I have a child and dislike holding other people's babies - it just doesn't feel natural to me. If you don't want to, just decline.

I don’t like holding someone’s babies. They could be really heavy. I can do it in emergency to help a friend but not to make a point.
I did my time with my own DD but it’s different.

Just tell her you’re not the maternal type and don’t really like kids.
I have my own kids and I’m not really in to anyone else’s. If someone asks me to hold their baby I say no I’m alright thanks

@Bestwishes23 thats what i do. But even if im like oh no thanks i get stared at like i killed sthm lol. But it just doesn’t feel natural for me either. Its nothing personal to her or her baby. Im not used to people wanting me to carry their baby if i don’t ask them that i want. But i don’t because i don’t like it or feel anything.

. For me it seems pointless walking with a baby on my arms, also im a but clumsy walker so i be afraid of dropping her baby or falling and hurting the baby if, thats what i told her not the pointless but only that im afraid of dropping

I was going to suggest you just say you struggle to walk and talk while holding a baby, but you’ve already said this. She’s being very weird - why would she want a friend who has said they’re afraid of dropping and hurting the baby by mistake to hold it?

You’ve said what needs to be said so it’s a her problem now, but if you want to show a bit more interest in her kid there are other ways that don’t involve holding them.

And at the same time she needs to realise that some people just aren’t that interested in babies whether they have their own kids or not.

@pizzaHeart my tought to i don’t need to make a point. I get that she is very proud of her baby and mostly want her baby to be loved by her closest. And be hold and chooed, but not natural for me. I don’t see her very often either so im more into talking and focusing on my friend than holding and carry and focus on her baby.

She shouldn't keep expecting you to hold her baby if you've expressed this.
She should respect your pov and tbh why would you want someone who is uncomfortable to hold your child?
You are perfectly reasonable op, i have 3 children but have never wanted or felt natural to hold other people babies.

@Itstaxmonth i have told her once before to. But seems a bit pushy to me. I didnt think it was a thing to have to hold and carry their baby to show that you care about you’r friend. I didnt want to be that friend who ditch their parent friend. So im mostly polite.

I would never have expected anyone to want to hold my babies. But I admit that I love holding babies! Maybe your friend is like me: she loves to hold babies in general and she thinks it's a favour she's doing you by asking. You can just say you're not a baby person but you'd love to talk to her when she gets older. Not everyone is into babies. I have a friend who thinks it's really boring and happily hands hers over to me: win-win 😄

Yeah it is unusual, I’ve never been asked to walk while holding my friends kids when they were babies - not even my goddaughter or friends who had kids that I used to regularly babysit. So their parents obviously trusted me and believed I cared about their kids, but that still wasn’t expected of me.

I did very happily hold them while sitting down sometimes but it’s a no to walking with a baby in my arms!

I don’t think there’s anything else you can do other than to continue to be a friend and supporting in any way you feel comfortable, but don’t let yourself be pushed into holding a baby.

Ofcourse you don't have to force yourself to hold the baby! It's like some people and their pets. No, I don't care to cuddle your pet more than some strokes to say hello. Give me a baby though and I'm in paradise !

Why?

Yeah while I’ve rarely if ever had this issue of parent friends forcing babies on me, I have had a similar issue with people and their pets, and it’s not even people i know well or at all in some cases.

I’ve had total strangers evidently expect me to be cooing over their pet (usually dogs). and look shocked that not only am I not interested that I’m actively opposed to the idea of touching or paying attention to their dog 😂

Honestly, in today's day and age, people are so self focused that they neglect the basics of friendship

Your friend has had her first baby and she's proud and excited, and probably a little tired

Be a friend and make an effort with the baby - if the friend is close enough, they will be like your niece/nephew

@truththatshardassteel forgot to quote you