Pushed DS out of bed

[Bahhumbug25]

Hi

DS7 was struggling to get out of bed this morning, as per usual. I wasn’t there so don’t know what happened initially, but I know DH doesn’t take the gentle wake up approach.

I hear crying and find DS7 on the floor next to the bed.

DH says he pushed DS7 out of bed as he kicked him.

DS7 says DH punched him off. I would be surprised if it was a punch but I suspect it was a hard push in the back, as DH would have been angry about the kick.

AIBU to be angry? I hate physical / angry reactions. If DH can’t handle it he should walk away.

This is abuse OP.

Your poor son.

So he pushed a 7yr old out of a bed, and the child was crying as a result.

No YANBU. You could report him for assault. This is intentionally hurting a child "because he kicked him".

What a dick

You ask if you should be angry about your seven year old being punched or pushed by his father? Of course you should be angry! I’d be absolutely fuming.

You should be more than angry, you should be going nuclear!

no man, husband or not pushes or punches, (whatever it was) my child and gets away with it. I’d be reporting him to the police.

your son will never forget that

Is DH usually gentle? Is DS usually a dick?? I mean I sometimes prod DS if he's being annoying. But this sounds not that?

Yeah I agree with the other comments, I grew up in violent and abusive household and it only gets worse. I’d be speaking to the police and getting legal advice.

So sorry you’re going through this, you have to be the strong one to protect your DC 💐

Oh that was awful to read, your poor son. Are you going to call the police? It's scary but you must report it to protect him. It will escalate and your child will end up severely injured, emotionally traumatised or even dead. You need to act now.

The son should not be kicking the Dad. Surely.

Fucking hell OP. Your son told you his dad punched him in the back. It obviously felt like that to him and must have hurt him. What an absolute cunt -I certainly wouldn't be labelling him a "DH".

He should not have retaliated, but your 7yo needs significant punishment for kicking. People do react to physical violence. If he kicked a kid at school he may well find himself with a punch in the face.

You say your DH isn't gentle but what are you both doing to combat this morning behaviour? Because if you're coddling him going oh its horrible getting up baby here hold your arm out and I'll dress you and your DH is like right it's morning get up or you'll have a glass of water chucked over you it's never going to end well.

DH needs riot act for violence. You both need to get your asses together and read riot act to child on kicking. DH shouldn't have retaliated and should apologise for that but the initial kick is not acceptable and here are the punishments for that. Joint approach going forward. Consistency.

Sorry, what, how is that what you took from this post? I hope you aren’t responsible for anyone’s safeguarding, that’s a very worrying thing to respond with.

Sure. But as the adult the correct response is to chastise them, not to push them so hard it feels like a punch and throws them out of bed.

This is abuse and will get worse as he ages 😢

So- 7 year old won’t get out of bed and kicks his dad?
dad then pushes or punches hard enough to knock child out of bed onto floor?

I mean, @Bahhumbug25 you’ve got issues there with both your son and your husband. Neither is really in the right are they? A 7 year old should know better than to kick out, and an adult should not be pushing with enough force to knock them out of bed.

I bet this isn't the first time he's been violent is it? It isn't a surprise that your son kicked him when he has an aggressive dad.

I would be going nuclear and I would guess that this is not the first time your son has experienced this behaviour whether you’ve been aware of it or not. I wouldn’t be able to trust that my son was safe in his care.

there is a middle ground approach of “if you don’t get up you won’t have time to do x before we need to leave” or “if you aren’t prepared to get up you won’t be allowed to do y”

it could also be useful for your son to have an alarm that goes off a bit before he needs to be woken up so he’s already half awake when your asking him to get up.

Seriously?

A 7 yo acts like a 7 yo and a grown-up man assaults him. And they are both bad? WTAF?

OP, best case scenario your DH pushed a 7 yo onto the floor after being kicked. Best case. Worst case your DH punched your child because he was angry. I'd be very worried and considering my next move. Poor boy.

i don't know op, did he leave any marks?

my brother was notorious for "saving his tears", until someone came around to make something small seem bigger.

it could be DH pushed him in a "get up now" push and DS dramatically rolled to the floor for maximum drama Or DH pushed him hard and he dropped from the bed.

it truly depends on DS personality and how you know your DH to be. is DS often physically aggressive or is this a one off?

Yea no one is saying it's okay for 7yo to kick.

But grown adults should not be assaulting children.

You don't teach children hitting/kicking/violence is wrong by punching them!

I agree. There fact the OP doesn't seem remotely surprised that her husband shoved their kid hard enough for him to fall out of bed speaks volumes. Abuse doesn't have to be closed fists hitting. It can be shoving, dragging, pinching, manhandling...

I’m going to go against the grain here. In isolation this doesn’t sound that bad. Not ideal. But not that bad. If he kicked your DH hard a knee jerk reaction could have easily been to push him away - what if he was at the edge of the bed?

Id have a debrief and figure out what went wrong but I’d want to understand what actually went on before condemning DH as a child abuser.

Some of these replies basically blaming the child are worrying...it's a real concern attitudes like that still exist and probably the reason children are not being protected as they should in some instances....people sadly turn a blind eye to abuse because the child's behaviour is challenging and put the blame on them rather than the parents.

But guess what....they learn that behaviour from somewhere!
Or they are lashing out because they feel frightened....

I doubt the kick was anything significant if it was done by a child lying in bed with no shoes on.And even if it was, a grown adult pushing a child off a bed onto the floor in anger is never acceptable..

Surely you know that OP! Stop minimising this and protect your son.Is husband abusive to you too?

Was your son hurt as in visible bruising/mark? Did you hear a very loud bang as he hit the floor? You haven’t mentioned you did in the OP so I would say your husband did not punch your son out of bed on the grounds that he would have seriously injured him if he did.
Why is your son kicking his dad? From what you have said I would say it is more likely that your son kicked his dad, his dad reacted/moved and your son fell out of bed. If a full grown man punched a small child there would be physical injuries that you would see and your son wouldn’t have ended right next to his bed he would have flown across the room. I don’t condone violence but it’s clear to me from what you have described that your child was not punched by an adult.

All of this.

If I refused to get out the bed I'd have had the duvet pulled off first. If I'd dared kick a parent they would have picked up the edge of the mattress and upended me onto the floor and grounded me. Staying in bed wasn't an option. Literally would have been dragged out by my ankle if needed.