Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel justified getting a taxi back from the shops sometimes -DH seems IABU

106 replies

ladyattheback · 17/01/2025 11:07

How many of you do this - especially if you have pain issues and don't run a car?

I've been happily married to DH for 28 yrs. Neither of us either run a car nor have a driving licence, neither of us ever got a driving licence, so not had anything confiscated (could be part of his concern but he won't say).

We live in Greater Manchester, with really great bus connections (probably because of that and budget plus we never learned), so never been a worry getting the children about (no Mum and Dad taxi service with our DC). Supermarket groceries are no issue - we largely have those delivered.

During the last few years, I'm finding it harder physically to get about as soon as I have a few bags of shopping I would usually manage on the bus. I'm not especially large - a size 14 though approaching 50 it would be nice to lose a bit of weight.

I've chronic pain issues - spine, hips, shoulders etc. Once or twice I've felt like giving up and getting a taxi back part way. I'm then wasted for the next couple of hours after getting back. It's not the walking that bothers me so much, it's as soon as I'm bearing weight. So far - no cab until last weekend, and I never heard the last of it from DH - what a waste of money etc.

I've been thinking about getting the bus out lately, doing the 20 min walk out, then about in the stores and coming back in a cab. For example, tins of paint and bulky items can be on the heavy side. The retail park that has all I need in one fell-swoop has many of the places I would visit in one place, but it's a 6 mile trip home in a cab.

AIBU to 'treat' myself on occasion to this, or is DH right it's too much? Is he afraid I will be judged getting into a cab and people will suspect I must be getting into a cab because I've had a licence taken away? I've never been able to drive due to a sight restriction, but DH has never been inspired to learn. We are entering our 50's now so that is unlikely to change.

I'm sick of ordering online and getting 'unpredictable' quality delivered by Amazon - I'd like to be able to bring some purchases home from in-store.

DH will rarely be seen out shopping - can't stand it. I'm not the biggest shopper, but sometimes we need to get it in?

I do have friends that drive, though don't want to ask - they don't go in for the same items as me - I also prefer not to spend all Saturday shopping - if I can get out on a weeknight and do click/collect I'd rather do that.

OP posts:
dayslikethese1 · 17/01/2025 11:47

For large items it makes sense to get a cab back if you don't drive. Presumably this would be infrequent and its still way cheaper than running a car.

Original poster
ladyattheback · 17/01/2025 11:47

My family ended up having to confiscate the bikes from my Dad (tried to use Mum's once we took his off him).

OP posts:
caringcarer · 17/01/2025 11:49

dayslikethese1 · 17/01/2025 11:47

For large items it makes sense to get a cab back if you don't drive. Presumably this would be infrequent and its still way cheaper than running a car.

This and if DH objects tell him to come and carry heavy things back for you.

Shoxfordian · 17/01/2025 11:50

Why doesn't he come to carry heavy items? What's the point of him?

shellyleppard · 17/01/2025 11:52

If you are in pain then take the taxi home. Saves being in pain for hours after. If dh doesn't like it then he can do the heavy shopping x

Onlycoffee · 17/01/2025 12:00

he afraid I will be judged getting into a cab and people will suspect I must be getting into a cab because I've had a licence taken away?

What? I don't know where to start with this one. Is he aware you have chronic pain? I mean, of course he is, so YOU should be his only concern, not how randoms might judge you.
And as for that judgement, it's absolutely ridiculous, people get taxis for all sorts of reasons, who even cares?
I don't know anyone who would actually assume this or id it was even correct, judge someone, people don't do that.

Get the taxis, you'd have been paying out a lot more for running a car all these years.

Discombobble · 17/01/2025 12:03

I grew up believing taxis were a ridiculous luxury used only by the weak, but had a lightbulb moment when waiting to get on a bus with 4 small children, shopping and a pushchair that sometimes they are the most sensible choice! If he doesn’t want to come with you and do the heavy lifting, he doesn’t have any say in how you get it home

UnaOfStormhold · 17/01/2025 12:07

Could you present a comparison of the amount it would cost to get someone in to do the work Vs cost of you doing it including materials, bus fare and taxi home?

StillweriseLH · 17/01/2025 12:11

You are over estimating how much other people think. I see people getting into cabs with shopping all the time and I don’t think about them at all. Not even a little bit. Total non event.

Hipalong · 17/01/2025 12:13

UnaOfStormhold · 17/01/2025 12:07

Could you present a comparison of the amount it would cost to get someone in to do the work Vs cost of you doing it including materials, bus fare and taxi home?

Much easier and quicker to just tell him to shove it up his hole. 🤷‍♀️

Pokemum24 · 17/01/2025 12:15

Definitely get a cab back! Not sure if this has been mentioned but have you thought of getting a shopping trolley? Life changing! Not just for old ladies you know (I’m 48 and love mine)

LarkinAboot · 17/01/2025 12:15

I love cabs but DH loves them more.
We can't drive. Don't need to drive and tbh learning and insuring now would be very expensive. It's better for the environment and even getting a couple weekly would be cheaper than running a car for us.

Some places a car is absolutely necessary but i think it would be great to get out of the car ownership mindset in places where it isn't - that said the only way that could happen is with reliable, affordable public transport and that we most certainly don't have.

godmum56 · 17/01/2025 12:15

"AIBU to 'treat' myself on occasion to this, or is DH right it's too much? Is he afraid I will be judged getting into a cab and people will suspect I must be getting into a cab because I've had a licence taken away? I've never been able to drive due to a sight restriction, but DH has never been inspired to learn. We are entering our 50's now so that is unlikely to change."

If he doesn't shop or help you to do it he doesn't get ANY say on how its done....and I'd expect more than washing up from him if you are the DIY-er. Provided you aren't struggling financlally and genuinely do have to watch the pennies (been there earlier in my life) then its up to you entirely on how you manage. If he whinges again tell him to STFU.

Differentstarts · 17/01/2025 12:16

Your an adult you don't need to justify yourself to anyone

gamerchick · 17/01/2025 12:18

Tell your husband he either shuts his cake hole or he takes over the shopping completely.

You don't need to justify fuck all to him. The cheek!

lazyarse123 · 17/01/2025 12:22

I echo everyone else. He either does the heavy lifting or shuts the fuck up.

eightIsNewNine · 17/01/2025 12:25

He has a choice between coming with you and carrying all the stuff home on the bus himself, and agreeing that using a taxi is a sensible option.

We did the exercise some PP suggested - we estimated how much it would cost us to own and run a car, it's quite a lot. So we decided to put half the amount to a virtual taxi&rental cars pot, use car as a service as much as we need and re-evaluate if we spend It.
Few years later, we still aren't close to that.

Twaddlepip · 17/01/2025 12:26

During the last few years, I'm finding it harder physically to get about as soon as I have a few bags of shopping I would usually manage on the bus. I'm not especially large - a size 14 though approaching 50

OP! You’re in your 40s! The way you wrote I thought you’d say you were in retirement!

Aside from the very strange (to me) lack of driving in any part of your family, you’re free to do as you want. Lugging paint on a bus sounds totally frigging awful, so I don’t blame you for getting a cab.

I know you love him, but your husband sounds like a lazy, controlling tightwad to me. 😬

canipetthatdawggg · 17/01/2025 12:30

As a fellow chronic pain sufferer I say get the taxi!

But also maybe consider a shopping trolley. I have one that looks a lot like a small suitcase and it's great.

FeralWoman · 17/01/2025 12:46

YANBU. Your DH is. Get the taxi. If he doesn’t like that then he’d better hurry up and learn to drive before the shame consumes him. I don’t drive either. Too anxious. I’d be a danger on the roads. DH drives and will drive me if possible otherwise I use taxis/Ubers if needed. Bus to shops and taxi home sounds like a great plan.

Quitelikeit · 17/01/2025 12:51

A half decent man would help his wife carry the load especially if she was in pain

He is a tight miser

I bet he has a massive savings pot too?

ColonelRhubarbBikini · 17/01/2025 12:58

YANBU. Tell him if he’s so bloody bothered he can do it next time.

As an aside our local service (Arriva) won’t accept people bringing paint or some other DIY goods on the bus. There was a poster up about it a while ago on the buses. So even if you could manage it they may refuse you.

Ginmonkeyagain · 17/01/2025 12:58

I am not much younger than you and manage to carry shopping home on the bus fine (heavy items get delivered). Is there a specific cause of your hip and shoulder pain (like arthritis?) or do you need to do some physio/strengthening exercise?

Anyway YANBU to get a cab back with heavy items, pain or not.

devilspawn · 17/01/2025 13:00

I used to live in Greater Manchester and found the public transport awful, takes forever to get literally anywhere from the suburbs which doesn't help, but there was about one bus every half hour. I live in a city with amazing public transport now.

I do my shopping online though as my pain won't tolerate standing in queues too long.