Guy I’m seeing has said his ex is attractive a bunch of times.

[Katiem1982]

I’ve been seeing a guy for 2 months (so yes it’s early days, but I’m impatient & don’t want to be wasting my time) & he’s said that his ex is attractive almost every time I’ve seen him. They have 2 children together so he has to see her regularly.
The first time caught me off guard but he was talking about how beautiful he finds his children & said they look like his ex who is really attractive. I didn’t think much of it then but it keeps on happening.
For the record, I wouldn’t describe his ex as attractive. She’s very plain, so him saying he thinks she’s very attractive surprised me, but obviously each to their own.
He also says that she’s a really lovely person but they are just very different & that’s why they didn’t work.
I’m very confused as I’ve never been in this situation before & im actually embarrassed to talk to my friends about it.

He also says that she’s a really lovely person but they are just very different & that’s why they didn’t work

It's refreshing to hear a man speak well of his "ex". Too many are bitter and suspiciously quick to label the " ex" as crazy and the one responsible for the break-up.

But frequently discussing his former partner and dropping her "attractiveness" into conversations you're having is a clear sign that he's not yet ready to move on.

If you're expecting this relationship to develop into something serious I'd say he sounds like someone who is not over his last relationship and therefore is not a great prospect.

But why are you two discussing his "ex" so often? Who is bringing the subject up? Does he randomly just sing her praises or by chance are you seeking reassurance that he's over her?

Him mentioning his ex really seems to come from no where & often catches me off guard as it’s quite random, like he was talking about his mum & said his mum is lovely, so is his ex & she’s very attractive. It was a very odd thing to mention, but that’s how it keeps coming up, I never probe him on it as I’m not at all insecure. I’m also not being mean when I said I think she’s quite plain, but before our first date I asked to see his facebook so I could ensure he hadn’t recently created an identity to murder me (joking, I’m confident he’s not a murderer, but better to be safe than sorry) & I saw her & thought she looked ideal as an ex! Normal, but not at all threatening. I also have no problem recognising when someone is attractive, I’m a girls girl & always compliment people. I actually agreed to go on a date with a guy I wasn’t sure about because his ex was so beautiful as I assumed he must have something special about him if he could get someone like her.

@Katiem1982 Sorry, but all the signs point to him not being over his "ex". It really doesn't matter that you don't find her particularly attractive; clearly he does. Which wouldn't be an issue if he didn't feel the need to repeatedly share this with you!

Has he mentioned your looks at all OP? Maybe he thinks you look very similar to her.

Hello! He complimented me loads on our first date, he seemed genuinely blown away. He still compliments me now, but not as much, which is obviously fine as that would get weird. His ex & I look very different. Her hair is straight, I wear mine curled or wavy, she has very dark eyes, mine are pale green, she’s 5’4” I’m 5’8”, she wears very simple makeup, I love a cat eye. He’s great fun & I do like him, it’s just a weird problem to have, but I’m certainly not going to keep just nodding & saying “ok” when he does it.

He could also be trying to make you think ‘wow this guy must be great if his ex was so attractive.’

Don’t fall for it, dump.

It does sound like he is still smitten with his ex, in your shoes I would not be getting more invested.

Better to get out now before you get in too deep, because being with a man who constantly fawns over his ex, will eventually bring you down.
You know your own worth, don't let anyone chip away at it.

Fuck that, I'd dump him now.

Few years back I dated a guy who kept banging on about how his young cousin was so hot. Even showing me pics. He really really went on about it. It gave me the total ick. Dumped. Not the only reason but it made my vagina zip up like a tent.

How did this one pan out @Katiem1982

@Thunderpants88 i took everyone’s advice & ended things. I said i didn’t know what was going on with the ex but I didn’t want to be involved. We’ve stayed in touch & he’s asked to take me out again, which I think I’m going to do as he’s good fun, good looking & insists on paying for everything. 😁

…so you haven’t really ended things then?

It’s early days - get rid 👋

You haven’t ended it. Know your worth and say no for goodness sake. Block and delete.

So you haven’t actually ended at and are just showing him your boundaries can be paid for.

But hey what’s your price for dignity and self respect?

Goodness have some self worth

‘Nigel, you keep going on about this. Are you ok?’

And if he still mentions his ex...what then?

I think you made the decision to end it because you didn’t want to waste time with someone who still has some sort of connection to his ex, one that manifests as him talking about her attractiveness regularly.

Unless he has committed to change this, I don’t think seeing him again sporadically will help you?

Unless you want to be reminded of this every time you see him I'd be ending it. Weird that he would think it ab appropriate thing to say to you.

So he makes you feel insecure and he goes on about his ex, but that's ok because he pays for stuff! I've seen people on here set a low bar before but this beats the lot! Some women really will put up with anything as long as they've got a man.

Showed him he can act however he wants as long as he buys you stuff...

Setting the precedent. Dont moan when he treats you like shit (mental abuse, cheating - whatever) and expects a bunch of flowers will make it all better. You've made your bed. Go lie in it or stand your ground and end it and block him

Yep dick before dignity - it’s a common theme on MN.

he didn’t do anything that bad, I just found it weird, but it’s been nearly a year & maybe he’s has a chance to reflect.