Why do people make comments about well groomed or attractive people?

[PeakedInterest]

Has anyone else noticed this? FYI - I am neither attractive or well groomed 🤣.

When someone who puts effort into their appearance (whether objectively attractive or not) enters a new space, everyone makes a comment on their appearance. Even though that person has made no reference to their own appearance or alluded to themselves being attractive. That person will be dissected by everyone around them. It's actually quite bizarre the more I think about it.

Recent example, a young woman started at my workplace recently. She's very attractive and clearly puts effort into her appearance. So shes slim and fit, long thick curled hair, fresh faced yet glowy. Everyone commented on her appearance and not just a 'shes very pretty' throwaway type comment, but 'do you think her lips are natural?' 'did you see her shoes? They didn't match her dress' every bit of her was dissected. Last year when a very average middle aged woman started, no one made any comment on her appearance whatsoever

Another example, a new mum came into toddler group, she had a very 'instagram' aesthetic.
Hair in a perfected 'messy bun', nails professionally done, full makeup, gorgeous teeth. She was so warm and friendly and joined in with everything and came across a friendly nice person. Everyone said how nice she was and hoped to see her again next time. But yet again, the comments slipped in from people dissecting her appearance in private. 'her fake tan was too dark' 'i didn't like her eyebrows'.
Yet most weeks a new mum rock up with bushy eyebrows, overly plucked brows etc, no one ever comments on their appearance even if they have a stained top, not brushed their hair or whatever.

It happens to both sexes too not just women. Examples of men I can think of from memory:
A man who was clearly a body builder joined a cookery class I was doing, queue women turning to eachother and muttering 'i don't find muscular men attractive' or 'a bit short for me'. But he didn't flirt with any of them or allude to wanting anyone to fancy him. He just came to a hobby class and cracked on. No one ever commented on 65 year old bald Clive saying 'i don't find bald men attractive' or 'too tall for me'.

On a work training session once, a very tall, athletic guy that was well dressed and clearly took care of himself came in. Queue several people chatting amongst themselves privately 'hes not my type'. Erm, he never asked? He just came on works training and sat down, minding his own business. No one commented on the other average men sat there.

I honestly don't think it's just jealousy. As people comment on both sexes.
A random person comes into a new space who made an effort with their appearance (whether done well or not), and people HAVE to comment. Despite them making no references to their own appearance or alluding to wanting anyone to find them attractive.
Yet someone else new, either average or scruffy enters the same proximity and no comments. Why?

If your someone who makes an effort with their appearance, do you notice people doing it? Subtly dissecting your appearance? It looks stressful!

If someone spends the majority of their time looking in the mirror or obsessing about their makeup or wardrobe, and posting selfies so everyone can admire them that doesn't leave much time for bothering about anyone else does it?

So imo people who are obsessed with their appearance are generally only interested in other people as a source of praise/ admiration for themselves.

You also see it every time there's a thread about class/money - "Proper old money people drive battered Volvos, wear a jumper the dogs have slept on, and have a family of sparrows nesting in their hair; only aspirational working/middle class people care about their appearance."

I think some people admire in a nice way and others just don't...I make a lot of effort with my appearance, chose clothes carefully, groomed. I have a friend who never ever gives a compliment...I showed her another photo of a friend of mine who looked fabulous in a beautiful dress and this woman made a rude comment about her hair. Levelling down...I think some people give lots of compliments, I do and others just don't, no idea why

Being well-groomed or attractive does not mean you're constantly looking in the mirror or posting selfies or 'obsessing' about anything. This is a perfect example of someone trying to dismiss and belittle people who look good, probably due to their own insecurities.

I'm not trying to belittle anyone.

Tbh I suppose I am talking about people who take things to the extreme. The extreme where the person is the focus of comment about how she looks because her appearancw and make up, clothes, nails, etc. are obviously of over riding importance in her life.

Of course it's possible, and I hope normal for people to present themselves in an aesthetically pleasing way without making it the focus of their lives.

I'm ashamed to say I do a similar thing. Not necessarily comment negatively on someone's appearance although i did find it a small consolation when a woman who seemed really perfect had horrible feet! but I'm almost surprised if someone who looks really perfect, is a nice person! I find myself saying "actually they're really nice"...when they have given no impression at all that they wouldn't be. I think its me trying to persuade myself there's a reason I might not like them rather than admit that I'm envious. I'm really short, and I feel like I look chunky next to most people (But I have recognised it's a me-problem!)

They do it to make themselves feel better. It's as simple as that.
If they commented on the 'scruffy' people they wouldn't get the same satisfaction. But they comment on someone who has nice hair etc it makes them feel better. Kind of like I can't have what they have so I will put them down instead

People are commenting because their levels of attractiveness and grooming are different from the norm. They would also notice if someone was very unkempt, but it's ruder to discuss that.

I'm less than 5ft tall, my height is often mentioned...but if I meet new people (and with people i know!) I often make a self deprecating joke about it, before anyone else does, so they are laughing with me not at me IYSWIM, it's almost like a self defence mechanism.

Im not sure when we need to go back to though, it was ever thus.

Agreed- It’s plain old jealousy.
A tall, slim polished looking woman will get comments wheras someone stomping in in crocs and a grubby pink top won’t be a threat to anyone.

As for the muscular man- he’s probably Gay anyway and not remotely interested in any of the women looking to knock him down.

I've never witnessed it happen to men, only women. I think it is envy amd insecurities, it could work for both sees, a woman may feel insecure around an attractive man thinking it's the kind of man who won't have an interet in her.
I have insecurities and I notice if another woman has something I don't and I'll admit I do wonder if it is natural or they have had work. I keep it to myself though as I have experienced being on the receiving end of jealousy when I was younger and it's not nice.

Although I haven't witnessed what you describe OP, I can give my angle from the other side.
I grew up in an environment where the majority of people would be well turned out. Or making an effort as you put it. Just the way it was. It wasn't a real effort as such, it was a way of life. Women always dressed very nicely (but appropriate for the occasion), nice hair, skin, nails etc. men, as far as I remember, also neat and tidy. If someone who didn't fit that image would get into that environment, there would be some comments about lack of personal care or self respect. Not many comments to be fair, but there would be some comments occasionally about the way this other person was dressed or if hair was messy or generally not looked after. No comments about, say, big ears or a big nose or being overweight etc, nothing like that at all. Just about general appearance. Was that levelling? I don't know. The fact was, these 'different' people stood out, didn't fit in to certain standards.

The person I know that spends the most time grooming is a rather large middle aged lady!
It's not makeup and fake everything, its skin and body care (mostly any new anti ageing fad). She spends an astronomical amount of money on it.
You wouldn't look twice if she walked into a room, she looks like a very nice mumsy lady, almost like you would imagine a librarian to look like.
I wear plenty of makeup, do my hair & nails etc and am also a rather large lady. I spend a fraction of the amount of time/money as my friend but in theory I would get the catty comments because my appearance means it looks like I spend more money and time on myself.
People can/will comment as much as they like but as usual they never know the full story.

Give over!

I'm (mostly) well groomed. I wear makeup every day, my hair is well cut and tidy, I have a light fake tan, my nails done and my clothes are always well put together if I leave the house. I have my eyebrows waxed and dyed and when I can afford it, occasionally have my lashes done. I like playing around with makeup, buying makeup and clothes. I also take selfies (because if I didn't, my kids would never have any photos of their mum!)

It doesn't mean I'm obsessed with my appearance because I like to take care of it. I'm a member of the PTA, governors, and volunteer for a local charity supporting vulnerable people. I also have four children, self-employed and home educate.

You can be well groomed and give a shit about the way you look without spending all your time on it. I get up half an hour earlier to do my hair and makeup than I would if I couldn't be arsed. I just choose to use some of my downtime to play about with makeup and clothes rather than something else.

Being well groomed and caring aren't mutually exclusive. Doing your hair and makeup doesn't have to take hours and hours and doesn't mean someone's obsessed.

Same reason people talk about scruffy people. They stand out. If you think of it as 80% of people are somewhere in the middle, 10% are “well groomed” and 10% are “scruffy” then the two smaller groups stand out as “different” so they attract attention. If you were out in the car you’d probably notice a Rolls Royce go past, or a really old car spewing fumes but I doubt you’d notice a 3 year Old Ford Focus specifically.

I guess lots of reasons. Some people are jealous, insecure, unhappy or just bored..Most people like a bit of drama. I know what you're talking about but fortunately I don't hear too much of it these days. I think we do generally tend to grow out of it when we realise there's more to others than the superficial appearance. plus, older women are just less visible to others so they don't provoke this kind of talk.

That's all I got.

I notice other people do this but I don't do it, I don't notice. The only time that I did was when a man who I believe was a Dad at the school my children went to was on the beach and wanted to go for a swim, he asked a group of us so 3 Mums, if we were going to be sitting still for a bit and if so could we look after his stuff. I said, "yes we will be here as he kind of addressed me more than my friends who were sitting further back, and proceeded to take all his clothes off down to his trunks. You couldn't really not look at him but I thought he seemed to do it on purpose, my friends were talking about him loads once he had gone into the sea. Yes, he was objectively good looking and very strong looking, not your average Dad so I think you are right, I don't think as much interest if he was a typical looking Dad.

Is this for real? Are you 12 years old? Get a fucking grip 🙄

I must be lucky. I don’t seem to mix with bitchy people.

Because people read making an effort to look attractive as communication which says "Find me attractive people!" and they proceed to answer this unspoken percieved communication with their opinion on whether they find the person attractive. People who make no effort and not percieved to be communicating anything about their appearance so there's nothing to respond to. Its also seen as more socially acceptable to criticise people for making an effort (vain, shallow, insecure) than not (busy, self confident and don't care, better things to think about).

If someone obviously makes an effort to attract attention to their looks, it attracts attention to their looks.

As 5128 says, it is a kind of communication and it invites replies.

If I decide to put a few paintings on my wall, people will comment on the paintings. If I decide to have music on when having guests, they will talk about music. Attracting attention to some topic opens the topic.

It’s jealousy!

I used to be very insecure therefore it made me feel better to pick apart other people negatively!!

However, I am now a lot more secure and love myself. I also realised being mean about other people didn’t make me feel better it just made me even more miserable!

I now point out nice things about people!!

She isn’t saying she’s like that… just that some people are!

People are insecure OP