To think DH should do the cooking?

[Thedownsideisup]

I work full time and earn a comfortable living. DH despite always working hard was in a low paid job which stressed him out and was affecting his health (diabetes and extremely high blood pressure). Once we paid off the mortgage we decided DH would stop working and be a househusband. I will need to work for another ten years until I can retire. We're in our 50s.

This was 6 months ago and things are going pretty well. DH does pretty much all the housework. I do my own laundry and prepare my own food and he does his. He has very easy things that I don't like such as vegetarian sausages on white rolls or frozen pizza. But I think he should cook healthy meals for both of us.

I'm not asking for anything fancy or every night but maybe twice a week. Things like cottage pie or spag bol with lots of veg would be fine. He doesn't want to. At the moment I'm eating mostly junk also because although I could cook myself I would have to work around him while he faffs about preparing his own food in the kitchen and he's always in the way and it's frustrating. I don't think I should have to. AIBU?

Before he stopped work we agreed he would do all housework and cook twice a week (ideally he'd cook more than that but I negotiated twice a week. He has done the former (i.e. the housework) but not the latter.

Yanbu.

The diet you've described re your DH is not going to help his diabetes, so he needs to cook healthier meals or he can go back to work. He can't have it both ways!

Exactly.

Doing all the driving and walking the dog isn't a comparison to a ful time job. And he cleans for a few hours every single weekday? Really? Do you live in a castle?

We definitely don't live in a castle! Our house is pretty small, actually. At the moment he's cleaning toilets so I feel a bit guilty writing this! But soon he'll be done for the day amd pursuing his hobbies. Plus I'm actually making dinner tonight for both of us!

So at 9:10am he's nearly done for the day....he's got it good. And he knows it.

He is really taking advantage.
Cleaning toilets for 2 adults is hardly onerous.
Why on earth are you making dinner?
Try HelloFresh and Gousto if he really can't cook.

YANBU. My husband looks after the house, I earn the money. I don't have to lift a finger housework wise. I do cook when on days off but that is because I like cooking.

He absolutely should be cooking everyday. And cooking food that isn't just stuff that can be heated up in a microwave. I'm a housewife at the moment and if I served up pizza or sausage rolls everyday rather than prepare decent meals my dh would be really hacked off at me. There's no excuse for him not to be doing it, particularly when he has health conditions that would benefit from a decent diet.

That's f all. It's what full time workers, with children do. He should stick to his agreement. He could at least prep it all. As you get a bot older, his choice of diet is going to be damaging to your health. It's time to have another talk. He should be doing all the housework. How many men are coming home from work to a SAH wife and having to cook/do their laundry? Unless there's a newborn, I'd say they are rarer than hens teeth.

Yes of course he should. If this were DH and me I'd expect 4 nights a week as a minimum tbh
If his excuse is he's not good at cooking then he's got plenty of time to learn!

Is it because he doesn’t know how to cook?

Hmmm - if he previously agreed to 2 nights per week, then he ought to at least do that.

Some people find cooking challenging though. I do. I still do it. Much less than DH, but I meal plan and shop as I work one day less than him. I cook once or twice a week. Anyway, if he's not good at cooking, going straight to 7 days per week might be difficult. He could at least start with one day per week and build up from that.

The bigger issue appears to be that he is not eating healthy food. I'd be annoyed to have my DH stop work on health grounds only to have him not look after his health. Diabetes 2 and high blood pressure are usually reversible through lifestyle changes. He could maybe even manage a part-time non stressful job if he makes time for exercise and healthy eating. If he carries on as he is, by the time you retire, you won't have a healthy partner to spend time with.

Very bluntly

vegetarian sausages on white rolls or frozen pizza

won’t be helping the diabetes

perharps you can cook with him and teach him some “official recipes” and he can start building a cook book?

my FIl had to learn to cook once retired and very much liked to follow recipes l. left to his own initiative its was a frozen pizza with chips or toast!

I second gousto. I find it hard to meal plan and figure out what to cook. You can get healthy meals that can be cooked quickly and you can both pick what you fancy.

I had pre diabetes a few years ago..Genetic, not weight related as I was not overweight.

Kept working full time. Reversed it with exercise and diet. Nobody offered that I should stay at home or even took the chores off my hands. I find cooking challenging as we are used to fussy Asian food but I do it. ( DH also does).

Bills: how long do they take to pay? We both work full time and we do it via direct debit!

It doesn't matter if you're WFH, you're still working!
Do you honestly think it's unreasonable to expect him to cook after having the majority of the day free to do whatever he wants?
Something simple like chicken breasts and a salad would only take a few minutes of prep time.
If it was you as a housewife and him working full time I bet you would be cooking healthy meals every night so why is it different when it's him at home?
I'd tell him to get a part time job or pull his finger out!

So when he’s blind or has a foot chopped off, will he eat proper balanced, nutritious meals then? … or perhaps you’ll be caring for him at that point and you’ll do that along with everything else.

Pathetic attitude to a very serious health condition. Tell him to do it, and do not accept excuses.

Is it worth him going on a basic cooking course? Is he just not really very skilled? The only people I know who eat that kind of crap never really learnt how to cook. I’ve seen courses aimed at getting low skilled men active in the kitchen before - usually aimed at those who have found themselves single and adrift in the kitchen. Might improve his interest in the process.

I voted YABU but actually I think it’s just that the issue isn’t clear in terms of why he doesn’t want to cook. If he just can’t be bothered then he is being unreasonable. If he is crap at cooking and finds it stressful then you need to figure something out together. Would he be open to you teaching him how to do simple meals together? Maybe could batch cook at the weekend together and then he can take this over so you have a meal that’s easy to have during the week if he wants to stick to his frozen pizza.
I am probably fairly biased here as generally I enjoy cooking and would rather get to choose what I eat and cook than have someone cook me something I didn’t want, most of the time, though a night or two would be fine. My DH finds cooking very stressful and makes a massive mess, so he will do it if he needs to but largely he just does something really basic and does other stuff instead.
It’s hard if one person isn’t at all motivated to eat proper meals and is happy to feed themselves whatever is easy. Though clearly if diabetic he needs to address this!

My 18- yr- old DS cooked his own meals in uni and I didnt teach him. Why should OP have to teach a 50 year old? Very easy to learn from You Tube and Tiktok

I'm a SAHP with kids at school and I do all the cooking most of the time. Very occasionally and I mean a few times a year DH may cook or more usually get a takeout!
All housework and kid stuff also comes under my domain, then if I ask for help with a certain job, he'll either help or say it's let's get someone in, usually trades.
Think it's time for your DH to get himself some cookery books and cook for you both!

He should be cooking Monday to Friday and doing your laundry.

Also, it's ridiculous that you feel guilty that he is cleaning a toilet that he pisses in everyday, while he is happy to have you work a full day and then have to make all of your own meals.

Another vote for joining gousto if he isn't confident with his cooking skills. But one way or the other he should be cooking dinner for you during the working week.

I've only read the OP so far, but if he is now a SAHH, and therefore has all the time in the world, he should at the very least be getting himself sorted and kitchen cleared to be out of your way when you get in - to let you cook proper meals. At the very least.

His bad choices should not negatively impact your personal health.

Ideally, yes, he should cook healthy meals twice a week. Even if that is buying a cottage pie and frozen veg rather than prepping it himself. Because that was the agreement.

But if he is not capable of that for whatever reason (.health, too busy on other housework, inability to cook, lazy...and probably loads more potential reasons), he needs to at least allow you to crack on with healthy meals for yourself.

Ha! The bar is sooo low for men.
Clear kitchen for OP to cook or buy food in.
Does any SAHM do that?

(And while DH does all the laundry at home - he doesn't read care labels and chucks it all in together so many of my nice things have been ruined - even things I purposely left out of the hamper to hand wash or get dry cleaned...I read him the riot act a couple of months before I went overseas having ruined a brand new jumper I had saved for and loved - but now I do all my own until 2027).