Worried about my quiet and introvert DD

[Newname85]

she is 16. Has a couple of friends. None in her new A levels school.

She seems ok, high achieving at school, etc. But doesn’t do parties or anything. Hangs out with a just couple of old friends - but very rarely. Comes home straight from school most days - practices music (plays 2 instruments to a high standard) or art (her new passion)

I can’t help but wonder how she’ll cope at Uni and whether she’ll even make friends. How will she find a partner is she is this quiet and not social ?

Is she in an orchestra? Or a choir? Something where they are very directed and it caters to her interests but there’s also a social aspect?

Maybe that can be her plan for uni as well. Join a choir, join an orchestra, get a part time job and muddle along? I have a friend from my course who wasn’t social at all and didn’t get involved in anything social really. I think I was her only friend there!

Hello, my son had an autism diagnosis last year, and it's been a complete game changer for our family. I feel so much better at asking questions before we go somewhere eg. Who will be there or what will he eat etc. also school have had to be more supportive and put things into place for him, he has ADHD as well, eg fidget toys, theraband, task pad as he forgets the next job. When we've been on days out and on holiday, when he's had a meltdown or is very close I feel so much more confident reaching out to staff for help. When fire alarms have gone off and triggered him I'm able to explain if I need to. Previously I felt he was seen as very demanding, difficult and like he made all the rules by other people, now I know why and we work together to make life as comfortable as possible for us all, sending love xx

I was trying to quote the person who asked how an autism diagnosis helped their family, I'm new and useless at IT! My apologies! X

I wouldn't be worrying about dating. She's only 16. She might well meet a shy young man in the future.
As for uni, it might do her good. My friend's daughter started uni this year. She's very shy and didn't have a single friend before leaving home. She had no social life whatsoever. Since starting uni she has made a couple of friends. Being away from home forced her to make a couple of friends.

My DS was the same, never had many close friends at school and wasn’t keen to make them, he would come home and talk about school and played in a local football team, but he never went out, 1 or 2 classmates would call and ask him to go somewhere with them or to go play sports, but he hardly ever did, I think he only ever did 2/3 sleepovers. He did go to a local university but stayed at home and travelled in usually 3/4 days a week, he had friends on his course, they didn’t do any outside socialising either, but they spent a lot of time together studying and group projects. He now works, is happy and goes out with his work colleagues occasionally, he is never going to be a social butterfly and just doesn’t see the need to stay in contact with anyone from his past, he just isn’t interested. His younger brother is the complete opposite.

I wouldn’t want that for her, ‘one and done’ isn’t much life experience, but regarding everything else it just sounds like she’s like the pair of you.

Absolutely! I agree

Try not to worry about her life being like yours, OP

You could chat to her about mistakes you feel that you made, things you wish you'd done differently (chat, not lecture!!) and then leave her to it 🥰

It's hard to explain how it can make a difference so I understand people questioning it. It's not that difficulties disappear, but they're not so confusing and you can learn how to manage them more. I don't want to derail the OPs thread though. Her daughter sounds happy in herself and autism hasn't been flagged for her. But for other people issues arising from autism can be confusing and upsetting. A diagnosis gives you more understanding about why things may be difficult. You can then be kinder to yourself as well as navigate life with strategies for coping.

@Newname85

"Dated 1 and married them"...

Actually you can say you're very good at dating with a 💯 success rate.

Being quiet in life, reflective and enjoying the things you like is a very satisfying way to be. Your DD will continue to develop and change for years to come. Actually her whole life she will change, learn new things, meet new people.

Try to be supportive, interested and resist worrying so much.

As long as she’s happy op I wouldn’t worry.

The thing with school is that you’re just stuck with people who happen to live near you and be the same age. There’s no guarantee you’re gonna be friends with them. I didn’t start making real friends until I was in college and I was with people who’d chosen to do the same subjects as me as we had shared I interests. I imagine she’ll make some good mates when she gets to uni. And loads of people meet their partners online these days, if she’s that bothered about it she can sign up to a dating site.

My DSis was like this and so is her eldest.

She did make a couple of friends at university and it's working out similarly for her eldest.