Worried about my quiet and introvert DD

[Newname85]

she is 16. Has a couple of friends. None in her new A levels school.

She seems ok, high achieving at school, etc. But doesn’t do parties or anything. Hangs out with a just couple of old friends - but very rarely. Comes home straight from school most days - practices music (plays 2 instruments to a high standard) or art (her new passion)

I can’t help but wonder how she’ll cope at Uni and whether she’ll even make friends. How will she find a partner is she is this quiet and not social ?

Why did she leave her school?
Has her entire schooling been like this? Ie very few friends at primary?
Does she seem happy?
Do you have friends and socialise?

Is she happy? I was quite a solitary child, enjoyed art and spent a lot of time doing that. When I did socialise (more pubs than parties) I didn't particularly enjoy it. I haven't stayed in contact with the few school friends I have but have friends I've made since through uni, work, hobbies and mum friends.

She’ll find her way sounds like she’s just decompressing after new school term. I was very similar it’s just how some people are wired. I delayed going to uni and worked / travelled for a couple of years and thrived later in life. I’m definitely an introvert who recharges in my own space and socialise normally doing sports with 1 or 2 others. My now 18yr dd is the same but my younger teen is more extrovert. If she’s stable and content I’d leave her be.

I would not worry. My own DS was pretty similar. ,he played guitar and had a best friend. Not a party animal at all.wenr to RG uni .,lots of partying social life.new friends.i am sure your DD will be similar

Her GCSE school didn’t offer the A level subjects she wanted. Yes - she always struggled to make friends - she has just 3 really good friends. One . From her primary, one from her GCSE school and third one is my friend’s daughter. Her sixth form is a big school - but she only talks about 1 girI!! I have friends and I socialise - but only once or twice a month as I have a hectic job. Tbh, DH and I don’t enjoy socialising much - I’d rather chill with coffee and a book or watch Netflix

I don’t enjoy socialising much - I’d rather chill with coffee and a book or watch Netflix

and looks like your daughter might be the same 🤷

Is she autistic?

No words

Hi same boat here. My DD is quiet, small group of friends who she doesn’t see much out of college. Very occasional trip to the cinema with them and that’s about it.

To be honest she mainly wants to do things with me, and whilst I love her company I worry about her going to uni and her ability to make new friends or meet a partner. So basically I’m here for the replies too!

Yep. Why is it ok for you but not ok for your daughter?

She may well be autistic.

I struggled with dating! I’ve only dated 1 person and we ended up getting married ! I’m worried a lot about DD.

Lots of high achieving, quiet, introverted girls are autistic. What's your problem with this suggestion?

And I gather you’re not happy with this person?

And you don’t think her mother may have mentioned this in the OP as a relevant detail?

Most people meet their partners online now. She'll be able to do that if she wants.

I see it didn't take long for mumsnet goto 'are they autistic' line to be trotted out.

Lots of parents don't consider that girls with this profile are autistic until someone points it out, tbh. OP may have considered it and ruled it out but she may not have thought about it.

A few years ago I was in your shoes OP. My DD had no friends at school and I was desperately worried how she would cope at university. She has more than coped and has found her tribe 😀.
Is your DD lonely or is she content in her own company the way many introverts are?

What is the actual problem with this as a question?

No-one has said "she sounds autistic", no-one is diagnosing on the internet. But lots and lots of girls who fit this profile are, and it's worth OP considering.

It sounds like she knows what she likes doing! I wish I'd been confident enough to just not go to parties at that age..I hated every second of them!

My daughter sounds very similar to yours and I also worried about how she would cope at uni. She's in her first year and doing fine though. She's still not into socialising but she loves her course (art based). She has a good friend she goes places with but also spends lots of time in her room listening to music/creating her art. I've accepted she's living her life how she wants to and not how I think she should, and I've stopped worrying so much. As long as she's happy. Your daughter sounds passionate and confident when it comes to her creative abilities and I do think that can be key for many people in finding happiness. 💕

why can’t anyone not have a wide group of friends and prefer being at home without autism being raised?

Even if she were autistic, if she is happy, then what does it change? Force her to party, have more friends why?

I was v much like this at that age. Had a few close friends but preferred studying in my room or hanging out with my mum. Very shy and introverted. Uni was the making of me. Lots of partying and making friends, joining different groups. Now in my 40s with good job, nice group of friends, husband and toddler. She’ll be fine, don’t worry! She’s still young and discovering who she is!

Because lots of us have had the experience of being this teenage girl. And then being diagnosed later in life after a lot of struggles which could have been avoided if we'd realised we were autistic earlier?