Please help need someone to talk to

[Helpls]

Will understand if I get judged. Just need some perspective. At 11am I started drinking wine. I had 2 glasses then I had a cocktail can. DH came home (he took DC out for the morning) and has gone mad that I am “tipsy” Said he thinks I have a problem and I need to sort my head out. Throwing out that I have an alcoholic brother and I’m like him (I’m not)

I don’t wake up “needing a drink” I think I could go without a drink all week. It’s just the feeling of being tipsy I crave. It’s a nice feeling and makes me happier. Makes me be able to deal with things better. Puts me in a good mood.

Anyway we’ve had a massive row and I’ve left the house. Currently out walking to get away from him.

Feel so upset

When you say you can go a week without drinking. Do you mean that's something you actually do? So do you drink on a Sunday to get tipsy, but stay sober the rest of the week? If so, I don't necessarily think it's a problem. Just probably unusual at this time on a Sunday.

However, if you drink every day. But you only think you could go a week without, then yes, that's a drinking problem. Probably one in the early stages so you could try and stop without too much difficulty. Take control of it now. Before it gets out of hand.

Ok so I sometimes have a couple of drinks on a Thursday when DH takes DC to their clubs. Sometimes on a Friday in front of DH. Same with Saturdays. And sometimes Sundays.

Growing up, every Sunday I would see my dad come home drunk. Never falling over the place or being sick etc. He used to manage a football team and they’d always go back to the pub. He was never nasty or violent when he came home, just always in a good mood. I remember it making me laugh. I don’t know why I’ve said this. Just getting everything out there.

I feel like today will be my last day I drink

Nobody is blaming you. You've been so bravely honest to admit you're struggling with something.

Parenting a child with additional needs can be very hard. You must seek support with doing that. And with your mental health which will go some way to helping you tackle your unhealthy relationship with alcohol.

What’s the context? Are you cooking a big family meal or just drinking alone?

I'm sorry but It does sound as though you have a problem with drink. That is a lot to drink in less than an hour in a not social situation. Add that to saying you just like to feel tipsy to help you feel better is a massive red flash.
I have a friend who is an alcoholic and she started drinking 'just to help her relax' and she would have said she could easily go without. But it creeps up on you and eventually she couldn't cope. Her life and her health was ruined.
Please get some help. You are not an alcoholic now and this is the time to make sure it doesn't happen

DH is right to be concerned.

You've had 3 drinks in the space of am hour on a Sunday morning. It does indicate an issue.

Your brother and father both have issues with alcohol so yes, you are also a higher risk as a result.

Stop while you can.

Oh I’m so sad that people think I have a drink problem. Sat on a bench crying🙈 I can’t believe I have got to this point

You definitely deserve more fun things in your life, and to deal with fed up feeling in your head. maybe speak to your gp about being fed up.

alcohol, though, isn’t the right answer. Alcohol is readily available but it’s bad for you!

This is fabulous OP !! ❤️❤️

Have you said that before?
If you are drinking a large amount, please seek advice from your GP. Withdrawal affects people in vastly different ways. Some people can simply just stop, others experience a variety of unpleasant side effects - some which can be dangerous.

My ex didn't drink first thing in the morning. Could go a day, a week, or Dry January without drinking. Still drank herself to death at the age of 41. A 'drink problem' isn't always a homeless man skulling cans of cider on a park bench in the early morning. Problem drinking is literally any alcohol drinking that is problematic to your life, health, relationships. Please be honest with yourself and husband, and seek help.

Today I have drank to be drunk. I won’t lie. Other days when I’ve drank I’ve drank to feel relaxed. It’s so fustrating

I hope you are able to find the help that you need.

I remember a couple of years ago, I was feeling really low. I focused on eating healthier and upping my exercise. I was in much a better head space. I want to get back to that

Look at this as getting control back in your life instead of alcohol having control over you. Get support to stop drinking, it's hard to do by yourself. Look at other ways to find relaxation in your life and ways to find happiness.

@Helpls I hear you. I remember when my DC were young and the everyday drudgery of life just sapped the life out of me.

I left for work at 6am so morning drinking wasn’t an issue but I used to have a few shots when I got home (6pm) just to “boost me up” and make the evenings of chores/bath/story reading/bedtime grumps bearable. I did go on to have a dependency of sorts and I still struggle to moderate my consumption to this day (20 years later) despite being AF for years at a time.

Please trust me - this will only get worse. Your DH is angry but also probably terrified. Having an alcoholic brother could mean you are genetically predisposed to developing alcohol use disorder- there is emerging evidence that there may be genetic mutations that interfere with dopamine pathways which make alcohol dependency more likely.

You say you are “not like” your brother - in what way? I’m guessing he didn’t go to bed sober one night and wake up an alcoholic the next day? It creeps up on people - it’s a deceptive and sneaky drug.

Do you feel like you can speak honestly with your DH about this? Or anyone else IRL? Without judgement- you really do need to take steps to address this now or else your future could be very bleak. ❤️

Addiction and Recovery are not easy.

Relapse is often part of recovery

Addiction relies on 3 things: The desire, The means, and the opportunity. You have to address all of these to make progress.

It’s not as easy as “I’m stopping”

From a former addict

You know it’s not ideal OP, but it’s not the end of the world. Have a think about what you gain from drinking - is it escapism and what you think might help you stop.

Is it worth seeing the GP and trying anti depressants or talking therapy?

Do you need more respite from your DC? Could you speak to social services or your GP and see what help is available - my ASD relative has a carer, spends a lot of time in respite - it’s not offered though you have to ask!

Do you need to see more of your friends or more exercise?

Feel for you. Could you be depressed? If so, I would see your GP. And you deserve some nice things in your life, some experiences to look forward to, that don’t revolve around drinking. What could those be?

This is a good first step, but you need help. Your life is tough and you are drinking to cope, without changes you will still have that need. Can you access help for/with your child? If you deal with the causes you will find it a lot easier to deal with the effects.

Setting yourself up to fail by simply telling yourself that you will stop won't do you any good, you will feel a failure if you can't.

It is a good thing that you have this insight and are admitting it “out loud” so to speak. Drinking to get drunk (I’ve been there) is a huge red flag for alcohol use disorder.

But - it’s not too late and you can turn this around! I believe in you. Get yourself on the alcohol support boards where you will get tons of support and tips on dealing with cravings, filling the void numbing yourself with alcohol gives you x

Yeah you have a drinking problem. Nobody wakes up and reaches for the booze at that time of morning without having a problem.

Your husband is right, you need to get help before this gets worse. You have children to think of.

I think you knew it anyway, deep down I mean?

It's so hard OP. I come from a family of alcoholics, it's killed two uncles, my step dad and my sister. My mum is alive but not the same person she was due to alcohol. My mum started drinking a lot in her 40s, I think it was menopause related (along with some hefty life events).

I personally think that if you have the tendency to go to alcohol when stressed etc the only way to eliminate the risk of alcoholism getting you is to be teetotal, I quit alcohol 2 years ago as I was worried I'd be the same as my family and it's the best thing I have ever done. I am so much happier for it.