Ex is the love of his life.

[Treesandsheepeverywhere]

Read an article where Guy Pearce said his Ex-wife was the love of his life.

He has a partner now and they live together with their child.

Got me wondering if I could be mature/understanding enough to be ok in such a relationship.

If DH said this and the Ex was still alive, it would feel like he was settling or wishing to go back.

Have you ever been or would you be ok with being in a marriage or long term relationship where you knew his Ex was the love of his life?

YABU - It's totally fine.
YANBU - I'd always wonder if he would go back if there was a chance.

Thank you @Orangesinthebag.

Yes, that's what I mean. Doesn't have to bash her, could praise her even, but that statement would bring so much weight to the current relationship.

Not sure how the son would take it either as that's his mum.

I think sometimes your first love will always a have a special place in your heart. I don't think it has to take anything away from your real grown up relationship.

I'm a young widow too and I don't find it odd or disrespectful. It's a fact that if my DH hadn't died, I'm certain we'd still be together and happy. That's just how it is, I couldn't bring myself to lie to a new partner that they're my everything and I've never loved anyone like I love them, I'm sure it wouldn't ring remotely true.
They're dead so it's not as if they're a threat

The feeling is understandable but what I find odd is when a person feels the need to announce that "so-and-so" was the love of my life when they're currently in a relationship with a new partner. (Not saying that you did this; was an example in another post).

What's the purpose in keeping a public "love" scorecard? What you feel in your heart is your own private business, no need to share.

I read the article yesterday and felt the same

I think OPs interpretation is correct. The ex was the love of his life, he has moved on but she remains the love of his life, as in the greatest love. The new relationship has not surpassed this otherwise the new partner would be the love of his life. It doesn't necessarily follow that he wants to be with the ex, obviously it ended for a reason.

I read it and had the same reaction as the OP. Perhaps he didn't mean it this way or perhaps he's been misquoted, perhaps he and his partner have a mature outlook. Personally, I'd struggle knowing this.

I think if you are not the person who decides to end a relationship, and would have continued if it were up to you, it is always tricky to get over that person, if the relationship ends. (Don't know if that is the case here, had never heard of him until reading the Guardian, where it struck me as well as not a great way of putting things.)

I have definitely idealised exes who decided they wanted to move on (and did so in a decent, mature way), and only far, far later was able to assess more objectively why we would not have been a good match in the end. So I can imagine feeling like that about someone dumping me or passing away prematurely, and having that decision taken out of my hands by that person/fate.

Hope the new-ish partner stays level-headed about it, and strikes it up as a thoughtless comment/edit.

Just read it. I’d be offended at this too! He should just have said ‘ I don’t think we should expect romantic love to last a lifetime, so I’d say my son Monte because I know that will never change’

If I were his wife I’d still be a bit 😕but at least I could get behind that. Also spares everyone’s feelings if the 1st wife is his great love

I wouldn’t be ok with that. I would rather be alone than settled for.

If you read the comments one says that he recently said that he visits Norway often, to visit his son. Which implies he and his son's mother are no longer together

I don't think she's ordinary looking at all! She looks lovely.

@OnlyMothersInTheBuilding, Sorry for your loss, but if you met someone new, would you be happy with them publicly saying their ex was the love of their life?

Why the need to publicise it, unless you're hoping ex will see it.

That's true @TheignT, a lot of people have lost loves and some even settle whilst still holding a special spot for the ex.

How does it help the current relationship?
As it's public, everyone will know his partner is second best and that must sting.

Also, he had a history with Kate whereasit'searly days with new partner.

If he ends up with current partner for a long time, she could be the love of his life and possibly surpass Kate.
But having that knowledge would make me hold back from the relationship as it doesn't make someone feel good or it makes you seem like you're trying to hard to compete with the ex.

YANBU OP, I read the same article and found it such a strange and sad for thing for him to say.

It might be that he views his ex wife as the greatest love as they have a child together
His current partner might be ok with that and might accept that their life together is different. She may also feel similar, or understand that their relationship is separate from what he feels or did not feel. I don’t feel that all relationships or partnerships are about being the greatest love of all time but about a mutual understanding of what each brings to the table at that particular time
Would I be in with it? That would depend on the depth of my relationship as mentioned above and whether I considered my partner the love of my life or if I was enjoying the relationship and what it offered without categorising it.
I have also never dated a man with children so I don’t know how I’d feel about that undeniable lifelong bond with another woman.. but I would definitely consider it if I was contemplating getting into a serious partnership with them

It might be that he views his ex wife as the greatest love as they have a child together

I think the child is with the new partner though!

Yep. Eesh, poor woman 😔

And you have to think, he knows this is an interview for a public article. He could have said anything, it didn't have to be true!

I would feel so undefended and sad, no way I could stay. I suppose he's very rich. Maybe the dynamic is mutual.

Oh I didn’t realise his child wasn’t with his ex
It’s hard to know if it’s offensive to his current partner without knowing the dynamic. They may have a mutual understanding of wanting to be parents together and be in a relationship together while knowing/understanding it’s not the greatest love of all time.

His ex wife is gay - she got married to her girlfriend.
He didn't leave her.
He protected her.

He did move on to a new partner and that happened pretty quickly.
They were taking a break two years ago.

So he co-parents with his son's mum but I don't think they are together anymore.
His ex and him were teen sweethearts.
He was devastated when she said it was no longer working and she was a lesbian.

Mil would say deceased fil is the love of her life. They had a long marriage and raised 3 children .
A few years after he died prematurely ,she has got married again and they are happy with a 15 year + relationship going strong. However it's not the same "great love" that she once had with FIL. Her partner would say similar about his late (1st) wife too I think.

They are both very happy and settled but it's not the same as the person they raised children with.

I agree she looks lovely but when I say ordinary, I mean she doesn’t look like the typical Hollywood stars wife. She’s normal looking, not super attractive model looking.

But there's no saying he'd actually told HER he thought you were the one that got away. He might just have talked about you (as in his life history) and she knew he loved you dearly back then. He was perhaps more truly open with you, but kept the total extent of his feelings to himself.

I think she sounds like a very decent honourable woman.

@FarmGirl78 no he said that to her too…

He did tell me things she has no idea he said which is a godsend but tbh I found it all very odd.