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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My daughter's dogs are driving me to distraction - AIBU?

54 replies

Knackerednow2019 · 19/01/2025 16:30

My daughter lives nearby and she has three dogs, which she keeps in a one bedroom flat. In the past these dogs have habitually weed and pooed everywhere, but recently she has gotten better at clearing up in her own place, and in taking them out (she has mental health problems so in part these are support dogs).

The problem is that I can't stand it when she brings them over. Don't shoot me, it's not their fault I know, but they are not well trained. I don't like them being all over the furniture and the puppy chews things. One of them is a new puppy and last time they came over I was cooking and cleaning up after her and her boyfriend and the puppy weed on the carpet twice. Iv'e just moved to a new flat and I am trying to keep it nice. She rolls her eyes when I complain - nicely - and she watches me clean it up while she flaps around with a piece of kitchen towel and laughs.

I ask her to keep an eye on the dog when she is there but she forgets. She says if I have a crate at mine that will be easier, but I don't want to keep a crate as I have limited space (it's very difficult to be boundaried with her historically and I've had years and years dealing with this).

NB she lives a 20 minute bus ride away so I think she could leave them at home when she visits.

In my heart I would love to be open and relaxed and chilled about mess, but after years of clearing up for people I have honestly done with this. My own mental health suffers when I'm constantly watching out for dog mess, wondering if it's been cleared up etc. I am up and down all the time following these dogs around and watching out for mess.

She thinks I am being unreasonable because these are like her babies. Lots of times I have puppy and dog sat and paid for her dog sitting but I don't want to be responsible for any of this anymore.

Tell me what you think please. And please don't criticise me for not wanting the dogs - it's my choice not to have a pet. I am nothing but kind to them.

OP posts:
ScaredOfDinosaurs · 19/01/2025 16:32

Stop letting the dogs in your house! That's disgusting.

She needs to train them, if she can't then she isnt a fit owner.

bevelino · 19/01/2025 16:32

Don’t let your dd bring the dogs over, just say no and mean it.

JudgeBread · 19/01/2025 16:34

Neglect is abuse. If she's not training them, enriching their minds or taking them out enough that they're not pissing and shitting everywhere, she's neglecting them, ergo she's an abusive dog owner and shouldn't have dogs at all.

Jack all you can do about it mind because no one gives a shit about dogs living in filth, but God help any babies she does have if she can't even manage to look after a dog.

Stop letting her bring them over and be blunt about why. Poor dogs living like that.

Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 19/01/2025 16:34

Make a point of only meeting her outdoors. Tell her your house is beginning to smell. . I have ddogs. Wouldn't dream of taking them to a family member's home at all. Yanbu.. Your dd doesn't sound a good owner... 3 in a flat and not trained or walked?. Who owns the flat? Most HA /council allows 1 ddog max...

whaddayawannado · 19/01/2025 16:35

She is not fit to be a dog owner. They are not baby substitutes, they are animals and need to be properly cared for as such. Why the heck has she got a puppy when she can't even look after the ones she already has?

Sorry, but this is animal cruelty and if I were you, I'd report her anonymously to the RSPCA (and it wouldn't surprise me if her neighbours do just that).

dolskarella · 19/01/2025 16:35

Just say no to dog in your home. These "emotional support" dogs give real, trained assistance dogs a bad name

steff13 · 19/01/2025 16:36

You don't have to let the dogs in your house. And I don't really think it's appropriate to have three dogs in a one-bedroom apartment. Unless they're really really small dogs.

Redcandlescandal · 19/01/2025 16:36

I love dogs. More than people.

YANBU. Tell her she can’t bring them to yours. She visits alone or you will go to hers, or you meet somewhere neutral.

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 19/01/2025 16:37

Just tell her you don't want them in your house so perhaps it would be easier for you to visit her!

sesquipedalian · 19/01/2025 16:39

Three dogs in a one bedroomed flat is crazy - and if she “forgets” to keep an eye on her dog at your house, you can bet she does at home as well. If she needs a support dog, tell her she can only bring one of them over - or if that’s too much, tell her you can’t cope with the mess her dogs make and that she needs to leave them at home. It’s not unreasonable. I can’t believe she’s taken in a new puppy when clearly she can’t look after the two she’s already got. If she won’t visit you, you will have to decide how much you can put up with - maybe meet for coffee in a café near hers so she can leave the dogs at home? She doesn’t sound at all like a responsible owner, and you shouldn’t have to put up with ill-trained dogs ruining your carpets.

oakleaffy · 19/01/2025 16:40

ScaredOfDinosaurs · 19/01/2025 16:32

Stop letting the dogs in your house! That's disgusting.

She needs to train them, if she can't then she isnt a fit owner.

@Knackerednow2019 She’s clearly not fit to own dogs if she lets them mess indoors

Aldo THREE dogs is two to many if she can’t manage.

Poor dogs.
Can you contact a dog warden to help educate her ?
She sounds like an animal hoarder.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 19/01/2025 16:41

Yanbu

1 dog is enough for one person tbh, in a flat

I wouldnt be allowing them around my house. There may be a long history between you and dd but that won't be resolved by accommodating her dogs.

WellsAndThistles · 19/01/2025 16:42

Sounds like the dogs need emotional support. Hopefully one of the neighbours will report her to RSPCA and they'll get taken off her. Nothing short of cruelty to animals.

Her 'issues' are no excuse.

NormaleKartoffeln · 19/01/2025 16:43

ScaredOfDinosaurs · 19/01/2025 16:32

Stop letting the dogs in your house! That's disgusting.

She needs to train them, if she can't then she isnt a fit owner.

This.
Tell her you don't want dogs in your house.

mummysontheginalready · 19/01/2025 16:43

Is it a HA flat? I am amazed that they have not got restrictions over amount of dogs a lot of HA i know they say no dogs or only 1 dog.
if she has not trained the dogs she has properly she should really not have a puppy as well. i am quite understanding of mental health but if she has a bad relapse it makes me wonder what will happen re the dogs?
untrained dogs will only lead to more stress for her.
as for you i would say no to her coming over go to her or meet somewhere like a coffee shop that has no dogs

Justcallmebebes · 19/01/2025 16:47

WellsAndThistles · 19/01/2025 16:42

Sounds like the dogs need emotional support. Hopefully one of the neighbours will report her to RSPCA and they'll get taken off her. Nothing short of cruelty to animals.

Her 'issues' are no excuse.

This. These are not support dogs, they're neglected dogs. Keeping 3 dogs in a 1 bedroom flat is downright cruel

RandomButtons · 19/01/2025 17:02

This is cruel, the dogs are not trained properly at all. She needs to train them or rehome them.

YourWildAmberSloth · 19/01/2025 17:03

YABU to let her keep bringing them over, just tell her not to.

ginasevern · 19/01/2025 17:05

"Sorry, but this is animal cruelty and if I were you, I'd report her anonymously to the RSPCA (and it wouldn't surprise me if her neighbours do just that)."

Exactly this. This isn't a "dog problem" this is an abusive owner problem. These are not support dogs, that's absolute bollocks and so I'm angry just typing this. Your daughter has absolutely no business keeping 3 dogs in a one bed flat and now you say she's got another puppy. If her mental health was that bad, such responsibility would drive her over the edge. She's just feckless and selfish and I dread to think what sort of boyfriend she's living with. I can only imagine how delighted her neighbours are to have someone so dysfunctional living next to them. If you do nothing else please do those poor animals a favour and report her.

ERthree · 19/01/2025 17:07

Maybe strong words are need here, like telling her she is abusing her dogs and really should be re-homing them because she can't cope with them. These animals are not support dogs at all, they are a crutch that your daughter uses to make her happy for a few weeks. She is being cruel and being downright disrespectful to her neighbours. The place must stink. Also not many Councils would allow anyone to have 3 dogs in a one bed flat. She needs to get her head out of her arse and think about other people and these poor neglected dogs.

Floralnomad · 19/01/2025 17:08

YANBU and these are not ‘support dogs’ , if your daughter cared about them she would at least bother to housetrain them not just keep getting new ones . Tell her to leave them at home until they are at least reliably trained . I must say I whole heartedly agree with @ginasevern

MyDogTails · 19/01/2025 17:08

Who minds the dogs when she goes out to work or college?
This sounds quite neglectful. I’d be having a strong conversation with DD.
You mention poor mental health but maybe she shouldn’t have dogs if she can’t care for them.

Floralnomad · 19/01/2025 17:10

Also if she thinks shutting them in a cage is the same as house training then you need to set her straight on that . I dread to think how long per day these poor animals are shut in a cage .

Pigeonqueen · 19/01/2025 17:11

Just say no. It’s perfectly reasonable to not want the dogs at your house. If she can’t facilitate this it may push her to realise they’re more than she can manage.

1smallhamsterfoot · 19/01/2025 17:11

She gets on a 20 minute bus journey with 3 dogs?