Dsis constant comments on children/parenting

[Notlikelysaidthedragontothefly]

I’m 31 and have a 6 year old son with my DH. Each of my siblings have a child except one, my Dsis (36yrs old) who got married back in October. I get on well with each brother and sister and keep in contact regularly.

My Dsis (without any children) is something of a social butterfly: large circle of friends, always has a party, gathering, meet-up of some kind every week. I get on well with my new BiL as does everyone else in the family.
As the story often goes, my Dsis is normally the first to hand out unsolicited (and often unhelpful) advice, opinions and unnecessary remarks (my son has had behavioural difficulties- not diagnosed with anything and has improved dramatically over the past year or so). Everything from ‘you need to tell him “no”- no one ever tells him “no”’ to ‘He’s a spoilt brat)’ (which she said in front of him one day).

To the main point: ever since Dsis got married, whenever she and BiL see any of us, it’s typically in the presence of my son, or nephews and nieces all of which are younger than my son and she’ll make the same comment constantly. There can be chaos, screaming, tantrums, over excitement etc everything you would expect from little ones. But it always, always, always leads to my Dsis saying ‘yep, we’re definitely still on the fence about having children’ or turning to BiL saying ‘sure you want to consider having children! Haha’. It bothers me, makes me feel I-don’t-know-what. Why does she have to make a comment like that? When someone is managing a small child and all they hear is ‘yep we’re definitely still on the fence…’ and it is constant.
Aibu? I want to address the comments with my Dsis but not sure what to say exactly. I don’t want to start an argument with her, just nip it in the bud. Wwyd? Can someone suggest something I can say to her?

Well the OP doesn’t think her sister is rude now anyway so I’m not sure what her point is at all.

Yes this. Does it bother you that your sister is ambivalent about having kids, and if so why?

Another really insightful response- thank you!
My Dsis has a habit of over-sharing; we’d definitely know of a fertility issues.
You made several really good points: when I got engaged, Dsis was happy for me, but did say ‘I always thought I’d be the first to get married lol!’ I didn’t really know the implication and just left it.
Her husband is lovely and on several occasions has said to me and DH ‘Edward’s a real credit to you’.

Thank you for all of your responses- it’s certainly given me food for thought.

Final post and I appreciate this is not the same for everyone: I love watching my nieces and nephews running around, squealing in delight being chased by my siblings, cousins etc, making a mess with arts and crafts, bringing sticks into the house saying ‘I’ve found a light saber!!’
After all, childhood is for such a short time.

Have a lovely Sunday everyone x

Excited children running about is not a behavioural problem.

squealing in delight

No. I hate squealing, and so do most people.

I think this is the nub of the poblem. @Notlikelysaidthedragontothefly doesn't notice or mind the squealing. The sister and most people do. So the OP ignores the squealing and doesn't parent her child, resulting in the sister getting irate (as would most people)

I like that children can enjoy themselves, but squealing and screeching is not on. Raised voices and laughing fine, ear peircing squeals are not.

As in what are/ were your son's behavioural problems?

To address the main point of your post, I’ve known people like this, friends of our friends who used to join us, they’ constantly state they ‘hated’ kids and yet they've just celebrated their PFB’s first birthday 🤣.

If I’ve ever been presented with similar I’m just incredibly sarcastic, something like ‘oh gosh yeh don’t have them’ without any more explanation can do the trick. Are you questioning their ability or are you really not recommending it? Who knows 🤷🏼‍♀️😉😅

But being well-mannered etc (or not) isn't an innate characteristic of children, like being dark-haired or blond. People don't get allocated polite kids or rude ones in a random, luck-of-the-draw way. Kids behave how they're allowed to behave; being "fortunate" isn't a factor. You get to set the rules, and "no shouting / screaming indoors" (for example) is a perfectly valid one.

Exactly. Learnt behaviour.

While that might be lovely for you, that may mean that it's impossible to have a proper conversation or catch up with people, which I assume your sister is trying to do while she is visiting your parents house.

Maybe you both view your visits tonight your parents house with different objectives, you are centring the children, she maybe prefers to center adult relationships.

My sister is just the same, no idea about kids, makes stupid horrible remarks, she makes it openly clear that doesn't like children nor want them. So funny her new boyfriend has youngish children, and she said to me wow it's so hard having children 🤣 ffs! I just stay away from her tbh x

I don't know why any of us has children. ha ha.
Just let her say what she feels like. She is being honest and light hearted. It is very taxing to be in the company of other people's noisy children.

Her banter will change when she is the one teaching her kids to behave well, not shout at sister, not run inside, not throw balls inside, not drop food on floor etc etc.

It is rude. It would be equally rude if the OP told her sister how glad she was she wasn't childless like her. It is always rude to look at someone's life choices and say you're glad you didn't make them.

Where I do have sympathy with your sister is that given that she doesn't have children I don't think every family gathering should be centred (which at their ages really means dominated) by children. Could you sometimes see your parents without the children, e.g. in the evening?

I’d point out that there’s a very good reason your parents stopped with her.