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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please help need someone to talk to

76 replies

Helpls · 19/01/2025 11:52

Will understand if I get judged. Just need some perspective. At 11am I started drinking wine. I had 2 glasses then I had a cocktail can. DH came home (he took DC out for the morning) and has gone mad that I am “tipsy” Said he thinks I have a problem and I need to sort my head out. Throwing out that I have an alcoholic brother and I’m like him (I’m not)

I don’t wake up “needing a drink” I think I could go without a drink all week. It’s just the feeling of being tipsy I crave. It’s a nice feeling and makes me happier. Makes me be able to deal with things better. Puts me in a good mood.

Anyway we’ve had a massive row and I’ve left the house. Currently out walking to get away from him.

Feel so upset

OP posts:
DavidStent · 19/01/2025 11:55

I sympathise OP definitely. However I feel that drinking what you describe at 11am to feel tipsy is a red flag. I am the child of a mum who used to do this and it’s not pleasant for a child to see their mum drinking - or even if they don’t see their mum actually drinking to know their mum is drinking

but it’s a good thing you got away from the house to get perspective ❤️

barbace · 19/01/2025 11:57

I think you need to get to the root of what you're trying to escape from and deal with that. I understand it may seem an easy escape but it's horrible for your family and you know it's not right or normal to be drinking like that. Wishing you all the best.

CharlotteStreetW1 · 19/01/2025 11:57

Oh love, I think it's pretty clear you absolutely do have a drink problem. No one needs to be tipsy on their own on a Sunday morning. (And don't you ever need to drive?)

If you genuinely don't believe you have a problem, see if you can indeed go without for a week. If you can't, please get help.

Good luck!

NeverAloneNeverAgain · 19/01/2025 11:58

2 glasses of wine plus a cocktail can in less than 50min (if you started at 11 and then posted this at 11.52) is a lot in a short space of time.

You say you think you could go the week without a drink. When was the last time this happened? Problem drinking looks different for different people so try not to compare to your brother to reduce the notion you may have a problem.

Addiction is around the obsession/compulsion. That drive or craving for the feeling of being tipsy. No one can tell you you have a problem but yourself. Maybe it's time to ask yourself some questions and be honest. What impact is your drinking having on you outside of causing problems in your relationship? Impact on your children?

If you do want to explore help or support there's lots of ways to do this but it has to come from you.

DavidStent · 19/01/2025 11:59

I thought for a minute I was being a bit precious and po-faced for being negative about Sunday morning drinking - but it seems others agree

Cansomeone · 19/01/2025 12:00

You're an addict, please seek help before it consumes you.

mynameiscalypso · 19/01/2025 12:00

You say that you think you could go for a week without a drink; why don't you try?

And yes, two glasses of wine and a cocktail before midday does suggest a drinking problem.

TokyoSushi · 19/01/2025 12:01

OP bluntly, 2 glasses of wine and a cocktail can between 11am and 12pm on a Sunday isn't good.

Perhaps use your walk to clear your head and have a good think if you could do with some help. Flowers

Original poster
Helpls · 19/01/2025 12:01

I don’t know why I do it. I feel like it just lets me escape from the “fed up” feeling in my head.

OP posts:
DavidStent · 19/01/2025 12:03

My mum used to pour alcohol into coffee cups.

When my grandparents stayed once I asked her why she pours alcohol into coffee cups. She said “because I think it’s wrong”

cafenoirbiscuit · 19/01/2025 12:03

Drinking in the morning is quite unusual behaviour. Maybe go and see your GP for some support about why you need to feel tipsy in the morning ?

PheasantPluckers · 19/01/2025 12:03

Judgement won't help anyone, but you have to wake up to the fact that you have a drinking problem. If you have an alcoholic brother, it may well be in your genes.

What is it that you feel so upset about? That you feel like your husband has been horrible to you or that you crave feeling tipsy? Even if you feel your husband has been unkind, can you see it from his point of view? That coming home to someone who is 'tipsy' (before it's even 12:00) with a child is unpleasant and worrying?

Alalalala · 19/01/2025 12:04

Your DH is right to be concerned. You do need help OP. There are lots of resources out there including AA.

The ‘Home’ podcasts with Holly Whittaker and Laura MacKowen are good. Also Alan Carr ‘Easy Way to Stop Drinking’.

Good luck.

TrixieFatell · 19/01/2025 12:04

I'd be alarmed if I came back and found my gf us and tipsy at that time in the day. Your post does sound like someone with a issue around alcohol. I hope you find the support you need

Original poster
Helpls · 19/01/2025 12:05

Does having an alcoholic brother increase the chances?

I’ll be honest, and this is never something I’ve said to anyone else. My youngest child has asd. Absolutely beautiful boy who I love to bits but omg it’s tough. I am NOT blaming him at all, but most days feel like torture. I feel so bad saying that. Having a drink is the only “fun thing in my life” I feel so pathetic

OP posts:
Cansomeone · 19/01/2025 12:05

Helpls · 19/01/2025 12:05

Does having an alcoholic brother increase the chances?

I’ll be honest, and this is never something I’ve said to anyone else. My youngest child has asd. Absolutely beautiful boy who I love to bits but omg it’s tough. I am NOT blaming him at all, but most days feel like torture. I feel so bad saying that. Having a drink is the only “fun thing in my life” I feel so pathetic

There are studies showing alcoholism has a genetic link, yes.

PheasantPluckers · 19/01/2025 12:06

Helpls · 19/01/2025 12:01

I don’t know why I do it. I feel like it just lets me escape from the “fed up” feeling in my head.

This sounds like depression and you are self medicating. This is not a safe or healthy way of dealing with ot. Please see you GP as a priority.

DavidStent · 19/01/2025 12:06

Helpls · 19/01/2025 12:05

Does having an alcoholic brother increase the chances?

I’ll be honest, and this is never something I’ve said to anyone else. My youngest child has asd. Absolutely beautiful boy who I love to bits but omg it’s tough. I am NOT blaming him at all, but most days feel like torture. I feel so bad saying that. Having a drink is the only “fun thing in my life” I feel so pathetic

You’re not pathetic -,you’re honest - which has taken a lot of courage ❤️

MatildaTheCat · 19/01/2025 12:08

What is going on that you need to escape from? It is concerning behaviour on the face of it. If you are entirely honest how often does this happen?

If you need someone to listen without judgement consider calling the Samaritans on 116123.

Best wishes for a happier life ahead.

SALaw · 19/01/2025 12:08

I note you say "I don't know why I DO it" not "I don't know why I DID it". How regular is this?

RobinHeartella · 19/01/2025 12:08

I also think you need to get some help op.

Lots of us have a fed up feeling in our heads but we have less harmful ways of dealing with it. For example when I have racing thoughts I play games on my phone. Or I go on mumsnet, put an audio book on, put loud music on, stuff like that, just whatever drowns out the noise of my inner monologue (which is basically always negative). Many years ago I got into daytime drinking and then ended up with an eating disorder. I'm so glad that's in the past. I haven't got away from the racing thoughts but I've found healthier ways of drowning them out.

There's definitely a better way op. Please try to get help.

HeffalumpsAndWoozlesAreHoneyRobbingTwats · 19/01/2025 12:10

As somebody who used to do this on more occasions than I'd like to admit, I'm afraid you do have a problem with alcohol, OP. You're on a seriously slippery slope. Yes, alcoholism is genetic, that's been studied many times.
If this is genuinely a one-off (I suspect it isn't, without judgement) I'd look into why you felt the need to drink three alcoholic drinks within the span of an hour. If it isn't a one off, please seriously consider going tee-total. Your GP and many organisations can help you.

Member984815 · 19/01/2025 12:10

In the nicest way I'm sorry you do have a problem , does this happen often? Talk to your gp about how you are feeling there may be medication you can try to allieve the fed up feeling , self medicating with alcohol is only going to make the feeling worse .

Daleksatemyshed · 19/01/2025 12:11

Please see your Dr and ask for help Op. If you're drinking because you like feeling drunk then that's a red flag. Every addiction starts small, get help before it gets out of hand

chelseahealyslips · 19/01/2025 12:11

Oh love, I'm so sorry you're feeling like this.

What is it you're fed up with or trying to escape from? Can you expand on that?

I think you do have a problem with alcohol as using it to cancel out your feelings is not healthy.