To think DH should do the cooking?

[Thedownsideisup]

I work full time and earn a comfortable living. DH despite always working hard was in a low paid job which stressed him out and was affecting his health (diabetes and extremely high blood pressure). Once we paid off the mortgage we decided DH would stop working and be a househusband. I will need to work for another ten years until I can retire. We're in our 50s.

This was 6 months ago and things are going pretty well. DH does pretty much all the housework. I do my own laundry and prepare my own food and he does his. He has very easy things that I don't like such as vegetarian sausages on white rolls or frozen pizza. But I think he should cook healthy meals for both of us.

I'm not asking for anything fancy or every night but maybe twice a week. Things like cottage pie or spag bol with lots of veg would be fine. He doesn't want to. At the moment I'm eating mostly junk also because although I could cook myself I would have to work around him while he faffs about preparing his own food in the kitchen and he's always in the way and it's frustrating. I don't think I should have to. AIBU?

Before he stopped work we agreed he would do all housework and cook twice a week (ideally he'd cook more than that but I negotiated twice a week. He has done the former (i.e. the housework) but not the latter.

I think I must be hallucinating: understanding and caring husband listens to and responds to wife's concerns and takes appropriate action? What even is this 😮

Have you tried Gousto or other meal prep box?
It really helped my husband with his cooking confidence.
I particularly like Gousto because they give you tips on how to cook things and why throughout the recipes.

Even for a couple of meals a week, it could really help. And it's yummy too.

I’m a housewife.

I do all housework and cooking, weeding in the garden etc, all decorating.

My partner puts his own washing away, puts the bins out and does stuff like washes the cars and mows the lawn.

I would never expect him to cook dinner after working all day, that’s literally my job, although he does help out over the weekend with things like that so i get a bit of a break from my job too.

Tell him to have a look at Anna’s Family Kitchen in Instagram. Her videos are very clear and there are some very good, tasty recipes that she demonstrates.

My dinner is currently being made and there is a lot of swearing coming from the kitchen. I have also been asked whether a clove of garlic means just one segment.

Well I know it means that now...But there was one interesting chilli con carne a few years ago 😋

Why ask you? He knows how to Google right?

I have a slightly different perspective. He is not working so should be doing the bulk of house related chores I agree. However if you were single you would have to do all this yourself. So I don't agree that if one person is working and one isn't it should all fall to the non working person. I think everyone who lives in a space should contribute to its maintenance. Otherwise you have one person who is the "skivvy". It also means they never got a day off their "job".

So in your scenario it seems to be working well with your DH doing all the housework and it sounds like he does all the "life admjn" too. And you are happy with the standard he does this too. I assume he does the food shop too? Just not the cooking or your laundry.

Unless you are worried about him directly washing your delicates it makes zero sense for laundry to be split. It takes virtually no more time to chuck your darks in with his for example. If you gave delicates you are concerned about I'd just get a separate basket for those and he then knows which ones to put on a special wash easily.

Cooking wise there are two issues. Firstly with his diabetes he needs to be eating much better. And as his wife is be concerned about that and discussing that with him. The second issue is the cooking itself. I'd personally want to see that shared so maybe you could cook the evening meal once or twice a week with him doing the rest. That way you ate contributing but he gets a night or two "off duty". I'd also expect you to clean up after yourself (which you have kit says is an issue so aside you are doing this).

I don't work due to ill health/disability albeit I'm more unwell than your husband, and this is the type of arrangement my DH and I have. I do the bulk of house related stuff. When he's about he'll, chuck stuff in the dishwasher when in the kitchen making a tea or whatever and clean up after himself. He also cooks at weekends and sometimes in the week depending on how we both are. I do everything else (full disclosure, we do have a cleaner once a fortnight as due to my ill health I can have weeks at a time unable to do much at all and this prevents the house falling into complete disarray). It feels like a good balance to us both and that we are both contributing.

My husband works full time and I don't work.
I do all the housework, and laundry,most of the food shopping and I cook healthy meals Monday to Friday. He usually does a top up shop and cooks on weekends. He pays the bills. I do all the gardening, painting fences etc. I think your husband is having an easy life.....

He sounds lazy and doesn’t care about health at all. Diet is so important. He should cook 5 days a week and you do weekends.

Is he depressed ? I cannot imagine sitting at home doing some cleaning and some cooking twice a week. He needs mental stimulation - it’s possible to find another job or volunteer. Even part time it would get him out of the house and maybe meet some new friends.

Would be fancy something like gousto or hello fresh a couple of nights ? Takes away the thought process and need to shop etc and he might enjoy it or you could cook together like we do at times and have a nice chat

Progress. If he’s new to cooking/not very good he’ll need some encouragement. Hell probably have a lot of ‘interesting’ questions. I hope this is a turning point for him and that he continues to cook more meals for you both. Fingers crossed he soon starts to take enjoyment from it 🤞🏻

I really don't understand why he can't work?! At least part time, in a less stressful sort of job than he did before.I'm guessing you don't have young children to care for or do school runs for
...What does he do all day?
He surely has plenty of time to cook decent meals anyhow!

Can you afford to do a few months of Hello Fresh or Green Chef etc? They are great for building confidence and then you can keep the recipes you liked and just buy the ingredients again.

It’s so strange it just being 2 of you and he wouldn’t do your washing given he doesn’t work and you do

He needs to cook proper food. I would have the ick that at his age he can't actually cook proper food

Delia Smith could be a good place to start - she had a "learn to cook" series in the past that there are a lot of episodes on YouTube.

The other useful site I found before - and I don't have the exact link sorry - was called "cooking for engineers" or something. It took a very male orientated approach to cooking, and saw it as a technical thing but something that absolutely could be mastered. Just needed to be explained to the male brain (the rational brain) in a different way. That may sound sexist but it's not meant to - I found that straightforward approach quite useful.

You've no kids and he's at home all day, I appreciate keeping the house clean takes a couple of hours a day in a family home but you do your own washing and all your own cooking, what is he doing all day...!?
I'd be getting him to do any washing of yours required and cook something proper during the day (like you say a pasta sauce, lasagne, cottage pie vibes that can be prepared anytime then just whacked in the oven when you're home). I'd be suggesting if he doesn't fancy this maybe he should work part time. My dad was a SAHD growing up, did no housework other than cooking and picking kids up, I always felt for my mum running round with a vacuum on her weekends- don't put up with it!