To think premature birth doesn’t compare to the annoying late stages of pregnancy

[Baloo592]

I had my baby very prematurely - it was traumatic, as these things are, involving immediate separation for the baby to go to NICU, over a month hospital stay and tube feeding, oxygen etc etc. I was also unwell. People who know how early my baby came quite often say a version of “the late stages of pregnancy are pretty horrible though and you got to skip that”. The implication being that I’m …what, lucky (?!) that my baby arrived a couple of months early. The more I hear this, the more it enrages me. I’m sure the late stages of pregnancy are a pain (I may never know at this rate) but, surely, there is just no comparison to the trauma of being immediately separated from your baby and that separation continuing for over a month and seeing your baby unwell. I’m not sure if people aren’t sure what to say, or they think they need to come up with a weird positive OR they just have absolutely no idea what having a very premature baby entails so they think it’s an apt comparison. Anyway I heard it again recently and it’s still annoying me so:

YABU - people are uncomfortable and trying to think of something to say when they say you’re fortunate for skipping the end stages of pregnancy

YANBU - the annoyances of late stage pregnancy are not an apt comparison to the trauma of giving birth very prematurely

As well as what people have said about people just not knowing what to say, I think it's also that a lot of people have a bit of a skewed view of prematurity and don't understand how serious it is. There's so much talk of 'miracle babies' born at 24 weeks etc in the media, which always end very happily, that I think people don't realise how often it doesn't and also start to think that, for instance, 32 weeks isn't so premature. They don't know how every week makes a difference before term and so while giving birth at 38 weeks might be a bit enviable, that doesn't mean 35 is.

@Baloo592 I've only read your thread title which was quite enough to lead me to say thank your lucky stars congratulations and all that.
I as many people have had a neonatal death.
Just get over yourself. Millions and millions of women have had less success than you.
Get a grip.

@MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned Yes, I agree that people simply don't know what the possible consequences of having a premature child are and just have heard of the miracle stories - I had no idea myself until I had a 26 weeker.

Yeah it's not comparable at all, I've had 4 babies, all of them overdue and 3 of them were over 10lb so not easy towards the end but I'd go through that time and again rather than my baby be in NICu so you are not unreasonable at all. Daft comparison for people to make

I think people not appreciating the health challenges of being born premature is another factor here.

Yeah this is awful.

Plenty of people love pregnancy at all stages. I certainly did and was gutted to have to be induced at 38wk! I wanted to go on forever. You went through a really traumatic time and it's insane that anyone would suggest that is preferable, with the accompanying health risks for your baby, to a few extra weeks of getting bigger. I'm sorry.

The late stages of pregnancy were fine for me. My bump felt tight, but that was it really.
However, I was scared my baby would be born prematurely as I’m an older mum (I was 48), I can imagine you were terrified.
the discomfort of the later stages of pregnancy (for some) just doesn’t compare to the gravity of experiencing a premature birth. There can also be lasting repercussions and complications for both baby and mother, therefore, I was v relieved when my baby was born at full term.
I hope you and your baby are doing well now.

People have form for making idiotic comments op but I've learnt they largely don't intend to be hurtful.
I had the comments about "at least you didn't have to do the end of pregnancy" (35 week delivery), "at least you got sleep" (13 weeks in hospital), omg what wrong with him (he had an Ng tube and O2 on), etc.

I've been on the bus with my twins where women have loudly discussed how they'd have hated to have twins and how they'd have killed themselves, all said hilariously 😔.

It isn't comparable in the slightest. I got to 36 weeks with twins who were nearly 7lb each, so I'd consider that as at least equivalent to a full term pregnancy. I'd take that every day over seeing my tiny baby covered in wires in a plastic box and not holding him for nearly 2 weeks

Still thinking of that disgusting comment nearly a week later. Dealing with 4 different hospitals at the moment to try and sort out all the health issues my prem baby is fighting at the moment. There are no silver linings. Id have changed a thousand nappies to have avoided seeing my baby so tiny and poorly. @diveintoyou has it absolutely right- abhorrent.