To ask about your opinions on a 15 year age gap between kids?

[Hatherleigh]

This, really.!!

Mine adored the baby still do 23 years later.

18 and 20 year age gap.

I wouldn't because I wouldn't want to be parenting for so many decades...at 15, they're nearly an adult and you're not far from freedom! I wouldn't want to go back to the baby years....I want to go on peaceful holidays, sleep a lot and go out without worrying about babysitters....not sit in soft play with a decade of school runs ahead of me.

I think it's a very different scenario if you have (for example) a 15 year old, then a 11 year old, 6 year old and new baby. Compared to a one and only 15 year old, and then a new baby.

I'd assume a blended family situation. Agree that the last thing a teenager wants to contend with when studying for exams is a baby, or a toddler when they are a young adult and wanting a lie-in.

16 years between me and my little sis. We are close, share the same dark sense of humour.

I suppose I do feel protective towards her even though she's now mid 40s but that's a mixture of our parents being less than great (and now dead) and the fact I've loved her so much since the day she was born.

18 years between my eldest and youngest and they have an amazing bond, even though my youngest is only 18 months. He has three older brothers - 19, 14 and 12 and they all adore him…

He is a breeze of a baby / toddler and so laid back… never woken them crying (he isn’t a big crier) and has always slept amazingly well. No problems here and been very lucky. He is very well loved by all of them 💕

Agree - some people have nothing in their life and just love to gossip !!

They will both grow up like only children. They won’t enjoy the same things or have the same experiences; teachers, school etc.
Not sure how you’d navigate a day out to suit a 3 year old and a 15 year old either. I should imagine it’ll be a big shock to the system after so long.
they may have a lovely relationship as adults but they will have seperate childhoods.

There are 20 years between my eldest and youngest siblings. I would say that the eldest and youngest don't have much of a connection, because the eldest had already left home when the youngest was born, so they never actually lived together.

It will probably be similar with a 15 year gap - they'll be at very different life stages with one almost an adult and one a baby. That doesn't mean it's wrong to do it, just worth being aware that they may not be close, depending on their personalities.

Of course you may have a 15 year old who dotes on their younger sibling, loves looking after them/ playing with them etc and they might have a good connection - it's impossible to say, really.

There's 10 years between me and my oldest sibling, and we also don't have a particularly strong bond. I feel closer to my siblings who are closer to my age because we had more in common growing up.

However, I wouldn't say it caused any problems in terms of family dynamics - you just get on with the situation you are in and it's fine.

I wouldn't worry about a newborn being annoying to a 15 year old - they will be fine, as long as they have their own bedroom and personal space, they'll cope.

The gap between 2nd and 3rd is 13 1/2 years here. Full siblings.
It has never been an issue.

I have a 12 year gap and they think the world of each other and are very close (they are grown up now). I can’t relate to the separate childhood thing at all.

In my DH’s family there are tiny age gaps and the siblings aren’t at all close.

Friend of family has 2 teenagers and then had 3 under 5. Teenagers have found it really hard. Trying to do exams, planning what future will be, whilst parents are focussing on babies, use teenagers for babysitting. They resent the younger children. Time will tell I suppose whether they will ever be close when they are all adults

Not a sibling but my 14 years older uncle lived with us all my childhood. Definitely felt like a different generation.

I find it interesting that some posters are concerned about the impact on a teenager due to schooling/exams etc. This was not my experience personally or having been involved professionally with families with this age gap. Unless the eldest are expected to take on a caring role, my observations are that that the impact on them is minimal as long as all children are parented appropriately for their age.

In some cases, a closer age can be far more detrimental (eg a younger sibling hitting adolescence at exam time and the upheaval this life stage can cause within the home). I would also argue that in someways easier than trying to meet the demands of a toddler/preschooler and a newborn- who both need constant attention but in conflicting ways.

I have a teenager, they still need lots of support, attention , reassurance and love etc but it is such a different situation to the early years stage. I adore them, love spending time with them and I am in awe of the young person they are becoming. So if you are able to ensure they still have this with time together it should be fine. This will obviously depend on the young person and their individual needs but often I think we do not give teens enough credit or trust them/our parenting as they grow into maturity.

This would be my worry. Nothing in common, just unfair on both kids, and hard work for you essentially starting again just as the older one is becoming independent.

@willstarttomorrow will also depend on how much room there is in the house, teenager sharing bedroom with toddler wouldn’t be great, and how much time parents have to spare. Family I know are very much concentrating on their young children, older kids don’t get much of a look in

I have friends that have an 18yr and 20yr olds and they have a 2yo. The older two looooove their little sister. She loves them. I think it's all about personalities than ages. My coworker has siblings close in age to her that she doesn't really get along with however she's pretty close to the ones that are 10 plus years older than she is. It all depends.

14 years between me and youngest sibling.

Today we are very close and I adore her. It was also the best contraceptive possible.

But, a lot depends on how you manage things.

It's not fair to choose to have another child with that age gap and expect the older child to be an unpaid baby sitter, or change what they are used to doing because they now have a new sibling. It's also not fair to expect them to be happy and excited about it if they are not.

I hated being asked to look after the baby when we were out and absolutely mortified at the looks and people tutting about teenage mothers and what a disgrace it was.

It was annoying that just at the stage we could do certain activities as a family we were stuck back at softplay or one parent not being able to participate to look after the baby.

It also didn't help in terms of having my mother available when I was looking at universities or struggling with mental health issues at the time as she was always tired and busy with the baby. I ended up being overly independent and self reliant and moved abroad straight after university for over a decade.

I find it interesting that some posters are concerned about the impact on a teenager due to schooling/exams etc. This was not my experience personally or having been involved professionally with families with this age gap. Unless the eldest are expected to take on a caring role, my observations are that that the impact on them is minimal as long as all children are parented appropriately for their age.

I just this very hard to believe. I spend a lot of time with my teens, we have shared hobbies, I spend a lot of 1:1 time with each of them at restaurants, cinema, going to the gym. Not to mention ferrying them around to their activities. There is no way I would sustain that with a baby to breastfeed and then a noisy toddler.

I remember the guilt when I had a baby and toddler when all my energy needed to be focussed on the baby. Teens needs would naturally be de-prioritised when you have a baby crying.

I have 20 years. It's like having 2 only children but I wouldn't change it.

You don't know what life will bring you. Second marriages, fertility struggles... 15 years gap might just be the hand you're dealt :) No age gap is wrong, it's often circumstantial.

Wouldn’t ask my teen to babysit or anything either. I was purely talking the noise. Crying and screaming babies/toddlers while you are trying to revise. Less help and support from parents because focused on baby/toddler.

Even as an adult I’d find a screaming baby or toddler extremely off putting when trying to focus and read something even a good book let alone when it matters for my future in life.

Siblings may grow up to love or hate each other that’s the gamble 15 year gap or 2. I just wouldn’t put the extra stress and noise unnecessarily at a stressful time for them on purpose.

@crumblingschools I agree, of that is the situation then there are added complexities (although many households have to make unsuitable and crowded houses work because that is the reality for many families). However, it is not a 'given' that a baby or toddler will be disruptive or detrimental to a much older sibling. There are also many positives as posters have highlighted. Assuming that OP has the space, capacity and time for a new baby and the older child/ren and it feels right for her family then the age gap alone is not necessarily an issue.

12-15 years between me and my siblings. We don’t know each other very well and haven’t really been a big part of each others’ lives since I was very young and we all lived at home together. I think it depends on how much of an effort the older one(s) make with the younger one as they’re growing up. By the time you’re all adults a distant relationship is never going to turn close.

@mnat you are lucky your teens want to spend so much time with you! My 14 year old was spending more time hanging out with friends and his own hobbies, than hanging with me by the time I had ds2 (14 year gap). His exams and revision were less impacted then they would have been by an older sibling, ds2 was in bed by 7.30 throughout the exam years.

There’s 16 years between my mum and uncle and whilst they got on they were never overly close. By the time my mum was growing up, my uncle joined the army and got married. This was in the 60s (uncle was born in the late 40s, mum in the early 60s) but yeah they were never overly close or anything.