To wonder why it feels like we have no money?

[Wheredoesitgo]

DH and I earn well between us. We aren’t mega wealthy or even close but we should be very comfortable and I just feel like we aren’t.

I just feel like we have no money? DH is self employed and had a tough few months last year and the tax return coming up isn’t helping but even month to month my earnings just seem to disappear with not a lot to show for it…

Would love to go away (2 primary school aged DC) but a week in Spain in July (just before school holidays by a few days to try and reduce the pride a bit!) is coming in at around £1100 plus each for a week AI (we spend less this way with the kids than self catering usually as they are fussy). They need spring/summer wardrobes but feel like I can’t really buy new and can only afford bundles on Vinted which I never find exactly what I want.

I dread the food shop as there’s just no way to get it cheaper.

I’d love some new boots but can’t justify the cost.

As I said we earn quite well so it just seems crazy to me that things feel so tight - anyone else in the same boat?!

Presume OP is taxed at 40% though, so that’s 4k gone already…..

It sucks, but sadly this is the reality 😕

@Strictlymad darwin escapes looks great thanks for recommendation!

We went just before Xmas and it was amazing, hot tub, fab facilities and spent 200 quid on the week - we will deffo go back

Hi OP,

We earn as a household a great deal less than you but are in the same position. The COL is hitting all of us, I think.

Ten years ago, our current wages would have been really good for us, but every year, things have got harder and harder.

Whether it's 30k or 130k, we're all having to make cutbacks to our current lifestyles. Things we could have had a few years ago we no longer can.

Recently, I've been going through our direct debits, renewals, etc. to try and shave off some pounds, but when I manage to make a small saving on something, something else goes up.

Just as an example, I might make a £12 a month saving on a car ins renewal, but then the council tax goes up £20. So, I'm still worse off by another £8.

And I'm running out of things to cut back on. DH and I already cancelled all subscriptions and didn't renew or replace our phones - went with £5 sim only, etc.

No more swimming lessons for DS.

That stopped when the pet insurance for our much loved cat went up.

So, I totally get it, OP. And it's shit.

The quote from another PP about the mega wealthy making us all poorer has got it.

And I do in some ways dispute a PP who says that we what expect is far greater now, eg. New home decor, meals out, holidays, new phones, etc.

We don't pay out for any of that stuff. We just can't afford to anymore. All stopped a few years ago.

@verycloakanddaggers

Actually if you have no mortgage or live in a council property then you are not going to be taking any financial hit on housing costs

either way the cost of living sucks right now and I sympathise massively with the op

You earn a lot (compared to me) but factoring in your large mortgage, child maintenance, student loans etc your outgoings are disproportionate to your income. All of these things are essential expenditure and proportionate to the area you live in.

I have an income of around 40k, but my mortgage is paid, low council tax, small 2 bed property I downsized to 10 yrs ago after my divorce. Live on the South Coast.

I'm nearly 60 and thankful I don't have enormous outgoings. It was always a priority for me not to over extend myself and pay it off as quickly as possible forsaking luxuries to do so.

I've never leased a car, always bought Japanese second hand for cash. Reliability is key for me.

I'm sure once you have fine combed your income and expenditure you can make some savings but yes stuff has gone up enormously. DH needs his eyes opening about the car lease !

That's a very old mindset - a three year old car or even a ten year old car today has nowhere near the issues a car that age had say 25 years ago

The worst bit is? I have to warn you OP since interest rates increased the monthly car leasing deals have gone through the ROOF.
I'm guessing you signed up to the £400 a month deal 3-4 years ago as now for any sort of posh brand reasonably sized car its more like 6-700 a month. So you may get a shock if the deal is coming up to renew any time soon!

Cost of living has gone up massively

but I am really amazed by how much young parents spend on entertainment for the kids. I feel a bit mean now, but half term was spent at home, or with friends, maybe going to stay with the cousins over the summer, weekends were wet walks or wet playgrounds 😁, or free/cheap activities at parks. Going to the library, choosing 3 books each. Going to visit granny and bake biscuits. That sort of stuff. Going to a charity shop with £2 each to buy the most ridiculous present for eachother, building dens from sofa cushions, watching tv/gaming, and bloody board games. God I feel ancient now, but I don’t think people live like this anymore now, they have higher expectations? I’m 50s so probably completely out of touch

now I don’t go into town during half term or weekends as it is heaving with families, Costa is full of kids sipping £5 drinks and £3 cookies, all the restaurants are full… everyone going on AI holidays it seems

it Must be nice but I always wonder how people afford it..

i often used to think we are very lucky financially, but we never earned even half of what you guys earn, and never been on an AI holiday, never bought a new car, never been to Disney etc

i think basically things are more expensive now, but also expectations have gone up like @That70sHouse said

@Wheredoesitgo without having to budget, it's the casual spends that shock me. We never, ever have a takeaway - it isn't great food, you still have washing up and it costs a bomb for what it is imo.

There's a carvery down the road. I think it's 8.99 pp for a couple of slices of meat (not great meat), veg, yorkies, roasties, gravy, sauces, etc. If there are 4 of us that's £36.00, plus a tip.

I would rather go to a Michelin starred restaurant once a flood than spend money in carveries or high street restaurants regularly. Why pay more for meals I can cook better at home?

I can buy a loin of pork for £16, leg of lamb for £25, large organic chicken for £12.50. Everything on the table is better quality and throw in £7 tops on veg and I can rustle up a pudding for very little: Eve's pudding, strawberries and ice-cream, pavlova, etc., and have change.

I could easily spend a tenner a day on a coffee and bought lunch. I don't I take a packed lunch and a flask. Similarly when the dc were little we took a packed lunch and our own drinks and they had an ice-cream for their treat on days out.

I buy an 18 month old to two year old car every eight years or so £80,000ish miles. I tuck £300 pcm into a car account. It pays my insurance and servicing and provides the money for a "new" one, when the old one's done.

While your dc are little, what's wrong with a self catering cottage in the UK? The North is cheaper than Cornwall - have a look at Northumberland, or take them camping in France.

I don't remember buying my DC new spring/summer wardrobes. They always had stuff from the year before that they had grown into and scruffs from the year before that they could squeeze into. I topped up what was needed annually but rarely more than a couple of frocks, two t shirts and a pair of shorts/skirt for dd - lots of bits from Asda and the odd nice bit.

Take them out of school for a few days and go out of term time

So, do you use the McDonalds App & hacks available to bring costs down?

Take your own drinks / snacks etc to Trampoline park (or have at home).

Was there food left from your Indian takeaway - if so, what did you do with it?

Don't have a carvery out on a Sunday (dearest prices). Go out for lunches rather than dinners. Do you collect your takeaways or have them delivered (former is usually cheaper)?

Sweets after school, where are they purchased?

Where do you do your food shop? All in one place? Do you use the supermarkets apps / loyalty schemes? Do you just buy what you want & when or buy it only when on offer?

These things alone can save a ton of money (and still allow you to do the same stuff).

Re holidays - there are experienced folk on MSE and Hotukdeals who can suggest amazing deals!

When can you get back onto a lower rate mortgage? Have you looked for better deal?

Two separate issues I think- one is that yes you of course absolutely can save money and everyone has lots of suggestions for how to do that.

Second is you feel poorer than you should be and is that reasonable? Absolutely yes, living standards are dropping in the UK and your money doesn't go as far as it once did and not as far as your parents did or even your grandparents. The cost of housing is the major factor in that but we should all be asking ourselves why normal working people are all getting poorer whether they are the very lowest income or on what should be good incomes while the very rich are getting richer everyday,

Silly discussions about whether you should be paying for a car or whether £500 is too much for shopping for four people just distract from the massive structural inequality that is making you feel poorer, making even poorer people go hungry and decimating public services, Until we realise the power we have to address those structural inequalities if we band together and stop the infighting we will continue to feel good because we got a bargain in Aldi, ignoring the real issues.

I think, particularly if you come from a working class background, that you tend to assume 6 figures means you’re ‘rich’ (relatively) and therefore stop monitoring it that closely. It’s really easy to waste money that way. While it’s definitely very comfortable, it’s no longer at the level where you can spend regularly on the luxuries and not have to think about budgets. Look at all your regular spending and work out how much free money you have at the end of each month. It’s probably way less than you think.

Your expenses are high. I had a friend who's combined income was similar and she would rage at not being able to afford a holiday but was massively deluded and where she spent her money. Your mortgage us high but you live in the South so house prices are unfortunate. I appreciate there is not much you can do about that. She would buy groceries at more expensive supermarkets, buy the most expensice prepackaged food she could afford, only used higher end cosmetics, they ran 2 fancy cars, she always bought her lunch and several coffees each throughout the week. Neither looked for deals or offers because they felt their salaries meant they didn't need to. When shopping to get some boots she wasn't nipping to New Look but higher end places. That is of course absolutely fine but with rising costs if you don't make changes anywhere you will see that your combined wage doesn't get you all the luxuries you would like.

I appreciate you cant move house but you do need to look at where you can save money and the only way for you to both do that is by being as honest as possible.

Bless your heart, two pairs of jeans is not extravagant by any means, and you needed them, so not your fault at all! I hope your financial situation improves 🤞

I totally feel this OP. DH and I have OK incomes, not a fortune but decent enough. We budget for all our bills and save £200 a month between us which goes towards Christmas and holiday. Didn’t go away last year, we have a week in UK at Easter booked. Haven’t been abroad for years.
we should be mortgage free now but we messed up financially many years ago - a long series of financial mistakes and redundancy, job changes, DH went self employed for a while which was a disaster.

Our mortgage is quite high but we have it over a shorter term. I have a leased car. We have 2 teens at home who we support as 1 at uni and 1 doing A levels.

Our expenditure means we have little left, we don’t buy takeaways or costa.

Food costs have increased a lot and cost of living generally.

However I need to make some better choices - seriously considering a second hand car when my lease is up, there are definitely savings I can make.

@Wheredoesitgo Between us, around £130k as an estimate. Self employment skews this a little, so some months more some less. Overall, if contracting is going well it should be closer to £160k ish but DH had a rubbish few months last year.

Seriously? "We aren't mega wealthy," but clearly you are a wealthy household. If you can't get by on that whopping household income, then this is financial incompetence.

We only have one car as a family to save costs, but it is £400 a month on lease!

Why are you leasing a huge car for £400 a month?

Go out and look for a cheap, but reliable, second hand car around the £10k mark. You will also find that the insurance and running costs will be a lot cheaper too.

I earn a fraction of your household income, which is why I've never leased a car. Car leasing is how greedy car manufacturers bleed money from mugs.

Holiday Tips
When our DC were primary aged, we took our main holiday at May half term due to cost. Southern Europe is 25+ hot by then and you get more bang for your buck as well as less crowds. I paid for luxury accomodation that I would not have in peak summer. Relatively cheap flights can be had usually if you book them early enough. Normally, the previous autumn - usually released early/mid Sept so you learn to be more organised for the following year. If you haven't decided, you need to be flexible and search for destinations where the flights are still relatively cheap and work from there. Obviously, this only works if you like holiday planning and DIYing.

As to the rest, my DC visited a lot of NT places and all the surrounding country parks/playgrounds within an hour's driving distance. When you buy them expensive bikes and scooters, we made sure we used them. After swimming was noodle night - ramen/udon with whatever leftover meat/veg I had in the fridge. Quick & easy.

On £45k each you'd have a take home pay of about £5,700 combined per month, after tax, NI, student loans and 10% pension? Plus nearly £5,000 a year in child benefit?

Most seem to mortgage themselves up to the eyeballs and don't allow for a change in circumstances.

Many have no option because housing is so expensive & a mortgage is often still cheaper & more secure than renting...

Fritter away less and you'll be able to afford your overpriced AI holidays AND Tarquin and Arabella's mandarin lessons. You don't have a problem here.

So shortsighted & bitter. Wage stagnation & inflation isn't just a problem for those on minimum wage. Think about the bigger photo!

With regards to holidays, go in February half term or over Easter - so much cheaper, less crowded, weather still lovely.