Guy I’m seeing has said his ex is attractive a bunch of times.

[Katiem1982]

I’ve been seeing a guy for 2 months (so yes it’s early days, but I’m impatient & don’t want to be wasting my time) & he’s said that his ex is attractive almost every time I’ve seen him. They have 2 children together so he has to see her regularly.
The first time caught me off guard but he was talking about how beautiful he finds his children & said they look like his ex who is really attractive. I didn’t think much of it then but it keeps on happening.
For the record, I wouldn’t describe his ex as attractive. She’s very plain, so him saying he thinks she’s very attractive surprised me, but obviously each to their own.
He also says that she’s a really lovely person but they are just very different & that’s why they didn’t work.
I’m very confused as I’ve never been in this situation before & im actually embarrassed to talk to my friends about it.

You've only been seeing him a few weeks and in that time he's repeatedly talked about his ex and how attractive she is. He's bringing this up proactively. I don't think he's over her and given that it's such early days, I would be inclined to end things with him.

I think that for most people, both men and women, the early weeks of a healthy relationship are the exciting ones where your new partner is in your head all the time and you're thinking about how much you fancy them etc. In a healthy relationship, these would very much not be the weeks when your ex's attractiveness keeps popping into your head, to the extent where you keeping mentioning it.

I suspect he is still in love with her and you are one of his rebound relationships.

I am sorry.

Either he still has residual feelings for her or it’s a weird form of negging where thinks you’ll want him more if he compliments another woman.

Either way, I would run. If you have to see once more, do what @User09678 suggested and talk about your incredibly attractive ex to see how he reacts.

I wouldn't like this. The cynic in me thinks that he WANTS to make you feel insecure. Do they call it negging, these days?
Anyway, it doesn't matter if she is actually attractive or not. It's the intention behind his words that is questionable.

The fact that she is not particularly attractive, yet he still thinks she is beautiful would sound alarm bells to me.
He is still smitten.

He shouldn't be mentioning his ex to you at all except to admit she exists and he has kids with her. The fact you say you think she's very plain is a bit rude. I'd rather a man was kind about his ex than branded her a maniac with no redeeming features. But it still sounds a bit crass.

How would he react if you said the same about your ex? I mean, presumably people don't go out with eachother long-term if they don't find eachother at least vaguely attractive?

Sounds like he's either not over her or he's trying to neg you. Neither is good.

Run for the hills. He isn't over his ex.

Ew. Dump. It's not even a question.

He's either hung up on her, trying to make you jealous or emotionally immature.

All of these are dumping offences.

Cripes, how dumb and tactless and generally...unthinking. I'd have dumped him just for the stupidity of that comment.

Wow, absolutely no to this man!

Tell him your ex was the best sex you've ever had 😬

He ain’t ready for dating.

this is super weird.

not even a red flag. CRIMSON.

I'd move on. He could be trying to make you jealous, he could be carrying a torch for her or he could just be a nice guy who likes his ex and thinks she's attractive and lacks tact. Regardless, the idea is in your head now, you are bothered by it to the point of judging her looks yourself, and I don't see how you're going to move forward from that. If you tell him it bothers you he might stop saying it, but you'll know he still thinks it.

Thank you so much for your comment & to everyone who’s commented. It’s good to know I’m not overreacting.
i think when it happens next (& I’m confident it will happen again 😣) I’m going to say “do you know that you’ve told me you find your ex attractive at least half a dozen times? Is there something going on there? Are you not over her?”

Either;

He is not over her
He is trying to make you feel insecure
He is completely tactless

Or maybe it’s all three!

As he is saying she is a lovely person and they split up because they are very different, it would make me think he is not a lovely person and probably the cause of the break up.

Also, I think I’d find it a bit tedious anyone was frequently referring to a person in their lives who I’d never met. The occasional “Bob at work said…” or “My ex is taking the kids to…” would be fine but constantly saying she is attractive, yawn. What are you supposed to say to that? No, she’s ugly. Yes, I wouldn’t kick her out of bed?

This, agree.

I’m going to say “do you know that you’ve told me you find your ex attractive at least half a dozen times? Is there something going on there? Are you not over her?”

I don't think you should be asking if hes over her, I don't want to enter into a conversation about why shes amazing, I don't want your justification why you think shes awesome, or your explanation of why she's amazing. All I want to do is tell you it's inappropriate (for all reasons listed in the quote),

Has he mentioned your attractiveness at all?

I would not ask if there is something going on. I would just say as you said - don’t know you frequently remind me of how attractive your ex is and leave it there, watch his reaction. I would perhaps go so far as to allay, do you realise it’s a little icky.

It is a bit weird.

As you say she is plain and not attractive, is there a possibility he tries to convince himself she is nicer than she is? Maybe people used to comment on it or something?

I used to go out with someone who was quite unusual looking (being kind) and people do make comments.

There's not much point asking him why he's doing it, because he's hardly going to say 'I still love her and she is constantly on my mind' or 'I'm a bit of a prick and I want to keep you on the back foot.'

All that will happen is that he will stop mentioning her, but nothing about why he's been doing it will change. At 2 months I'd bin him.

Kindly OP I doubt he has the insight to recognize he is not over her. You can bring his attention to him repeatedly mentioning her attractiveness and he may cease to mention her but it still seems to me the real bottom line is he doesn’t seem over her. I think it’s fine to say once… I have good looking kids they take after mum but anymore than that seems off to me and speaks of unresolved issues.

Has he not been separated that long? He sounds like he’s not over her yet and therefore not ready to date.