Page 6 | to be annoyed at the blardy silly woman who took faffing to a new level over splitting the bill at a restaurant this weekend??

expatinscotland · 09/05/2008 19:36

If I can't afford not to just split the bill and have to faff about with 'I ate/drank only this and you ate/drank more and blah blah blah' I don't bother going.

We only get out once or twice a year, and want to enjodzsssddsy ourselves to the max.

Niggling with friends over money just isn't something enjoyable.

I don't go out if I can't afford to drink and eat and chill out with pals.

prettybird · 09/05/2008 19:41

Should add that the particular incident was with 6 adults (Mum & Dad, friend and said pyjama inronining partner and another friend and her dp). All (at the times) adults earning indepedent incomes - and the only one who might have been struggling was the other friend. And they had all had roughly the same stuff.

evenhope · 09/05/2008 20:09

I got stung on my very first works do with a new office. The office I'd come from everyone always paid for their own so it didn't occur to me it'd be different.

I'd just got married, had very little money and only about £10 in my purse. I'm also a vegetarian teetotaller and my meal only came to about £7, including one coke and a small ice-cream (a long time ago).

My new boss had the most expensive starter on the menu, followed by steak, followed by the biggest pudding. She had wine, cocktails and irish coffee. So did her 2 friends. When the bill came she asked for £30 each. I upset her hugely by refusing, but I just didn't have that sort of money.

I've been very wary of work dos every since.

naturalblonde · 09/05/2008 20:12

FIL and sMIL invited me and dh to dinner at a restaurant, there were about 10 of us in total, when the bill came, fil announced that he and smil wouldn't be paying as they were celebrating, and smil's mum and kids wouldn't be paying as too old/too young, me and dh ending up paying for dinner for 8 people.

chefswife · 09/05/2008 20:59

Naturalblond!!!!What!!!! that is outrageous! Anytime DH and I are out with the inlaws, we have to beat them down to pay the bill. I can honestly say that I?ve never experienced the fuffing about to split a bill up. All our friends are in the restaurant industry and we all drink too much, eat copious amounts of food and just split equally. A few of us have restaurants and most times our night out is just at one them or at one of our houses. Everyone gets involved. It?s great how the boys go into the kitchen and then, voila, awesome food comes out. Then the ladies go in and clean up and then the boys go in again, and again, voila. It usually goes for at least 4 courses. Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving are12 hour eating extravaganzas.

beansontoast · 09/05/2008 21:18

when i read the opening aibu... i was all ready to post my defence of bill splitting...but tthen i see that actually it was all teh twatting about that was the most annoying thing.

however i raise my hand to (on the whole) being a militant bill splitter (that means i have no shame...but i do approximate and usually round up etc).

my situation is that my good friends all earn hefty salaries and really do not register the difference between £10 and £25...it is like it is all peanuts to them....when i say 'mine came to x'..they almost huff!

sometimes i do it just to keep their feet on th eground

Blueskythinker · 09/05/2008 22:05

I am ashamed to say my DH is one of the biggest offenders of ordering the most expensive things on the menu and then splitting the bill. I die with embarrassment. I have resorted to following him to the toilet to brief him on how much extra to pay so that we don't have to have the discussion at the table.

PinkTulips · 09/05/2008 22:37

wow.

all these peple are mad.

if i think i can't afford a meal out, i don't go. end off. and i'm not talking out of my ass, i havn't been out for a meal in about 3 years as we're broke.

if i go out i want to enjoy my night out and not be counting pennies.

i grew up going to alot of business dinners with my dad and meals with my parents and their childless friends where it was always a competition to see who could sneak the credit card to the waitress first. i'd feel intensly uncomfortable around the type of people who feel every penny should be accounted for.

like i said, if you're poor, don't go on the type of night where it could end up being expensive.

BumperliciousNeedsToSleep · 09/05/2008 22:50

Oh I see, if you are too poor to fund other people's nights out don't go out at all? So because I can't afford to sub my work colleagues £20 steak instead of just paying for my £8 lasagne I shouldn't bother going? That's a fun life!

I don't mind it so much with friends because you know that it will all work out it the end if you go out regularly, but sometimes it's a work do, or you are along for someone else's meal therefore not all your friends.

PinkTulips · 09/05/2008 22:58

it's not everyone else's problem that i'm shit poor is it?

they deserve to be able to go out without feeling guilty about what they order and tbh i only enjoy going out if i can relax and not have to think about money. the couple of times i went out counting the pennies i had a miserable night and my friends felt guilted into buying me drinks which made me uncomfortable so i don't do it now. dp and i go out or else i save up if i know there's a night out planned.

BumperliciousNeedsToSleep · 09/05/2008 23:00

But they shouldn't feel guilty about what they eat if they are going to pay their way

PinkTulips · 09/05/2008 23:53

but it's hardly a nice night out if everyone's whipping out calculators at the end to work out exactly what they owe, and speaking as an ex waitress it's a pain in the ass for the staff and the staff are always the ones who lose out the most at the end of the day as we never get tips from tables who do this, in fact more often than not they send too little money up and we have to go down to a table of drunk misers and start WW3 amongst them to get the rest of the money for the bill.

easier to just split it equally and if you go out knowing you can't afford to do this then it's just embarressing. if the meal is at the type of place that serves lobster and you know you have barely enough for pizza then who's in the wrong, the people who just wanted a nice night out and had the money for it available or you for agreeing to go for a meal in a restaurant you can't afford?

expatinscotland · 09/05/2008 23:56

I agree with PinkTullips.

Just don't go then.

Miaou · 10/05/2008 00:14

When I lived in a remote area in Scotland (well, more remote than I do now ) we couldn't take the kids on a day trip from school because we lived more than a day from anywhere - so we had to go away for a week (I was working in the school). I always dreaded it because we were on a really tight budget and the other staff/mums wanted to get takeaway etc rather than just eat in the s/c accommodation. I remember at the end of one school trip away I was told that I owed one of the other mums £30 for meals and I went to the loo and cried - it was more than a week's food money for the whole family. But if I'd said "no, you get takeaway and I'll just make some pasta for myself" then they would have felt obliged to pay for my meal - which was just as humiliating. My point, I guess - sometimes you don't have a choice even when v. poor - "don't go" simply wasn't an option for me.

BumperliciousNeedsToSleep · 10/05/2008 08:03

Well I'll just not go out for the next 10 years then so that my miserly ways don't ruin other people's nights.

redorwhite · 10/05/2008 08:37

A friend of DH's met up with an old colleague for a meal. He is v v tight and ordered the cheapest possible meal and no alcohol.

He then rang DH to say he was gutted as old colleague had then offered to pay so if he had known that in advance he would have ordered VERY different things!

This is the same man who took his DW out for a graduation celebration meal and ordered from the two for £5 menu and had a jug of tap water. He still talks about how pleased he was that the meal only cost £5!!!

StealthPolarBear · 10/05/2008 10:59

i agree £20 still a lot for pizza, but better than £30!!
Just don't go - sometimes I'd love to stay at home [miserable] but you don't feel you have a choice for work dos. For groups of friends - well if they're real friends then they'll understand if you want to pay for yours, very mean to be expected to stay in because you can't split the bill (and i don't mean to the penny, to the nearest £5 or £10)!
redorwhite, what a miserable celebration that must have been

ecoworrier · 10/05/2008 12:12

As ever, I seem to go against the flow here. I don't actually know anyone who just splits the bill equally. On the rare occasions I eat out with non-family members, we pay for what we've eaten/drunk. But it's all very efficient, very civilised and definitely no haggling or faffing. Everyone adds up roughly their own share, tops it up just a little, and as long as we end up with enough to pay the bill and a bit for a tip, that's fine.

It really wouldn't work any other way, some of the women I lunch with now and then are from very different age groups and in very different financial circumstances. Far better for everyone to know they can eat what they want (and afford it!), then for someone to feel ripped off or to worry about it, or even worse not come to lunch for fear of any of the above.

helenhismadwife · 11/05/2008 21:08

with friends because we are generally in the same income bracket and all have very similar its generally a split the bill, 14 of us went out last week we ordered a lot of wine but being pregnant I only had one glass but because the place we went to was cheap I just payed my share and was happy to do so, another time I will drink more its swings and roundabouts.

Whenever I have been on works meals because the group is so large its always been a prebook and prepay thing with a set price which includes a certain amount of wine if you want more to drink then you pay for that seperately

someone faffing would really annoy me and would ruin a night out

Firefox · 11/05/2008 21:47

The division of the bill at the end of the night is something I hate as it can really put a dampner on a good evening.

Surely the simple thing to do the perhaps when arranging to go out in a group is to say right at the beginning - at the invite stage to tell everyone that

a) The bill will be split equally or
b) The bill will be split individually or
c) some other arrangement such as non-drinkers paying £5/10 more

That way everyone coming to the meal knows what to expect and if they are not happy with the arrangement they can decide to not come or go with the majority decision.