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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed with DH over holiday!

63 replies

Dish19 · 21/01/2025 09:04

DH and I have booked a holiday in summer with DSIL and her family. We’ve paid a deposit etc. We have DCs 4 and 9 months.

Yesterday DH came home from work and straightaway started telling me he doesn’t think he can have those dates off work now as too many people are off. I (obviously?) got annoyed as he agreed the dates so I presumed as an adult he would have checked. He then got angry at me, saying he only wanted a discussion over it and not an argument?

There’s a chance I could fly out with DSIL and DCs alone although I don’t really want to do this it would be better than losing the whole trip. I asked DH, seeing as he wants to ‘discuss’ it, to check with his manager first to try and get the time off. Now he’s dragging his heels saying he needs to wait for the right time to ask. In the meantime DSIL and family are booking flights and I really want to know sooner rather than later so I can book the same flight and so they can help out!

AIBU here?

OP posts:
shellyleppard · 21/01/2025 09:05

Common sense would have checked the holiday dates BEFORE booking......🤔🤔

User67556 · 21/01/2025 09:06

Have you booked it or not? Youve said you have paid a deposit but also havent booked flights?

you tell SIL to deal with your DH as he's said he can't get the Time off then leave them to it. What a dick your DH is. Sounds like he doesn't want to go.

MostlyHappyMummy · 21/01/2025 09:07

Seems like your husband wants a holiday at home without you and the kids
would you consider cancelling?

Original poster
Dish19 · 21/01/2025 09:09

Yes it’s booked and no we can’t cancel as it’s a villa and we would have to still pay our share. That’s why we’ve booked the accommodation but not the flights.

Yes common sense would check the dates first but I can hardly ring DHs manager and ask him!

OP posts:
Whatachliche · 21/01/2025 09:09

i'd drop the rope. this is a DH problem that he needs to solve with SIL.

ask him to decide what he wants to do - cancel or for you to go alone or for him to try to join. he needs to book any flights that needs booking. he needs to make all decisions about this holiday now, because he is putting you in a crazy-making situation, whatever you decide to do he can hold it against you.

Original poster
Dish19 · 21/01/2025 09:12

I want to go on the holiday as I’m close to DSIL, and it will be quite a bit of money that we lose if we don’t go.

OP posts:
Floranan · 21/01/2025 09:13

Sorry I would go ahead and book for me and the children I assume you get on well with SIL and her family ?, anyway book so you and the children can go, he can sort out his tickets when he know he can go, it might push him to check.

it does make me question though why he’s dragging his heels, is there a problem at work and he doesn’t want to rock to boat ?

Alabas · 21/01/2025 09:19

The doesn’t sound like a man who wants to go on holiday with his family. Is everything ok at home with you two?

Original poster
Dish19 · 21/01/2025 09:19

I’m not sure what’s going on at work tbh as he doesn’t usually need to worry about other people’s holiday dates, or it hasn’t been an issue before.

DH wants to drive not fly hence why I haven’t booked all our flights yet. But I agree I could just go ahead and do it.

OP posts:
MermaidMummy06 · 21/01/2025 09:21

DH has done the date thing countless times. Say it should be ok, but not confirming. I resorted to messaging or calling him at work & asking him to go speak to one of the managers NOW, before booking, or no one goes anywhere. He was just lazy about it. Now he either asks, or I refuse to book (I'd never trust him to book somewhere as he'd have us in a cheap back alley hotel a long way from the action).

I would go on my own if I were you. But be clear you'll be taking time away, alone, in the near future because you also deserve a child free holiday.

Pippa12 · 21/01/2025 09:24

My DH used to be like this, work work work every time I suggested something. One year, I didn’t make a fuss, I just said ‘ahh that’s sad you can’t make it love, I’m going to go with the kids and you join us if you can. End of conversation.

Funnily enough he came and he’s not behaved the same since!

SophiaSW1 · 21/01/2025 09:27

This is all his problem not years. I'd leave him to solve it.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 21/01/2025 09:35

@Dish19 what the hell does he need to discuss with the boss?? he should have put in the request for the holidays before it was booked or at the very latest, the day after it was booked! what kind of sap is he???

Duckingella · 21/01/2025 09:39

So basically he's been lazy and irresponsible and not booked time off before booking a holiday and he's now trying to DARVO you because he's fucked up.

He's an arsehole.

Twaddlepip · 21/01/2025 09:53

Duckingella · 21/01/2025 09:39

So basically he's been lazy and irresponsible and not booked time off before booking a holiday and he's now trying to DARVO you because he's fucked up.

He's an arsehole.

In a nutshell, yes.

Original poster
Dish19 · 21/01/2025 09:55

Can you think of anything about this scenario that might be my fault? He’s in a WhatsApp group where we discuss the dates so he did know them. I know he wanted a ‘discussion’ but I’m not sure what he thought we would discuss.

It will leave him with two extra weeks AL vs me and I won’t be able to afford another holiday this year so he’ll probably end up using his on a hobby trip.

OP posts:
SJM1988 · 21/01/2025 09:56

Common sense if you check the dates at work before booking anything that you wouldn't be able to cancel.
He is projecting this lack of planning to book the holiday with work on you....because he doesn't want to own up it was his fault.

Nina1013 · 21/01/2025 09:58

Dish19 · 21/01/2025 09:55

Can you think of anything about this scenario that might be my fault? He’s in a WhatsApp group where we discuss the dates so he did know them. I know he wanted a ‘discussion’ but I’m not sure what he thought we would discuss.

It will leave him with two extra weeks AL vs me and I won’t be able to afford another holiday this year so he’ll probably end up using his on a hobby trip.

Could this be his aim?

Branleuse · 21/01/2025 10:01

Tell him that its booked and hes got months to sort it out, but that you do expect him to sort it, considering he knew the dates and agreed them originally.

theressomanytinafeysicouldbe · 21/01/2025 10:08

Ask him to speak to his Manager, they may be able to sort something out for him, but sooner rather than later

KarmenPQZ · 21/01/2025 10:09

Dish19 · 21/01/2025 09:55

Can you think of anything about this scenario that might be my fault? He’s in a WhatsApp group where we discuss the dates so he did know them. I know he wanted a ‘discussion’ but I’m not sure what he thought we would discuss.

It will leave him with two extra weeks AL vs me and I won’t be able to afford another holiday this year so he’ll probably end up using his on a hobby trip.

Well I hope the kids enjoy his hobby then cos he’ll have to take them too to get you a week at home yourself!

if he wants to discuss it as you say then just ‘let’s put the last conversation behind us and discuss this the …. What are your thoughts’ and leave him to fill the gaps. What he’s really wanting is for you to propose a ‘fix’ so then he can delegate all responsibility to you and tell you not to complain because it was your solution when it goes badly. Do t give him this - let him work through the solution with his boss and his family…. Even if you go make it his choice.if he does come to the conclusion that you should go then ask ‘and that leaves you with 2 extra weeks. What do you propose you do with those’. Make him say it out loud.

Pottedpalm · 21/01/2025 10:11

User67556 · 21/01/2025 09:06

Have you booked it or not? Youve said you have paid a deposit but also havent booked flights?

you tell SIL to deal with your DH as he's said he can't get the Time off then leave them to it. What a dick your DH is. Sounds like he doesn't want to go.

Why should SIL deal with him??

graffittimonkey · 21/01/2025 10:12

How about putting a message in the WhatsApp group saying:

"Slight problem in that DH didn't think to book the dates off work yet and now may not be able to take them 🤦🏻‍♀️ He's going to ask his boss today and try to find a work-around, but it may be that I'm flying out with you guys so I can have some support with the kids 😉 and if he does get those days off then we'll be driving as per the original plan. Will confirm what's happening tonight when DH is back from work!"

Means everyone knows the situation and pushes DH to get it resolved sooner rather than later.

EauNeu · 21/01/2025 10:13

theressomanytinafeysicouldbe · 21/01/2025 10:08

Ask him to speak to his Manager, they may be able to sort something out for him, but sooner rather than later

You don't need to tell him how to sort it. He knows. No more than you need to n tell him to pull his trousers down before he sits on the loo. He's a grown man.

What you can do is let him know that you will be sad and upset if he can't do the planned holiday. Not emotional blackmail, just clearly setting out the likely consequences.

graffittimonkey · 21/01/2025 10:17

Oh and if you do end up going alone, make it damn clear to DH that he'll be spending his two weeks of annual leave caring for his DC, whether that means taking them to do his hobby or forgoing a hobby trip entirely.

This may be what he's trying to do - get a month off from being a Dad (two weeks when you're away and two weeks that he goes away without you).