Why do people make comments about well groomed or attractive people?

[PeakedInterest]

Has anyone else noticed this? FYI - I am neither attractive or well groomed 🤣.

When someone who puts effort into their appearance (whether objectively attractive or not) enters a new space, everyone makes a comment on their appearance. Even though that person has made no reference to their own appearance or alluded to themselves being attractive. That person will be dissected by everyone around them. It's actually quite bizarre the more I think about it.

Recent example, a young woman started at my workplace recently. She's very attractive and clearly puts effort into her appearance. So shes slim and fit, long thick curled hair, fresh faced yet glowy. Everyone commented on her appearance and not just a 'shes very pretty' throwaway type comment, but 'do you think her lips are natural?' 'did you see her shoes? They didn't match her dress' every bit of her was dissected. Last year when a very average middle aged woman started, no one made any comment on her appearance whatsoever

Another example, a new mum came into toddler group, she had a very 'instagram' aesthetic.
Hair in a perfected 'messy bun', nails professionally done, full makeup, gorgeous teeth. She was so warm and friendly and joined in with everything and came across a friendly nice person. Everyone said how nice she was and hoped to see her again next time. But yet again, the comments slipped in from people dissecting her appearance in private. 'her fake tan was too dark' 'i didn't like her eyebrows'.
Yet most weeks a new mum rock up with bushy eyebrows, overly plucked brows etc, no one ever comments on their appearance even if they have a stained top, not brushed their hair or whatever.

It happens to both sexes too not just women. Examples of men I can think of from memory:
A man who was clearly a body builder joined a cookery class I was doing, queue women turning to eachother and muttering 'i don't find muscular men attractive' or 'a bit short for me'. But he didn't flirt with any of them or allude to wanting anyone to fancy him. He just came to a hobby class and cracked on. No one ever commented on 65 year old bald Clive saying 'i don't find bald men attractive' or 'too tall for me'.

On a work training session once, a very tall, athletic guy that was well dressed and clearly took care of himself came in. Queue several people chatting amongst themselves privately 'hes not my type'. Erm, he never asked? He just came on works training and sat down, minding his own business. No one commented on the other average men sat there.

I honestly don't think it's just jealousy. As people comment on both sexes.
A random person comes into a new space who made an effort with their appearance (whether done well or not), and people HAVE to comment. Despite them making no references to their own appearance or alluding to wanting anyone to find them attractive.
Yet someone else new, either average or scruffy enters the same proximity and no comments. Why?

If your someone who makes an effort with their appearance, do you notice people doing it? Subtly dissecting your appearance? It looks stressful!

I think it’s envy, it used to happen to me when I dated the guy everyone fancied when young. ‘She’s pretty’. Second glance, whispers snidely. ‘she’s not all that’.

A man who was clearly a body builder joined a cookery class I was doing, queue women turning to eachother and muttering 'i don't find muscular men attractive' or 'a bit short for me'.

They were queuing to talk about him?
Heavens.

If your someone who makes an effort with their appearance, do you notice people doing it? Subtly dissecting your appearance? It looks stressful!

No, not at all.
They're too busy complaining about my pedantry.

It's levelling people down. A form of self soothing. Knocking them off their pedestal (no need for it).

Exactly this!! It’s a way of bridging the gap between themselves and the person they are commenting on.

I agree with pp , it's definitely envy. When someone below average comes in they aren't a threat and are staying in their 'box' but when an attractive person comes along it's "who do they think they are coming in here all flashy, they need to be taken down a peg or two" so start bitching about their appearance. Noses are out of joint. I've come to realise that a lot of people are like this. It must stem from low self esteem.

Oh I hate it how people are so obsessive about physical appearance.

It's a pity we can't get back to valuing people for who they are and what their personality is rather than their looks and clothes and how much time and money they spend on their appearance.

I'm afraid when I see some one who presents themselves as perfectly groomed all the time I am wary of them because it comes over to me that they are totally self absorbed and must spend most of their time in front of a mirror.
I'm similarly wary of people forever posting selfies.

Caring about other people is a much more attractive quality than obsession with appearance.

I really admire natural good looks but genuinely don’t like an over groomed look. I personally don’t think overdone tweaks, makeup and fake tan look great. I think a little makeup is lovely and a lot of over groomed (in my opinion) people would look far more attractive if they toned it down a bit. That’s just my opinion and I’m sure no one is interested in it.

I really don’t feel envious. My face is quite acceptable as it is (body not so much). I could absolutely not be bothered with layers of foundation and a lengthy beauty routine. I think I look fine with my 5 minute make up routine, I also look fine without it.

This

I have honestly never come across this. I don’t know anyone, at work or socially or anywhere else, who would comment negatively on someone else’s appearance. I mean sure, I expect people think it sometimes, but they wouldn’t say it aloud.

This... I don't witness much of this tbh, as I've distanced myself from the 'friends' I've had in the past who had a tendency to do this. You can't do that in a workplace, but if you are involved in a conversation that gets bitchy you could challenge them. I would.

This is an interesting perspective and @MyUmberSeal yess 'bridging the gap' may be it!

It's so odd because there's rarely ever a prompt from the groomed person to require the comment.

A well groomed or attractive person comes into a room and sits down. Says nothing and does nothing. Just minds their own business. As do other people. Yet people will suddenly dissect the attractive persons appearance for no reason.
'their nose is a bit big' 'did you see their shoes?' 'their not my type' 'yeah their pretty but they've got nothing on so and so' 'i personally wouldn't have worn that jacket with that top'.

But everyone else, even if they look like they've been dragged a hedge backwards or is wearing unshapely worn out clothes with gravy stains gets NO comment.

Levelling down may be it.

Maybe that also then extends to the comments of the opposite sex. If you feel you couldn't date a 6.3ft athletic objectively attractive man, you have a protective instinct to declare 'their not my type!' as a way of a sort of self soothing? Despite them not even giving you eye contact 🤣

This happens to me. I'm 5ft 1, size 8, long blonde hair, nice teeth, (thanks adult braces), what others might consider a 'good' face. Don't see myself as some sort of beauty by any means and am definitely not high maintenance at all I've just lucked out genetically and pay to get my hair done, wear a bit of make-up. Not immaculate but more of a natural vibe.
Anyway, every single time I go somewhere new or meet a new group someone (usually a woman) will make a comment like I'd kill for your hair or you've got amazing teeth but then something about my height like 'you are so short in real life though'.
Also people constantly ask me if I've lost weight, tell me I have when I say I haven't. I've been the same size my whole adult life.
As an aside, the height comment thing in general is something that's considered acceptable (for tall people as well). My height is the butt of so many jokes and is always mentioned when I meet people. I usually reply 'no shit Sherlock' and wonder what would happen if I commented on everyone's weight in the same way.
Example: offered someone a drink at work. They said 'are you sure you can reach the mugs' haha so funny.
Imagine if I said to someone 'do you want to sit in this chair? Do you think you can fit your arse on it?'
Off on a tangent there but I do wonder if people think it's ok to mock my height because I'm otherwise considered 'attractive' whatever that means.

Some of it is jealousy

Some of it is to make them look small and stupid because only dim people are overly concerned with their appearance, intelligent people have much more important things to focus on and their lives are way to busy to have time for that sort of thing

Some of it is because it makes them feel inadequate and guilty and lazy for not looking after their own appearance and they feel bad for not making the effort

Exactly this and from an anthropological point of view it's fascinating.

In an institutionalised society like ours we like people to stay in their lane and respect their station - stay in their box, as you put it. Be who you like on the inside but the outside should reflect your position in life, i.e., a mum should look mum-ish. When people step outside of this then other people get judgemental about it and decide they clearly have no inner substance because everything is out there on the surface, on show as they've nothing else to offer.

It stands out as pettiness even more when you compare it to other, more egalitarian cultures, where it's actively encouraged to put work into styling your appearance.

@User543211 ooh that's interesting. It must be what a previous poster said about levelling down. Needing to find a perceived flaw to make themselves feel better I guess? 'yeah she's pretty, but at least I'm not small' even though you've never once mentioned your looks or height (nothing wrong with being short btw).

You must find it infuriating! I know I would! The person next to you has zero comment made about them but you get a full on review head to toe on your appearance for just existing!

Likewise, I haven't encountered this. The odd passing comment like "She always looks well" or "I love that coat" certainly, but nothing more than that.

@MugsyBalonz yes that is fascinating to think about. The glamorous mum I was talking about actually has a really job that's very confrontational and full on. Faced with physical aggression everyday. A job that men normally do.

She was friendly and interesting and appeared an attentive mum. Yet the comments were about her appearance/fake tan etc. i was more intrigued by her job!

But it's like you say, she didn't present as 'mum-ish' so physical flaws had to be found.

Although as time went on and she kept coming back to toddler group and everyone got to know her, the comments stopped, no one made a single comment on her looks other than compliments!
She went from being critically dissected to being almost fawned over. I wonder why?

Someone joins a group who very obviously, for whatever reason(s), changes the social dynamic. People are trying to come to a consensus on how they are going to respond to that person and establish/ reestablish the social hierarchy. We’re just chimps when it comes down to it.

Looking good takes upkeep, and immediately people think that means you are shallow or vain. Never mind that we have grown up with the media poking fun at everyone over a size 8 and we have algorithms constantly exposing us to the top 1% most beautiful people in existence. You get people going 'not me, i prefer the natural look' but in a way that's looking down on someone for wanting to fake tan, dye their hair, wear makeup etc, like it's somehow morally superior not to do those things? Looking good takes a lot of effort but I've noticed with a girl I know who is very into the love island sort of look, it's a social thing too! Also - she's getting her nails, lashes and hair done by her mates, so local girls who aren't paying for chairs at the big salon chains, she loves makeup and experimenting and finds it soothing, the same as me. She doesn't find all the upkeep stressful, she enjoys it - it's a hobby.
I hate all the 'why has she ruined her face with fillers' maybe have a look at the way previous generations have spoken about each other's physical appearance - a lot of women i know (mid thirties) have discussed that our mothers generation see nothing wrong with commenting on someone's weight, clothes or face in a negative way, I just don't see it among people my age. (To be clear, im not saying every woman of a certain age does this at all!!) As a woman you are simulateously expected to be pretty but also not look like you put any effort into being pretty. There are some really genetically blessed people out there, but there are a lot of us who want to put in the effort to feel good, whatever the reason, but society has successfully branded 'TRYING to look good' as some kind of moral failing....

I think people who are attractive and clearly make an effort are held to a higher standard than those of us who aren't, so people comment more.

I don't agree with that being the case, but I think it's true.

Yes, I hear this all the time at work, especially if she’s new and attractive. Comments such as “I wouldn’t have time in the morning” and other digs at her appearance and what she wears.

You can see it even from some PP on this thread - an idea that people who care about their appearance must only or mostly care about that, and not other more worthy things. You see it often in Style and Beauty - "I have better things to do than care about how my hair looks" and so on. I don't know what people who feel like that make of people who are successful/interesting/caring/intelligent, etc., and also well groomed.

The two are not mutually exclusive 🤨.

Basically, people feel threatened by them and want to make themselves feel better.

I was model like in my early 20s. Tall, blonde , attractive, wore nice clothes. Broke the bank to have a nice car. Got stared at a lot..and bitched about a lot. Some girls would be deliberately nasty to me in the workplace and try to take me down a peg or two even though I was polite to everyone.
Those days are now over and I am slightly overweight from back to back pregnancies. My dm seems quite disappointed in how I look now. She hasn't said anything but I can just sense it. She focused a lot on my appearance as a child. But it is a bit of a relief that nobody is being nasty anymore just on appearance. Silver linings 🤣

People got much, much kinder to me when I started wearing glasses.

People feel more relaxed around vulnerable people.