My daughter's dogs are driving me to distraction - AIBU?

[Knackerednow2019]

My daughter lives nearby and she has three dogs, which she keeps in a one bedroom flat. In the past these dogs have habitually weed and pooed everywhere, but recently she has gotten better at clearing up in her own place, and in taking them out (she has mental health problems so in part these are support dogs).

The problem is that I can't stand it when she brings them over. Don't shoot me, it's not their fault I know, but they are not well trained. I don't like them being all over the furniture and the puppy chews things. One of them is a new puppy and last time they came over I was cooking and cleaning up after her and her boyfriend and the puppy weed on the carpet twice. Iv'e just moved to a new flat and I am trying to keep it nice. She rolls her eyes when I complain - nicely - and she watches me clean it up while she flaps around with a piece of kitchen towel and laughs.

I ask her to keep an eye on the dog when she is there but she forgets. She says if I have a crate at mine that will be easier, but I don't want to keep a crate as I have limited space (it's very difficult to be boundaried with her historically and I've had years and years dealing with this).

NB she lives a 20 minute bus ride away so I think she could leave them at home when she visits.

In my heart I would love to be open and relaxed and chilled about mess, but after years of clearing up for people I have honestly done with this. My own mental health suffers when I'm constantly watching out for dog mess, wondering if it's been cleared up etc. I am up and down all the time following these dogs around and watching out for mess.

She thinks I am being unreasonable because these are like her babies. Lots of times I have puppy and dog sat and paid for her dog sitting but I don't want to be responsible for any of this anymore.

Tell me what you think please. And please don't criticise me for not wanting the dogs - it's my choice not to have a pet. I am nothing but kind to them.

I agree with this. Those poor dogs- no life at all.

I love my two dogs, but a failure to maintain house-training would be a major red line for me. I understand it’s not the dogs fault ( it never is, it’s always our responsibility as owners) , but mental health issues or not, your daughter is out of line here.
The dogs need better care and you need to establish a firm boundary with your daughter.

3 dogs isn’t support - it’s avoidance.

Don’t let her bring them over and keep reminding her they are living creatures she is responsible for - that if she can’t manage the basics with them she needs to get them rehomed.

She is being very cruel to these dogs, and very cruel to you.

Her behaviour is impacting on you, you NEED to put a stop to that. As the saying goes - 'Don't set yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm'. Protect yourself. Put yourself FIRST.

You need to stand your ground. The dogs are not permitted in your home - no ifs, no buts. If she turns up at your door with the dogs, tell her she knows you will not allow the dogs in so she needs to take them home NOW. Close the door on her if you have to.

If she's not going to take care of these dogs, she shouldn't have them. I wouldn't depend on a neighbour reporting her to the RSPCA, I'd do it myself. That may be a step too far for yourself, but it would be the best thing for all concerned in the long run.

Your daughter is foul, absolutely foul. Yanbu.

I absolutely adore dogs. I have two here. But she shouldn't be forcing them on you. Stand your ground and say no

Those poor dogs, stuck in a one bed flat, and not being trained or taken out. I'd be reporting her, but I doubt the RSPCA would actually do anything.

Why the hell has she got 3 dogs in a small flat .I bet it stinks .Just tell her you don’t want them in your house

That's a bit harsh :(

My DD loves her dog but she knows I tolerate more than love dogs .
Your home your rules , if she can’t do the basics and clean up after her pets she’s not fit to have them - that’s her issue.
Tell her no and if she turns up with them , go for a walk with her but Don’t let them in your home.
She needs to lose the entitlement and take responsibility

.

I don't think you can have 'partly' support dogs. Do you just mean she will strop and carry on if she's not allowed to have them with her? Because they don't sound as though they are trained at all, let alone as support.

I know you said you have history around boundary setting with your DD, OP, but I think you definitely need to have some here.

It's foul behaviour to laugh and do practically nothing when your untrained dog has pissed in your mother's home, yes. It is also foul to choose to own three dogs in a 1bed apartment.

You daughter doesn't love those dogs like her babies. If she did, she'd actually take care of them. Tbh I'd be ashamed if that was my child.

But, to answer your question. Tell her she's a bad owner and until she gets a grip, looks after her dogs properly and trains them properly, you don't want them or her in your flat.

Regardless of what she likes to call them, unless they are registered guide dogs, they aren’t service animals, they are pets, and the fact she has 3 supports that point.

I would be telling her the dogs are not welcome so she will need to come over without them or meet you somewhere else.

I grew up surrounded by loads of dogs so I absolutely love them but as I’ve got older and had a child, my opinion on other peoples dogs has changed massively. I heard someone say once ‘you love your children and think they are the best thing ever, but the rest of the world doesn’t’. It’s the same for dogs, you may think they are your children but no one else cares and other people don’t need to put up with them.

three dogs with one being a puppy? She doesn’t care about them as living breathing creatures with needs but as a prop. She’s being consumeristic with them but they aren’t products.

refuse to have them in your flat. Encourage her to train the poor things and take them out, enrich their lives and treat them with the respect they deserve. Try and get her to relinquish two and actually focus on the one. I completely believe that dogs/pets can be incredibly beneficial to mental health but only if it is a mutually beneficial relationship.

They are not her babies if she can't take care of them. If she walked them they wouldn't toilet in the house. Call the rspca

noone nees 3 support dogs ffs-where did she get them no reputable breeder woul let 3 live in a flat its cruel

They aren't support dogs, and using that terminology causes problems for those who actually have and need Assistance dogs.

Support/assistance dogs are well trained and fulfil a role.

Your daughter has 3 pet dogs that she has neglected to train and does not walk enough so they are probably bored and frustrated.

You should not allow them in your house if they are just going to ruin your home, and she should rehome them to someone who is capable of providing adequate care and training.

No, I wouldn't be having that.

I'd be introducing a strict no dogs in my flat rule.

Meet up for walks round the park or she can leave them at home or her boyfriend could stay at home with them.

No way would I have an untrained pet using my home as a toilet, especially if the owner isn't cleaning up effectively after it - that's gross & will ruin the flooring & furniture & leave a permanent stink in your home.

I adore dogs and you should definitely say no to her bringing dogs over. You can meet her at her place or at a park.

3 is a lot of dogs and she should have seriously considered how they fit into your lifestyle before having that many. It sounds like she should really only have 1 max. Dogs do occasionally pee or poo on the floor -- but it shouldn't be often and you need to be extra conscious at other people's houses. I'd be mortified if my dog peed or pooed on someone's floor. It's gross.

She is not capable of keeping dogs
Sorry

Can you both meet for a dog walk

A dog isn't a "support dog" just because it belongs to someone with MH difficulties. YANBU and your daughter sounds like an awful person, honestly. Who keeps two untrained dogs in a 1-bed flat and then gets a new puppy on top? Just tell her she can't bring them over to yours any more.

Just say no to her bringing the dogs in future and make her stay outside if she still turns up with them to pressurise you. Meet for outdoor walks.
Most crates do collapse down to store, but it seems she is ok if pup goes in there which won't help if she's ignoring meeting its needs with toilet training.

If the 2 were habitually toileting indoors before then she hasn't toilet trained them properly to start and the difference between indoor/outdoor is blurred so its not just few typical puppy accidents. Which makes it even more confusing why she has added this puppy into this mess, if she can't cope due to MH she really should look to re-home pup while still young and someone will be more inclined to overlook the lack of training.

It's nothing to do with living in a 1 bed flat as I had to move into one with 3 large dogs. They mainly stayed in kitchen/living room in previous 3 bed house so little change space wise for them, it's only me that has less spare space. Dogs should be getting majority of their exercise & stimulation needs met on walks and If you don't have direct door to a secure garden then your going out with them on lead about 5 + times a day however tired/ill you feel. Luckily the breeds I have are perfect apartment dogs as like to spend majority of the day lazing about and can't be bothered to bark at any goings on.