Not comfortable holding friends baby ?

[Shaumau]

I can see my friend gets a bit dissapointed when her baby doesn’t get that attention from me but get from her other friends. I don’t ignore the baby because thats a bit rude to me. But most of my focus is on my friend. Her baby just turned 1, so very mobile and active baby. She asked me why i didn’t want to hold her baby while we walked. For me it seems pointless walking with a baby on my arms, also im a but clumsy walker so i be afraid of dropping her baby or falling and hurting the baby if, thats what i told her not the pointless but only that im afraid of dropping.idk why some people need others to hold and cho em babies? Im not very good with them until they are older and can talk and you can have a Conversation with them. Babies aren’t my thing, im mostly awkward around em. And i don’t enjoy holding them either, and often they start crying to so... And if i have my own baby one time i would definitely not just try to force my baby on others unless they ask and want to. Sometimes even if not needed she just ask me to hold her but i give her back when we start walking because i don’t like that. We often hang all togheter with our boyfriends.

@mumofoneAlonebutokay i ofc ask sometimes about Lo when we meet, but i mostly already get more than enough info on snap hehe. I don’t think i plan on being that close to friends baby or kids. I don’t see her often so i don’t feel anything towards her baby more than the baby being my friends child. Im most polite when it comes to her baby

But what if she doesn't want a niece or nephew? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Is this a longtime friend? Even if you don't like kids, it would probably mean a lot to her for you to make a little effort asking about the baby and holding the baby without her asking, and playing with them when you're at the park

Its up to you, but it seems important to your friend

YANBU OP@Shaumau

baby goes in push chair, and you and your friend walk and chat.

simple.

Wait, what? I never helped my friends lug their kids around. Was I supposed to do that?! Kids are really fucking heavy. It’s miserable enough carrying my own?

@LuckySantangelo35 this is how it usually supposed to go. I don’t need to hold baby while we walk when its on wagon. Feels like she took it kinda personally by asking idk.

Well you don't have to, but after having mine the difference it makes hanging with friends who know what to do with kids and those who don't is huge. I was one of those who didn't and still need to remind myself with other people's kids now. I'm often impressed when there's childless friends who know what to do , they're usually ones who have always liked kids.

@mumofoneAlonebutokay didn’t think i needed to be that much there for their babies or kids. Ofc i will hear her talk n that since the baby means the world to her. But my main interest is in her my friend. I also think she has moore than enough friends who already care about LO.

No, she doesn't. The friend is being weird about this.

Maybe just have this conversation with her, so she knows that you still care about her etc

I dunno, I feel like a part of friendship is doing stuff like this. It's not like you're looking after the baby - holding them and cuddling them is something so little for s friend of (possibly?) A long time

I don't necessarily care about boyfriend drama but that's what girlfriends do

I understand you don't like kids, which is fair enough but maybe you both can bend a little

@poemsandwine
i do find it a bit weird aswell. Especially since she asked in dissapointment why i didn’t want to hold her. Like its not that deep. I don’t need to hold and walk her baby to make a point i guess

I think it is strange. I have friends at different life stages - 50/50 split probably in terms of who does and doesn’t have children. When I meet my friend, I want to see them - sometimes I drag my children (one is a baby) along - but I wouldn’t expect them to be all over the baby if that isn’t in their nature. I’m not much of a baby person, so maybe that’s why. I do find baby obsessed people struggle to understand why people don’t love babies as much as they do (in the same way some pet lovers people don’t understand why non pet lovers don’t melt at the sight of animals).

Although if I have to do something like tie a shoe lace I might ask them to hold the baby for a few moments. If they want a longer hold fine - if not, fine too (my baby is very dribbly sometimes haha).

I think tell her how you feel. Maybe say that holding the baby for you is practice and you’re not used to it but you will give it a try. Maybe talk to the baby (I know that can be awkward too) but you could just tell the baby how you can’t wait to have convos with them when they are older - they might surprise you with your reaction. And maybe your friend will take that over a hold?

I would just tell her to back off and that it makes you uncomfortable that she asks you the same every time.

I've never liked to hold other people's babies. I have my own baby and love him so much, but I don't feel comfortable lifting other people's babies. Likewise, I don't really like people holding my very young baby, they may not hold him correctly, etc.

It must be really awkward for you that she keeps asking you the same over and over. Just give her a forever no, unless it's an emergency or so.

I think your friend sounds a bit strange. I'. Not sure what a baby wagon is? Assuming it's flat like a pram as you've said the baby is bored. Your friend needs to get an upright pushchair for a 1yo who will want to be sat up and looking around.

Read the OP: the friend is asking her to hold baby while walking although there is a stroller so not asking for help. She clearly wants/expects OP to be as besotted as she is with her baby.

I'm not a fan of other people's children tbh but I made effort for friends and their kids, and it was generally ok. Folk should understand if you're not really a baby/toddler person, however if you meet up with your friend and her child is there then you probably do have to interact a bit! I had the problem that folk wanted to be too hands on 'oh can I have a hold?' when he's just settled after a feed or 'oh can I take him to the park?' when it's literally tea time.

Maybe she’s excited and wants you to show an interest?
Maybe she wants a bit of a hand with the baby while you’re doing not that 1 year old friendly things like browsing the shops.
Most of the time I’m out with friends who have no babies or less children they engage and chat with mine while we’re sat in a restaurant or something, or they help us take it in turns to walk the baby around.

I wonder if it's something like the baby is in its buggy (I love baby wagon tho); friend knows the baby is gonna kick off /get grumpy. Friend says hey OP shall we get her out and carry her for a bit, (thinking this gives us more time at the shops as she's then more interested). OP doesn't want to. Friend thinks oh I have to do it myself and is probably knackered from holding the baby 24/7. Friend thinks why wouldn't OP want to lean in and give a hand caring for the baby - when I have made the effort to come out with her.

OP you aren't thinking like a mother, your friend will be on a mental schedule with this kid, do I have 20 mins to shop while she isn't hungry etc, when will she get bored and need a nap, etc etc. You can't just put a baby on a wagon while you spend time doing what you want, you are guided by the baby's schedule. You don't have to bother with this because you don't care about babies. But do you care about your friend? Coming out with you is harder work for her than it looks and she's making the effort.

I have no idea if this is the scenario but it's an alternative viewpoint.

What is “normal life” carrying on though? A 1 year old is another person at whatever is happening. It’s not normal to ignore someone in a social setting.
If someone doesnt want to engage with kids then they need to make sure they don’t do things when their friends will have their children. Not bothering with another person with you on the day trip or in your living room is weird.

Don't be daft, it's a baby. You say, "Hello baby" and make some 'so cute' noises and thereafter the interaction ends.

I have three children of my own and can honestly say I've never felt the need or desire to hold someone else's baby just for the sake of it. I certainly don't feel like I have to 'engage' any further than a polite acknowledgement.

It's never been an issue for me. If anything I think it's unusual to be put on the spot about it.

@ElvenPowers but im not a mom😅 my friend has the chance to leave her baby with her husband unless we all hanging togheter (couples)

i didn’t think i needed to help with someones baby while hanging out or do something like carry just to prove a point.

@Completelyjo thats ok if u feel comfortable to carry and hold. But not everyone likes that or feel comfortable doing so. I don’t want yo be part of their village by doing that unless is very necessary like my friend need to go to the toilet then i stand there with stroller

@arcticpandas
its litteraly that. I don’t even enjoy carrying the baby at all. Then i have to watch my steps and concentrate on not falling or sthm. Also baby can sit/lay on stroller instead

@pictoosh this is my take to, outside the so cute noises🤣 because i hate baby talk. But i say hello to them hows going! And after that i give my attention back to my friend. But seems like it bothers her that im not all over her baby or asking and begging to hold or carry her baby. I didnt know that it was an expectation to it besides from hello