To be furious with weight comments made to my 10yr old

[harlacem0507]

DD is 10, in year 6 (which if u know u know is a bloody awful year for girls falling out etc) DD fell out with two girls as 3 was a crowd she felt left out all the time so has now made friends with some other lovely girls and everything was fine. Until today. One of the girls in the group she used to be with came up to her and said such girl said my DD was 'thin as a stick' and to eat more. I'm absolutely livid, being a RMN I have young girls with eating disorders and quite a few of these patients of mine have had weight comments made to them at a young age, thus creating a life long battle with food. I know my daughter wasn't called fat but to me it's potentially just as harmful and I'm so angry. I went straight to the deputy head or insists she will deal with it and speak to these girls tomorrow to get to the bottom of it but I'm so angry I want to txt the girls mum's and tell them what their nasty little sods have said but I don't know if it'll make things better or worse? Any advice has anyone been in this type of situation and how can I do my best to prevent this happening again?

I went to an all girls school and some other girls would comment on others being “too slim” far more than they commented about anyone being “too fat”. I was a fairly slim and sporty kid but it didn’t bother me the few times people said I was skinny or thin but I guess it’s because they said it as a compliment.

I did have a childhood friend who was slightly thinner than me and she did receive unpleasant teasing about her size. It was weird because there were plenty of kids just as thin if not thinner than her, who didn’t get teased. I wasn’t much bigger than her myself , so I guess it wasn’t just about her size. We’ve spoken about this as adults and she thinks the same. She feels for some reason she was a target for bullying and size was just used as an excuse.

She was really pleased to put on weight in her 20s and is in fact in her 30s now a size 14 which she is still happy about despite being about 1.5 stone overweight. She still talks about the bullying. I think it’s given her an aversion to being slim.

I think it can set a child up for problems in the future if it’s a regular thing as opposed to a one off comment. I think because I was average/thin and didn’t get teased at school for being fat or thin, I now have a good body image as an adult . I have been size 8 and I’ve been size 16 and I don’t really care when people comment on my weight gain or weight loss unless I sense they’re deliberately trying to ruin my day. In which case I’ll be upset more at the malice than the fact I am “fat” or “skinny”.

I think you’ve made a good decision not to pursue it with the parents Op but I’d keep a close eye on things.

Love this!!

It's a not a nice comment and I've had this comment before. I definitely don't undereat and this is just how I am. However, some girls aren't naturally skinny. MIL is proud that my teen SIL is very skinny. She didn't used to be this skinny. She has a raging eating disorder but her mum refuses to believe this. Just keep a close eye on your DD if she comes up with excuses not to eat.

You read the term 'stick thin' on these boards all the time. Stupid phrase said by stupid people.

The girls most likely got it from a parent.

Ignore. Stupidity is everywhere.

Well maybe she doesn't want to wait till senior school to nip it in the bud...take a chill pill? Stupid comment

My OH thinks the girls are 'clutching at straws' regarding to the comment about my DD as someone on here commented there were girls thinner or just as slim as her friend but they still targeted her, the fact these girls had previously been friends and now aren't is probably what has driven the comment to my DD. I have calmed down considerably and won't be contacting any parents, but I still believe I did the right thing in going to the deputy head (who is in fact teaching the year 6 class as current teacher off sick) so she knows these girls very well and I hope it's nipped in the bud today.

Because she’s massively overreacting. I stand by my comment. It’s your opinion it is stupid. My opinion is that it is warranted.

Kids can be so nasty to each other. I think they will use any excuse to have a pop at someone they don't like. Appearance and weight seem to be common themes used by bullies regardless of which end of the spectrum their victim 's weight lies.

Oh okay whatever you say 🤣

Very helpful advice. Was noted and then discarded.

I’m afraid you are vastly overreacting. If your daughter has a healthy diet and a healthy relationship with food, this one silly comment will not affect her in the slightest if you don’t make a huge thing of it. If you think she is dwelling in it, tell her they’re probably jealous.

If your DD remains of slim build she will inevitably have people comment.
It may not be right but I think we are a very long way from other people never commenting on people's shape and size.
Obviously if it's cruel or bullying then it should be treated as such.
I think if we are confident then such comments slip over us.
I used to get such comments. Mum told me to ignore them, that we were a slim family, and as long as we were strong and healthy then comments such as "you need to eat more" or "you need more meat on your bones" were just ignored, or met with a "I'm fine". I was teased.

As you get older you learn that the comments are often because the other person feels insecure. e.g. "oooo aren't you naughty having a KitKat"...ermm no, I'm eating a KitKat.

Regarding ED's - honestly, I'd treat this comment as any other mean thing that kids say. Next week it'll be about a pencil case, or the car they arrive to school in.

[overuse of the word comment...it's late and I can't be arsed to write it better!]

NRTFT, but I was naturally one of the two thinnest girls in my year at school. Two girls, who did have anorexia used to defend themselves, against the rest of us, saying they had anorexia, by saying they weren't as thin as me and the other girl. My response was “But I have periods and you don’t!”

Having seen those two with anorexia (and I know one had disordered eating as an adult, I don’t know what happened to the other after we left school), and our neighbours’ daughter with anorexia, put me off ever getting into that situation!

My mother wouldn't have dreamt of going into the school to complain about comments, I was too thin - because she was the same, until she’d had children. It ran in the family!