To be furious with weight comments made to my 10yr old

[harlacem0507]

DD is 10, in year 6 (which if u know u know is a bloody awful year for girls falling out etc) DD fell out with two girls as 3 was a crowd she felt left out all the time so has now made friends with some other lovely girls and everything was fine. Until today. One of the girls in the group she used to be with came up to her and said such girl said my DD was 'thin as a stick' and to eat more. I'm absolutely livid, being a RMN I have young girls with eating disorders and quite a few of these patients of mine have had weight comments made to them at a young age, thus creating a life long battle with food. I know my daughter wasn't called fat but to me it's potentially just as harmful and I'm so angry. I went straight to the deputy head or insists she will deal with it and speak to these girls tomorrow to get to the bottom of it but I'm so angry I want to txt the girls mum's and tell them what their nasty little sods have said but I don't know if it'll make things better or worse? Any advice has anyone been in this type of situation and how can I do my best to prevent this happening again?

Sorry you are massively over reacting and I do think as an alleged RMN should be better informed and modelling better behaviour to your dd. My dd was seriously ill with anorexia for years. It’s highly unlikely a throw away comment about being skinny is going to cause a serious eating disorder it’s waaay more complicated than that. Also a shrug and we’re all different sizes would have drawn less attention to her size than hysteria re a comment. Storming into the deputy head, calling young primary school children unpleasant names as an adult, threatening to text parents is not a proportionate reaction. She’ll need to develop some resilience for high school and the above isn’t helping her to do that.

From a parent with a child who has ed thank you xx

The ops child isn’t anorexic.10!year olds in year 6 haven’t heard of Anorexia.

Yes this would make me furious too and the school should take it seriously.

No one should be commenting or remarking on someone’s body and the school should be enforcing this as a rule.

OP I think you need to take a serious chill pill.

Kids are awful and say all kinds of things. Yeah that isn’t nice or kind but my kids have heard far worse than that. I used to say someone can tell you the sky is pink with purple polka dots but it doesn’t make it true.

You are completely overreacting. Resist the urge to helicopter parent and solve your kids issue by texting rhe parents and going full on.

It’s a good opportunity for your kid to build resilience and judgement on who is actually a friend and who isn’t. Those skills are far more important to learn through life than being called an unkind name.

And frankly if she’s made it to Y6 and this is all that has happened she is ‘lucky’. Wait until senior school…….

Yes I know. I didnt say OPs child has anorexia. I asked was the poster anorexic given that they see being told they are too skinny as a compliment. Just because they seen it that way doesn't mean everyone does. It's offensive and damaging to people who have EDs and are battling with their weight.

I’ve had anorexia as has my daughter .I don’t find 10 year olds saying silly things in ignorance offensive.

lol at the idea that 10 year old girls who have already split from another girl might be concerned^^ at her weight

Kids are cruel but we can't protect them from every mean comment.

Exactly this my dd got called skinny with often genuine concern for her size throughout secondary school. Nothing I could do and frankly it was the least of her problems.

They absolutely have heard of it at that age.

back in the 80’s I knew what anorexia was about age 8.

it’s endemic in dancing and some sports. I’d heard the older girls talk. I’d heard my mum talk about weight and her constant
fight to lose it. I knew about thin being good and fat being bad, and that stopping eating was good and I’d be thin, which was good.

Eh, tell your dd to ignore them. The jealousy is so obvious, shame as these girls are obv insecure about their weight and have been allowed to become fat at 10 yes old

It’s very rare to find Anorexia in primary schools. I’d never heard of it in the 80s until I was at high school and got it and my dd didn’t until high school either. It’s common in ND girls and often starts when the wheels fall off in high school. A silly primary school comment made in ignorance is not boring to cause raging Anorexia.

Who says they were fat?🤔

Again, I'm not talking about the 10 year old.

The whole thread is about a group of 10 year olds and an over reactive parent.

As someone who has been very fat and very thin, it’s really not the same. The level of vitriol aimed at overweight children is off the charts.

I digress - DO NOT GET INVOLVED. All you will do is blow the comment about her size into bigger proportion. Google the Streisand effect if you aren’t familiar….

I'd agree eating disorders are far more complex than just one ill informed comment. This is one of those situations it probably would have been better not to go straight in guns blazing and just wait and see if anything more was said. I'd be more concerned about blowing this way out of proportion. You've probably already made it worse going to the deputy head and demanding they take action over what was probably a one off threw away comment. I foresee even more intentionally harmful comments now that they will think your DD is also a snitch.

The comment I replied to wasn't. So give it a rest.

I think you need to, your comment was over dramatic and out of place.

Similar happened to my daughter last year - this was year 4. Her then friend said something like "you are too thin." My normally placid DD responded she was rude and shouldn't comment and hasn't spoken to this girl again. It has definitely given her a bit of a complex as people often say how thin she is.

Sorry didn't realised you were the comment police. Having watched my sister die a horrendous death from anorexia, and a lifetime of bullying from primary through high school about her weight, then I dont think it was dramatic. But either way I didnt ask for your opinion.

It was out of place as regards the OP
which was on an AIBU thread- a place you comment on people’s posts .

You're still going, have a day off.

Massive overreaction