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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My daughter's dogs are driving me to distraction - AIBU?

54 replies

Knackerednow2019 · 19/01/2025 16:30

My daughter lives nearby and she has three dogs, which she keeps in a one bedroom flat. In the past these dogs have habitually weed and pooed everywhere, but recently she has gotten better at clearing up in her own place, and in taking them out (she has mental health problems so in part these are support dogs).

The problem is that I can't stand it when she brings them over. Don't shoot me, it's not their fault I know, but they are not well trained. I don't like them being all over the furniture and the puppy chews things. One of them is a new puppy and last time they came over I was cooking and cleaning up after her and her boyfriend and the puppy weed on the carpet twice. Iv'e just moved to a new flat and I am trying to keep it nice. She rolls her eyes when I complain - nicely - and she watches me clean it up while she flaps around with a piece of kitchen towel and laughs.

I ask her to keep an eye on the dog when she is there but she forgets. She says if I have a crate at mine that will be easier, but I don't want to keep a crate as I have limited space (it's very difficult to be boundaried with her historically and I've had years and years dealing with this).

NB she lives a 20 minute bus ride away so I think she could leave them at home when she visits.

In my heart I would love to be open and relaxed and chilled about mess, but after years of clearing up for people I have honestly done with this. My own mental health suffers when I'm constantly watching out for dog mess, wondering if it's been cleared up etc. I am up and down all the time following these dogs around and watching out for mess.

She thinks I am being unreasonable because these are like her babies. Lots of times I have puppy and dog sat and paid for her dog sitting but I don't want to be responsible for any of this anymore.

Tell me what you think please. And please don't criticise me for not wanting the dogs - it's my choice not to have a pet. I am nothing but kind to them.

OP posts:
HobbyHorse30 · 23/01/2025 19:07

She absolutely should not be acquiring more dogs when she couldn’t even properly look after (which includes training) the ones she already had. That’s selfish and irresponsible, and no wonder you don’t want the dogs on your house! YANBU

1989whome · 23/01/2025 19:43

I have a dog, love dogs! But my mother doesn't, if she comes to me then she has to deal with him. But I don't think it would be reasonable for me to expect her to welcome him in her house. She also likes things being super clean and tidy. Your daughter needs to know, just because she loves and choose to have them. Doesn't mean you have to. You need to draw some very clear boundaries for her. No you are not being unreasonable.

Wexone · 23/01/2025 20:00

sorry this is just wrong. I love dogs and I do have three. it's not too much as people say buy mine are trained and looked after that's the difference. 2 are fully toilet trained and one is in training (6 months old). as soon as wake up out for a wee. Once dressed etc short walk around house ( I live on 30 acres ) then I log into work. husband at home some time to so they either stay with me or go with him to yard. then walked at lunch time then walked again at eve. then short wee before bed. 2 never ever go in the house and pup is getting alot better, accidents are very rare now. to change a usual mumnet quote you dint have a dog problem you have a dog owner problem the poor dogs don't know what's right or wrong and are not being looked after. I don't bring mine everywhere with me. why can't you talk to your daughter about this ? or if not get help from dogs trust or battersea. not surrender but advice and classes

Shade17 · 23/01/2025 20:49

So, she couldn’t look after 2 dogs properly and then bought a new puppy? Mental health is no excuse, it’s absolutely disgraceful.

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