I've got myself in a pickle for telling a lie

[mumspiration1997]

Ahh I've really got myself into a pickle.

A family member asked me the week before Christmas would I drop a gift into someone.

It would have taken me an hour and I genuinely was putting it off until I had time I even thought ill pop it in after Xmas (the recipient was on holidays so did not see the immediate rush)

I was transferred the £40 to buy the gift.

However when my family member asked me did I sent it in I said yes I did (and as I said fully intended to before the recipient returned home) and now someone (another family member) has checked for it while checking on the house and its not obviously there . I already said I dropped it off otherwise I could say ah it's still in my car.

Now they have just text saying.

"Hi tried to contact you. Either the gift wasn't there or it has been stolen I'd like to investigate this further. I'm down £40"

I'm so embarrassed! I didn't steal the money. Should I just say "I don't know what's happened I'm transferring you the money back" or fabricate some story about "Oh the neighbours cat took it"

I am NOT saying I didn't leave it in at this stage, I feel belittled enough.

Help!!!! I'll never fib again...but I'll also never take on anyone else's chores again!!!!!

Just sort it today and tell them what happened. One of the suggested messages here makes the most sense, about wanting them to know it was all in hand but realising you didn't want to leave it when they were away for so long, then forgetting.

The thing that makes the least sense and will have everybody else involved think you are forever a weirdo, is sending the money back with 'i don't know what's happened'. That's literally the most bizarre course if action at this point!

You haven't learned anything, have you OP?

This has all happened because of your lack of honesty. You agreed to the task because you couldn't be honest about not wanting to. You pretended you'd completed the task because you couldn't be honest about not having done it and planning to do it. And now you are not going to be honest about what has happened, when coming clean and an apology is by far the best course of action, especially as you still have time to get the case of wine and take it to the recipient on her arrival home.

Your dishonesty has got you into this mess, yet you want to continue being dishonest.

Do the decent thing, FFS.

Don't lie, tell them you had intended to do it in time and will happily do it now or you can send the money back so they can do it themself. No further explanation needed. It was an unreasonable request (Yes, asking someone to buy a gift and drive an hour to drop it off at Christmas time is unreasonable especially when the recipient isn't there) and you are quite within your right to flop him off. If they don't like it, they can ask someone else next time.

I was thinking of saying ... Perhaps the cleaner set put of the way in order to do the floors or something.

Don't you bloody dare try to implicate someone else in your dishonesty, someone whose livelihood you might damage! Wtf is wrong with you!

Own up, say you couldn't be arsed doing it right away, and that you lied when asked about it to avoid looking bad.

The sooner your family and friends know that you aren't reliable and can't be trusted, the better for everyone.

Dont tell more lies. If you say "I dont know what happened" they might try and involve other people (like the poor cleaner, who might end up getting the blame, or the neighbours)

Be honest. Apologise and explain pretty much what you said here. Say they caught you off gaurd so you lied but will either drop the gift round today or transfer them the money back.

I wouldnt believe all of the suggestions of "I thought I'd dropped it off and found it in my car..." Surely you would remember driving to someone's house? You couldnt just think you had done that!

Telling more lies will dig you deeper in the hole... You've had the money for nearly a month now. Come clean and dont agree to do favours that you arent going to do as asked again.

It's been a month, so yes the upshot of not buying the gift means you did just steal the money. This time, return the money and apologise that you forgot to get around to it. Next time just say no to favours.

IMHO that’d make matters much worse.

Buy the gift and absolutely make sure it’s there when the person it’s for returns home. That’s what would have happened if you’d bought and dropped off the gift at the time, which you agree to do. You’ll have kept your end of the agreement. And won’t have let the buyer down further. You’ll be honourable.

You don’t need to give an explanation (with lies) to the buyer then. Because the gift will be there when the person it’s for got home. As intended. Everything in between is pretty irrelevant if the end result is the same. Though I expect you caused worry.

If you wish you hadn’t agreed to do it, work on being more assertive in future. Ask yourself why you can’t say no to something you don’t want to do, then you don’t do it which is unreliable. Better to say no. And why you then want to lie, rather than be honest. People who struggle to be assertive can also lie. Learn to speak honestly.

The six hardest words in the English language to say are:
I admit I made a mistake.
I don’t know why you can’t buy the gift, deliver it and apologise to both people.
The benefit of this is they’ll surely never ask you for another favor again. Ever.

Fgs just tell them the truth. It's an hour away and they wouldn't have been there anyway so your plan was to meet them and take it with you. All this trying to come up with an excuse is bonkers. What happens if they ask for a receipt or proof you bought it. It was cheeky of them to ask you but you could have said no. Transferring the money back makes it look even worse.

Do not transfer the money back unless you want to look like a thief.
just say that you are sorry and that the gift is still in the boot of your car. Take it round asap and buy a bunch of flowers for the person who now knows you are dishonest.

It’s nearly 4 weeks since Christmas so why haven’t you sorted it before now? As soon as you told the first lie, that should have prompted you to get the gift and drop it off straight away. The only thing you can do now is buy the gift TODAY, and either drop it round now if the recipient is still on holiday, or tell the purchaser you have just found it in your car boot (which is hard to believe after 4 weeks). Were you meant to wrap the gift, or just leave it in its packaging? If it’s the latter, it’s just about plausible you still have it in your boot, less plausible if it’s meant to be covered in Christmas wrapping paper.

Whatever you do you need to sort today or you will look like a liar and a thief… And don’t agree to do something like that again unless you are 100% certain you can do what you’ve promised.

Totally agree. Outrageous to suggest blaming a cleaner or anyone else. Suggests a sneaky, deceitful mindset. It DOES sound like the OP pocketed the money tbh. She’s had A MONTH to sort this. If I was the gift-giver, I would be fuming that she didn’t do it, even more fuming that she has lied twice about it and would definitely think she’s a thief.

Now 2 different family members suspect she has lied and they will probably tell others. Who can blame them?

I’m not judging! Been in pickles like this too. But as a thought experiment try telling the truth, out loud, just to the bathroom mirror. Owning your truth is very powerful.

And whatever you decide to do, take some time to reflect on it. I have adhd and I’ve spent the last year recognising situations like these where I stretch myself too thin trying to meet some imaginary (normal people can do this) standard instead of respecting my own limits.

Imagine yourself saying “no I haven’t delivered your gift yet. I’m run ragged” instead of feeling compelled (by shame? guilt?) to fib. Or saying “no I won’t be able to take that on. I’ve too much on this week” and not feeling diminished by saying that. More mirror talking!

What I’m trying to say is that lying is a reflex, that either indicates a self esteem issue or a relationship that involves emotional abuse. So don’t beat up on yourself for telling the fib, but do think about underlies it.

No @mumspiration1997 don't do this!!
They’re not going to just think “oh dear somebody nicked it” and leave it there!

They’re going to think “Jesus Christ we’ve had burglars” and ask you exactly where you left the gift, panic how the burglars got in and out without any obvious sign of entry, maybe change the locks or suspect a family member / cleaner … this lie could get huge!!!

Just say “Oh I’m sorry I have bought it but not dropped it round yet, I was waiting until they get back. I misread your first text in a rush, sorry!”

OR, you could blame a 3rd party who’s in on this (eg DP)

”Sorry I gave it to Dave to drop round, thought he’d done it, but just asked him and he’s left it in his car boot”.

OR you could just say: “I’m sorry, I was fully intending to drop it round the day you texted me so I said it was done, but then X happened and I forgot. I’ve just dropped it off now.”

That looks like you stole it, have been caught out, and have returned the money.

Just say the truth, that you didn’t want to admit you hadn’t done it yet, but realise now you shouldn’t have lied.

Don't do that!

Don't do that either 😆.

Just say its still in your car as you forgot and felt really silly so lied about delivering it.

Fuck me op. Stop lying and get a grip!!!!

So you're now going to say you put the gift in the house but it must have disappeared - not only they but you're going to transfer back the money, meaning now, you're risking the cleaner etc being accused of stealing, the house owner thinking they've had a break In or whatever.

Not only that - if your bullshit response was true and you had actually delivered it but it was taken, why on earth would you then transfer the money back and be down 40 quid for something that isn't your fault?????

Nope op I'm sorry but you are going to look like a compulsive liar and possibly a thief as well, UNLESS you tell the fucking truth now and stop this mess getting worse.

Buy the gift and take it around. Next time say no when asked....you're not bloody Amazon

I've not read the whole thread . I've just read OP's posts.
Tbh I can't stand lies and I find it extremely telling that OP is just interested in getting out of the hole she has dug for herself without people sussing she is dishonest and unreliable.
Telling the lie in the first place was bad enough but not having the backbone to come clean is really poor.

I'd do with

You have bought it but as you were going over this date in January before she returned you didn't see any point going twice (as it's 2 hour round trip) but felt guilty when she texted so said you had done it already. Sorry for the confusion.

So you are admitting you lied but giving a good reason. Of course make sure you have purchased the gift before sending that!

On the upside, they probably won't ask you to do this again, so there's that.
Silver lining. 😉

be a grown up.
Explain that you said you had with the intention of doing it right away, and that you forgot and you will do it now.

And then don't tell stupid lies for an easy life?

Stop. It.

Just tell the truth.

Do you have form for stupid lies? It is utterly shitty for those around you (we're not talking about the little white lies that grease society like "yes, this cake is fine" it is a stupid lie to make your life more comfortable.)

Just learn not to tell stupid lies.