The brainlessness of an English Tutor. Fuming

[crazymomma93]

Long time lurker, please bear with me.
My DD12 has been having some issues with her reading book. It has been making her feel uncomfortable, from the Genre and style of writing. So I have looked into it, got a jist of the book, she has pointed out some bits that made her uneasy and I looked up the age rating which was 14+. Now typically if you knew me, you would know I am not "that Mom" but I emailed her Form Tutor to ask if there was an alternative. Tutor emailed back after talking to English dept and DD dosn't need to read the book any longer, she can bring in her own. No problem. My DD has just told me she spoke with her own English Tutor, the day before I sent the email to tell her Form Tutor. After listening to DD, English Tutor responds "it's just words"
ITS JUST WORDS? Sorry is that not pretty much the Tutors whole career, teaching English?
I need calming because I am close to emailing said teacher calling her a c**t, because, you know "it's just words". See how her feelings are when she reads something that makes her uncomfortable.
My DD turned to her to ask because the book was making her uneasy and that is the response. What about children who get verbally bullied? Where is this Womans morals. AIBU?

Suggest you read the book along with her and discuss & support her through the uncomfortable parts. Open dialogue.

This is parenting, supporting your child with learning how to cope in this big unpredictable world.

I wrote a reply with an example from a book, but it got deleted, so apparently it was too bad to even say on the internet in a forum of adults, let alone in a book where children might read it.

So the short version is, yes books have age ratings.

Learning to cope with feeling uncomfortable is one of the key reasons to read. We all need to feel uncomfortable with the way of the world at some point. Age 12 is the ‘put your head above the parapet and look around you’ stage for the large majority of children.

Maybe your daughter has conveyed a small part of the teacher's really lovely conversation with her, allaying her anxiety and calming her response to this book, and she has ended with the summary, "It's just words." And it may have been said extremely kindly because she may have given the teacher the impression - rightly or wrongly - that she was disappointed in herself for leaving a book unread. So she's tried to minimise it because all books, really, are words in a different order to convey emotion. She just wasn't ready for that particular emotion at this particular time in her life.

You are being extremely unreasonable. Kids never give the true and full account. Maybe because it's ceased to matter to them and here you are....

Another one wanting to know what the book is!

We need the book title to know if you're being a ninny or not

I don't know why you are all shocked it was deleted. There was no need for that level of detail and I still feel like I need to rinse my brain in soap half an hour after reading it. Just totally unnecessary thing to drop it a thread. You could have easily made your point without being so grimly graphic

We’re never going to know what the book was, are we?

@viques you don't think fictional stories are a good way of portraying historical events to children?

You are massively massively overreacting. Your daughter will grow up as precious as you if you carry on like this.
You asked if she could read a different book and were told she could.
You cannot expect absolutely no pushback about this as ALL the other kids in the class are managing ti read that book. Clearly it's on the curriculum. If it were genuinely distressing your daughter it's valid to ask if she can read something else.. but you can't seriously think that's normal at the age of 12? That there wouldn't be any attempt to convince her to try and persevere with it?? What the teacher said was really mild. It IS just words. Words can sometimes upset you however they are just words and we can choose how we respond. Education may make you uncomfortable at points and if possible that needs to be worked through.. she's going to be learning about things like, slavery, the holocaust, how we die, the vastness of space, climate change, exploitation etc etc Of course there will be a bit of mild pressure to try and work through things. How will she learn like her peers if she just gets to not take part the minute she feels uncomfortable?

I don't think you're helping your daughter by encouraging her to not read the book. We don't have to avoid topics which make us uncomfortable. Research shows that doing so, usually causes more harm than good. That is, people become increasingly upset about the issues they are avoiding, rather than less.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/parenting-translator/202307/do-trigger-warnings-do-more-harm-than-good%3famp

I heard a podcast that suggested some people who avoid certain topics, for example, can start to incorporate that dislike into part of their personality, or a defining characteristics of themselves.

If it's a book that both school and tutor are aware of, have possibly set for study in the first place, it cannot possibly be that bad.

The 'it's only words' comment from the tutor is a bit unprofessional, but the OPs proposed reaction is completely OTT and unpleasantly aggressive.

They don't, they're just recommendations. I did have a teacher tell me I couldn't take a certain book when I was around 12 though. It didn't change anything because I could still get them independently elsewhere.

About a book? You’re scrubbing and fretting because someone described the content of a book? What the heck was it?

@madamweb I really wana know what it was now

Haha glad someone else got the point.

The point being, if they're 'just words', then the teacher won't be offended at someone using foul language at them, because after all 'cunt' is just a word.

Sorry busy household, I will read and catch up later when the children are in bed. The book is Eve of Man, based loosley on Handmaids tail. The first born girl in 50 years, quite seductive in text.
I am very much a get on with it type of Mom, "Crazy" my username in the sense of I will take them camping in December.
Also I would never dream of calling a teacher that, It ment it as an expression of "it's just words".

For fuck sake

It could be a lazy response, or it could be a kindness, as @Askingforadvice78 suggested. The form tutor has already suggested a workable solution, so I wouldn't spend any more time thinking or worrying about it.

Can you please repeat the name of the book without the excerpt, please?

I’m intrigued

We also had one about the aftermath of a nuclear war. Even had a rape in it. I think it might have been Farenheit 451 or something.

As in the Tom Fletcher and Giovanna Fletcher book?

I'm getting flashbacks of getting in trouble in the 80s for passing my mum's copy of Hollywood Wives around the class.

I need calming because I am close to emailing said teacher calling her a ct, because, you know "it's just words". See how her feelings are when she reads something that makes her uncomfortable.

Fucking hell, easy tiger 😂 this is a bit of an overreaction.

Trust me, you don't want to know