Would you choose an academic boys school over an average mixed school?

[bluelagoonsunrise]

DS has a place at a very academic boys grammar school and is likely to get a place at the good mixed comprehensive school.

AIBU to be put off by boys only? I just see it as preventing a normal teenage experience. We never thought he’d get in when we applied so are a bit shocked. Didn’t think we would have the choice…

Depends on the child really. Personally if I felt my child would Fit in ok then the grammar would be my choice

DH went to one of the best private schools in the country but it was all boys. He is a lovely man but said he hated being at an all boys school and it made him very much a late bloomer as he just didn’t get to mix with girls. He said no way was our DS going to a single sex school.

Loads of dc go to single sex schools, including a disproportionate amount of the highest performing ones nationally, so they must be getting something right. Assuming you don’t think your son will struggle academically at the grammar i’d send him there. There’s a lot to be said for being in an academically challenging peer group. They can still socialise with girls out of school. DS( 14) goes to a coed school and his social group is basically all boys. HIs BF goes to a boys school and is on his third gf so it doesn’t necessarily follow.

Part of education is socialisation including with tbe opposite sex. I believe in a mixed education.

My DH went to an all boys secondary and has said to me in the past that it didn't help his girl/boy interaction one bit so at 16 at college he floundered somewhat. Hed therefore never consider it for our son.

It really does depend on your child and what outside activities he has going on that will get this experience.

Personally, I'd stick with mixed as I can see the differences between my education and social skills and my dh's.

If he goes to the boys school he needs to be involved in extra-curricular clubs or activities where he can socialise with girls. Even if he turns out to be not remotely interested in girls, he needs a well-rounded social experience.

If he's really bright then a grammar could be perfect for him, but he needs to socialise as well as academic.

Did you put the grammar school down at the top of your choices? If so then he will only be offered that school (unless I have misunderstood).

But, if there is a choice? Honestly? Your child has the chance to go to an academic grammar school (and has passed the exam to do so).

Depends what else the grammar offers. And how happy you are with selective and single sex education.

Both of my DC chose to go to single sex schools. They were quite glad to see the back of the opposite sex! DD in particular.

They both now have mixed social groups so it hasn't done them any harm!

I think single sex education generally produces young people that don't know how to get on there well with the other sex unless it's in a romantic/sexual way. A few of my mates that went to single set schools said they hated it and it made them really awkward around girls. Given how bad the younger generation are at socialising this would worry me a lot.

Mine are both at an all boys state grammar so I can't look into the future. Like you, we had a good comprehensive nearby.

My boys haven't said anything about it being all boys. They didn't socialise much with girls in their mixed primary but if yours does, this could be a factor. The school also have girls in the sixth form and organise events with the local girls grammar in the early years. So it's about 5 years single sex opposed to 7.

The grammar is considerably smaller (6 classes per year opposed to 10) and has excellent sports facilities. It also has a cohort of parents who have pushed their DS to be in such a school whereas I know from a friend who teaches at the comprehensive, there are issues in that regard. Obviously there will also be plenty of parents who want their children to succeed and I know the comp gets good results. I would say the comp is pretty demographically representative of the area whereas the grammar is less so (grammar is overwhelmingly Asian). This might also be a factor in your thinking.

My main dislike of the grammar is the lack of catchment area. This makes it harder to have good friendships as the boys are so spread out.

I realise this doesn't answer your question but for me, it's more than just single sex or mixed. You should look at the school as a whole.

I'd be more concerned with the attitudes towards learning. In my experience, single sex has more positive attitudes towards education. No trying to impress girls/boys. School isn't the only place for teenagers to meet the opposite sex.
Grammars tend to have more ambitious students and drive, purely because it takes effort by both kids and parents to get in.
A driven, self motivated teen will succeed in a comp or grammar, but they are few and far between. Most teens want to fit in.

I personally feel that boys' school don't do boys any good socially or in the rounded development that is so important that boys' receive. But that's just my view. I moved areas for the sole reason that my own secondary school option was a boys' grammar.

All three of mine went to a boys school which became mixed. Apparently boys do better because girls tend to outshine them academically. When my third son went it was mixed. His brothers still think single sex was better.

My two have both gone to single sex (DD grammar, DS comp). I wanted DS to go to mixed comp but DH disagreed (now regrets it) so we offered DS choice and of course at 11 he didn’t want to be with girls. I went to girls grammar. It worked well for me both an academically and socially because I had a mixed sex social life through hobbies and church. Worked out well for DD academically but socially wasn’t ideal (as she didn’t mix much outside school) but she’s getting there now at uni. Bad for DS academically and socially. But I think a boys grammar won’t have the same issues of disruptive behaviour as a boys comp so if he has (or you can create) a mixed sex social life for him then go for that. But if he’s like DS and has no social life (mixed sex or otherwise) then go for the mixed comp.

DS is not sociable with girls at all as it is, we don’t have any extended family with girls and all my friends kids are boys, plus he’s not interested in any mixed social activities, everything he enjoys is boy heavy so I doubt he will have extra curricular stuff going on outside school…I think he really won’t mix much with girls at all if he goes to the grammar

But then he may not mix with girls much at the comp either. My DS is similar- he likes sport, sport and then more sport- playing it, watching it, talking about it. I honestly don’t think he’d even notice if the school became all boys overnight. If this was a choice between two grammars then I think the balance would be different but given its grammar va comp even if I preferred coed I’d choose the grammar for an academic boy.

@LaPalmaLlama I know what you mean but I think a co-ed school will give him casual opportunities to mix with girls even if he chooses not to most of the time, he will definitely have exposure to them, whereas in the boys school I don’t think he’ll talk to them for five years so theyll be like aliens!!

Let your son make the choice.

He wants to go to the comprehensive because ‘he doesn’t want to work all the time’…so not the best reason really

I know a few men who went to all boys' schools... just don't (private schools in general or all girls' schools I fully support). Obviously it's only based on my experience but none of the guys I know have female friends as adults and they definitely have some "old fashioned" ideas about the roles of men and women.

Depends on the school. Mine socialised well with girls, now women and are hands on fathers and husbands.

My understanding (may be out of date) is that research shows girls are better off in a girls school, but boys are better in a mixed school! From your posts it also seems that your son doesn't have sisters which would help him appreciate a female perspective.

It's a difficult decision because you are simultaneously choosing between a grammar and a comprehensive education, so it rather depends on your feelings about this divide.

I think only you can decide which school is the best fit for your son given his academic ability, his ambition/motivation, and his social opportunities. There's really no easy answer other than where you feel he will be happiest.

My dd went to a girls school, but she says at sixth form

Send him where he’ll get the best education. If he’s academically able, I’d be sending him to the grammar school, no question.