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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at the blardy silly woman who took faffing to a new level over splitting the bill at a restaurant this weekend??

145 replies

yorkshirepudding · 06/05/2008 11:22

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
harpymum · 07/05/2008 22:50

Lol at the cake incident.

The calculator brigade drive me mad...it seems to happen a lot though.

Last time, at a Christmas do, someone pointed out that the food and drink is only part of it - you're paying for the event and the company.

If you can't handle that, then don't come.

I like the suggestion earlier of asking the server to provide individual bills...probably a good idea to sort it out at the start...though the server should get a very healthy tip for it.

SorenLorensen · 07/05/2008 23:02

I always go for the split equally option (that's hard enough for me to work out anyway - maths not being my forte). But I used to go out a lot with my ante-natal group (once we were post-natal, that is) and there was one woman who would always pick the most expensive thing from the specials board...and still, we always split the bill equally...but the really galling thing was...she never bloody ate it. She'd pick blimmin' scallops or fillet steak, then she'd just pick at it and leave most of it on her plate. So we were paying equal shares for her bloody expensive meal and she didn't even eat it. Now that made me mad...

dingdong05 · 07/05/2008 23:20

Being poor means I always face these kind of events with dread...

squinny101 · 08/05/2008 07:52

I have a friend who earns a bloody fortune (try £500 a day). She has nothing to spend her money on apart from Prada shoes and handbags. She phoned me the other day to tell me that when my sister paid her back for some bits and peices that she had bought with her DISCOUNT card she had underpaid her by £4.00.

She was met with a stony cold silence - she quickly changed her mind.

Lowfat · 08/05/2008 08:10

We have a friend like this - when we go for a Chinese or Indian he eats off his wifes plate so he can keep their bill right down

The rest of us like YP just chuck in an equal share of the bill.

bergentulip · 08/05/2008 08:35

If you go out knowing you only have x amount to spend, then just be upfront at the start. It needn't be embarassing. Just a quick "hey guys, I'll just have one dish and no alcohol, so I hope it's okay that I just put my £---- in at the end." No one would quabble that. The rest of them can split what is left.

I used to do that as a student, and once when I went out and was pregnant. Just said 'I won't be drinking tonight, so is it okay I just pay for my food?'. No problemo. No fuss, no embarassment.

Just don't wait til the end and start splitting hairs.
And of course, now it's not so much of an issue, I am just happy to split the bill completely equally with whoever we are out with at the time. But then, I don't tend to have many friends who take the piss and order lobster, champagne, four courses... etc...

UnquietDad · 08/05/2008 09:33

I think MrsTittlemouse raises a good point which deserves a thread of its own.

stitch · 08/05/2008 09:41

i think it is a good idea to split the bill between the alcohol drinkers, and the non alcohol drinkers.
othersise, a straight divide. and if you dont like it, then shush up.

ladymariner · 08/05/2008 10:25

Years ago we too went to a friends house for a meal, which was decidedly ropey it has to be said, and we were asked to pay towards the ingredients!!! We paid up, not daring to look at each other, then creased up all the way home! Needless to say, we didn't go again!
I have a very good friend who is so kind and would do anything for you as long as it didn't involve spending any money. I love her dearly so would never say anything to her but for example, we go out to our local theatre group every month, and go for tea in the local first. The bill is divided to the penny by her, then when we get to the play we always have an ice-cream in the interval. She buys her own!!! Never offers to buy me one..... she can't drive so I always take us in my car but I honestly don't think that enters her head!!!

SaintGeorge · 08/05/2008 10:31

And this explains why I have a crap social life - I can't afford to split bills with other people and can't be arsed with the embarrassment and/or arguments that ensue if I say anything. Much easier to just stay home.

chefswife · 09/05/2008 11:33

On average, a tip in this country is 8%. I know from experience that most servers don?t even deserve this, and have left many a table without leaving one and have no problem asking the ?service charge? to be removed from the bill. Actually, I always ask the service charge to be removed because all it is, is a supplement towards staff wages so the employer is not really fully paying the staff, you are. But if you ask the server to separate the bill to each individual, they may look at you funny, but really, it?s no hair off them. But also, a good server would ask large groups if they wanted the bill separated. Obviously, depending on the service, will in the end determine the % of the tip, not just separating the bill.

keeptakingthetablets · 09/05/2008 11:46

Bottom-clenchingly mortifying when this happens - I've been stung so many times, that I overcome my normal diffidence and say at the start "Is everyone happy to split the bill equally? If not, can we get separate bills for those who would rather?"

If done with sufficient Hyacinth Buckettishness, it can simultaneously unite the whole table in their hatred of you, and they all pay equally to spite you, which is win-win - you leave the restaurant without the faff, and no-one talks to you, so you can lug in to all the goss AND enjoy dinner.

fircone · 09/05/2008 12:06

I really hate it when people slink off early and put in EXACTLY the right money, eg £5.95, with no thought as to drinks, service charge etc. Or "Here's £10 - that should be okay" when everyone else later pays £25.

And, sorry everybody, but it IS women who are the main culprits. Women With Calculators are letting down the sisterhood.

ChicaLovesHerLocalGreengrocer · 09/05/2008 12:15

Dh has an awful story about this. He was at a conference type thing, and arranged to have dinner with some of the people on it.

He actually arrived late, having had dinner already, and only ordered a coke and a coffee. Come bill time, he was included in the whole thing. Being timid, he paid a whole share.

But, get this, the woman who'd done the calculating had messed up, and they'd all paid too much. She made a great show of 'oh, we'll all go to a bar now and this can be the kitty'.

They head off to the bar, order, and then she gets a phone call, and leaves saying 'I'm off to meet up with some friends'. Taking the kitty with her!!!!!

GryffinGirl · 09/05/2008 12:36

Oh this does my head in too - makes me so . there should be a law that says "split the bloody bill between the number of people there, drinkers put in some extra or drinsk bill sperate"

Not quite on the point, but thought I'd share. We went ski-ing with a group of DH's friends and one day we all met for lunch in one of those restaurants on the top of the mountain - very cheap and cheerful it was too. But one couple had brought sandwiches with them, because they explained, they always ended up paying too much when the bill was split communally, so they wouldn't partake in our lasagne and chips. When they unwrapped their sarnies the manager came over and said they couldn't eat their own food, and chucked them outside to eat their butties in A BLIZZARD. We kept catching glipses of them with the snow pounding into their face, trying to eat frozen wet sandwiches through the steamed up windows. For 20 euros a head they could have split the bill for a lovely hot meal. Oh yeah, and they were loaded - they worked in the City

hatwoman · 09/05/2008 12:55

if there are obvious differences in what people have had (missing a course, not drinking or, different numbers of kids) we tend to do what apostrophe says - subtract or add a tenner or fiver.

fircone · 09/05/2008 13:01

Ha ha about the people eating their sandwiches in the blizzard. Off piste again, so to speak, but I saw some people yesterday in the Asda cafe of all places bringing their own food. The Asda cafe! Why not just go home? The Asda cafe is hardly the most salubrious dining experience, and the thought of preparing one's lunch in advance to go and sit in there - the mind boggles. They weren't even sneaking in food from the shop, it was actually a tupperware box of sandwiches.

StealthPolarBear · 09/05/2008 16:21

lol at this thread
Agree either split the bill equally, or split it roughly given what people have had. Was almost stung once when I was pg (and skint) went out with a big group of friends and I had a £6 pizza and tap water (not drinking and it was all I could face). When the bill was split it was £30!! I think the shock must have shown on my face as someone said anyone who's pregnant just put in £20 (me and another friend).

StealthPolarBear · 09/05/2008 16:21

I love the "I've looked at my grocery list..." line - you should have asked to see her receipt and pointed out where she could have BOGOFFed

StealthPolarBear · 09/05/2008 16:23

And I don't really mind if I'm 'overcharged' when out with a group of friends, I see it as the same as buying them a drink, and sure they do the same for me. What I do hate is when it happens on a work do when you hate it but felt you had to go.

StealthPolarBear · 09/05/2008 16:24

Can this thread be a classic?

beaniesteve · 09/05/2008 16:27

why didn't the rest of the people put in what they really owed? Clearly someone else was at fault.

themoon66 · 09/05/2008 19:23

polarbear... £20 for a pizza is still over the top in my book [scrooge emoticon]

prettybird · 09/05/2008 19:27

My Mum and Dad complained once about one of her best friends'new partner who insisted on doing this.

I was describing the incident to my best friend on the phone and she said 2I bet he's the sort of guy who irons his pyjamas". She's never even met him but she was soooooo right!

saadia · 09/05/2008 19:28

this is so funny, reminds me of friend of dh's who always "forgot his wallet" when dining out so when dh and other friends had got completely fed up one time they made him go home to get it.

Another time dh was out with a group of friends and his closest friend just declared, without consulting, that he and dh would pay for dinner.