Would you choose an academic boys school over an average mixed school?

[bluelagoonsunrise]

DS has a place at a very academic boys grammar school and is likely to get a place at the good mixed comprehensive school.

AIBU to be put off by boys only? I just see it as preventing a normal teenage experience. We never thought he’d get in when we applied so are a bit shocked. Didn’t think we would have the choice…

Whoops cut me off! But at sixth form college she says her and her friends are definitely far behind in terms of relationships etc.The only way a lot of girls even interacted with boys is by adding them randomly on snapchat through quick add, which opens a whole other can of worms

However, there was no distraction in class she says, and the girls from her school are a lot more confident in terms of the classroom

Based on the adult men that I know I really don’t think mixed school = progressive and single sex = old fashioned/sexist. It’s got far more to do with the attitudes and models within their own family.

But at sixth form college she says her and her friends are definitely far behind in terms of relationships etc

I’d say this is a good thing? How much relationship experience do you really want your child to have by the age of 16?

I went single sex and had very little interaction or experience with boys till university, save a little dating and the odd snog in sixth form. Didn’t stop me making male friends or having romantic relationships once at uni, and tbh I was far better equipped to handle learning the ropes of relationships at 18 than younger.

For girls at least :

I went to a mixed school, but I think even in a mixed school there tends to be a bit of segregation. The boys will go and play football, the girls will join the choir etc. (Yes, yes, not all, not all!)

I left school decades ago and am in touch with 3 people from my school days. Others I know who went to mixed schools are in touch with a similar number. But I have multiple friends who went to single sex schools who formed much stronger bonds with their school friends and are still in touch with dozens of school friends all these years later. I think that's lovely and not to be underestimated.

Decades ago I would have ruled out single sex schools, but actually I think there is a place for them.

It’s a tricky one. I myself went to a girls school, was painfully shy and unable to talk to boys at college, finally did at uni and fell into an awful relationship due to being so naive and not seeing it coming (cheated, massive drug problem etc)…I wish I had met boys to be friends with earlier on. I was same as DS now but in reverse so no boys in the family and my friends had sisters…He goes to Cubs at the moment and the girls don’t mix with the boys, so he gets an hour a week with them and they hardly talk…if that was his only interaction going forward he will end up seeing them as aliens …I’m sure he would catch up eventually but I’m really not keen, wish the grammar was co-ed.

How will it prevent him having a normal teenage experience? Children at single sex schools still mix with the opposite sex out of school and there are usually some joint ventures with other local schools. Nowadays most single sex take the opposite sex in the sixth form anyway. That happened in my son's school so they were all with girls on an equal level from sixteen. Before that they tended to go around with a group of girls from another school. Now in their mid forties they are all still good friends and get together from time to time.

It all depends on your son. What does he want to do, will he blossom in the academic environment? Those are more relevant questions and you know him, we don't. How your son feels about it is important, presumably he's had a good look around and been interviewed at both schools. Don't push him either way, be relaxed about it.

Is your son good at sports. Guys who aren't or are a bit sensitive may struggle at all boys schools.

In our area, the single sex grammars are mixed in six form.

He’s not keen on sports, the coed school has a reputation for being sporty but the grammar does too particularly with football and he has no interest in it. He’s much more into science

He’s not keen on sports, the coed school has a reputation for being sporty but the grammar does too particularly with football and he has no but buinterest in it. He’s much more into science

He should go to the best school available to him, which in this case appears to be the grammar. Don't hold him back because of a vague feeling that he should meet girls - there's plenty of time for that at uni, and he'll still meet girls along the way anyway.

The alternative would have to be quite bad before I would send any of my DC single sex.
What does your son think?

Son isn’t bothered either way, he’s really chilled, only really said that he doesn’t want to work all the time so less keen on the grammar. He’s naturally bright but really doesn’t like certain subjects, not interested in English, only science and maths

My three all went to single sex grammar school. I can assure you the children do mix out of schoolprobably too much ! ----

Academic school.

Average schools are ten a penny. Why give him a lesser option?

Good mixed comp 100%, all boys grammar does not make it a better school by default. All my children went to single sex grammars- big big mistake for a whole host of reasons.

Don’t even consider single sex if your ds has an ounce of ND, SEN, LGBT or individuality. Single schools can be very toxic environments.

My DSs both went to boys grammars, both have/had girlfriends during their school years and went to parties and socialised as normal with both boys and girls. They and don't believe they have missed anything about 'normal' teenage experiences but they did focus on school work while at school without being distracted and got very good results.

Tricky. Mine were academic but all but 1 always had mixed male/female friendship groups and benefited greatly from that. They all went to a good mixed comprehensive and did fine exam wise.

If he's not that bothered about being a high achiever academically I'd definitely send him to the grammar school. Much better to be middle of the pack in a high performing school, than one with all abilities- which he's likely to do if he's content with getting by.

If he's not bothered at the moment with mixing with girls at cubs and at school, then he's not going to mix with them at his new school anyway

I don't think single sex education is beneficial to boys - I think it suits girls more. So I would choose mixed.

Research has shown that, other things being equal, boys do better academically in mixed schools (and girls do better in single sex)

But of course things aren't equal here. So it depends on how you feel the various factors balance out and, most importantly, which will be the best fit for your DS.

The grammar may (note may) have better lab facilities.

Make sure you go to open days at both.

We sent DS to an all boys private school because he needed the competition to make him work hard (and it did). He still found girls at the local Am Dram Society along with his sister’s friends and the sisters of his friends. Send him to the grammar so he gets a good education. There’s plenty of time for girls.

Send him to the grammar so he gets a good education. He'll still get a good education at a good comprehensive.