Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please Don’t Pray For Me

64 replies

PrayAway2Day · 16/01/2025 23:20

I have a serious health condition and it’s important that I get lots of rest for my recovery and to function, work etc.

I used to have a neighbour who sat in every day with her distressed child screaming for hours and never took them out (they said no sen and I think there was neglect there so that was very upsetting and I reported to SS anonymously to try to get the child help, but that’s another story).

I got in touch and politely explained my situation and asked if there was any compromise we could reach together e.g. maybe we could use different rooms in the house at different times so we didn’t disturb each other as the walls were very thin.

The neighbour didn’t offer to do anything (and didn’t change her behaviour.) I appreciate she was a person of faith (I am not) but in this instance it felt like a real FU.

Do you think people of faith should be more careful offering to pray for others unless they know they are religious? Especially if they aren’t offering any practical or emotional support, it seems like a way to make themselves feel better/crutch to deal with an uncomfortable situation.

YABU?
YANBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
PrayAway2Day · 16/01/2025 23:28

Sorry should have made clear in the OP she didn’t offer to do anything but said she would pray for me.

OP posts:
MumChp · 16/01/2025 23:30

Just ignore it. People often doesn't mean it anyway.

Newyearsurprise · 16/01/2025 23:32

When my lovely mum was dying , my friend offered practical support and prayed for me. It meant a lot to me, even though I am a complete atheist

Greyish2025 · 16/01/2025 23:32

PrayAway2Day · 16/01/2025 23:28

Sorry should have made clear in the OP she didn’t offer to do anything but said she would pray for me.

Did she say it in a patronising way or a heart felt way?

BelperLawnmower · 16/01/2025 23:36

They seem to be two unrelated things. Praying for people: harmless (albeit a waste of time, but it's their time!). Being an inconsiderate neighbour: not harmless, but not connected with praying.

Original poster
PrayAway2Day · 16/01/2025 23:36

Greyish2025 · 16/01/2025 23:32

Did she say it in a patronising way or a heart felt way?

Show quote history

It was by text (only way she was available to communicate) so I don’t know

OP posts:
Original poster
PrayAway2Day · 16/01/2025 23:37

Newyearsurprise · 16/01/2025 23:32

When my lovely mum was dying , my friend offered practical support and prayed for me. It meant a lot to me, even though I am a complete atheist

I think that lovely but different as she was doing something to help. Sorry to hear about the loss of your mum x

OP posts:
LifeExperience · 16/01/2025 23:37

As a person of faith I agree with you. She is using prayer to get out of really helping you, i.e., loving you, and loving God by loving our neighbors is supposed to be the first and highest call for a Christian.

I'm sorry she didn't represent Christ to you as she should have.

FurryBalonz · 16/01/2025 23:41

what @LifeExperience says sums it up. Had she offered to help as well as pray, I expect it wouldn't grate as much. Sometimes people tel me their problems and I remind myself that some people will welcome an offer of prayer, but sometimes people just want a listening ear.

HaddyAbrams · 16/01/2025 23:42

I always check before praying for someone. I always offer practical support if possible too.

Rachmorr57 · 16/01/2025 23:43

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

morbideveningthoughts · 16/01/2025 23:45

Ha! I would have said: Thanks, I’m praying too, hopefully God will answer our prayers and send you an eviction order. Can I get an Amen?

(okay no I wouldn’t say that, but fgs!!)

Thisismyname20 · 16/01/2025 23:50

I'm so confused by this post, your neighbour who you suspect and have reported for neglecting her child but is also religious has offered to pray for your health but will do nothing about the noise in her house? Baffled by this whole thing tbh

Original poster
PrayAway2Day · 16/01/2025 23:52

Thisismyname20 · 16/01/2025 23:50

I'm so confused by this post, your neighbour who you suspect and have reported for neglecting her child but is also religious has offered to pray for your health but will do nothing about the noise in her house? Baffled by this whole thing tbh

That was the situation. I was baffled and upset by it

OP posts:
healthybychristmas · 16/01/2025 23:53

I would have to say there's no need to pray for me just keep the bloody noise down.

CulturalNomad · 16/01/2025 23:53

In general when someone offers to pray for me I interpret it as them wishing me well. You don't need to be a religious person to appreciate good wishes😀

However, in your specific case it appears to be a hollow gesture as your neighbor isn't willing to even attempt to do something that might improve your situation. So basically just an empty platitude.

Although to be honest it sounds like there's a whole lot going on with your neighbor.

Bogginsthe3rd · 16/01/2025 23:53

Sending thoughts and prayers about your situation OP 🙏

Greyish2025 · 16/01/2025 23:54

PrayAway2Day · 16/01/2025 23:52

That was the situation. I was baffled and upset by it

Show quote history

The neighbour could be dealing with a ND child and is struggling, now she possibly has to deal with accusations of child abuse

Why do you think there could be child abuse going on?

StormingNorman · 16/01/2025 23:57

If you don’t believe in a god, then whether she prays or not makes no difference to you. She may as well be talking to a wall.

If you do believe in a god, then accept her prayer irrespective of whether it’s the same god or not. It’s the act of kindness that counts.

Original poster
PrayAway2Day · 16/01/2025 23:57

Greyish2025 · 16/01/2025 23:54

The neighbour could be dealing with a ND child and is struggling, now she possibly has to deal with accusations of child abuse

Why do you think there could be child abuse going on?

Show quote history

asked the neighbour and they said they’d been to GP and they said no sen/ND. In that situation after months of hearing a distressed child screaming and parents doing nothing what would you do? Surely better to report snd SS could intervene if needed? Perhaps even identify a problem and assist?

OP posts:
Original poster
PrayAway2Day · 16/01/2025 23:59

StormingNorman · 16/01/2025 23:57

If you don’t believe in a god, then whether she prays or not makes no difference to you. She may as well be talking to a wall.

If you do believe in a god, then accept her prayer irrespective of whether it’s the same god or not. It’s the act of kindness that counts.

It was the context of asking for her help and then her offering to pray instead that was the issue more I think

OP posts:
Notgivenuphope · 17/01/2025 00:00

I am a very devout person of faith and here is my perspective:

She needs to shut her child up and keep her prayers private. Being demonstrative about prayer when it isn’t requested is just performance worship and not genuine. If she actually wanted to pray for you, she can do so in private. She is just antisocial and rude and using her supposed beliefs to pretend to you that she is decent.
And that child ought to be in school, not hollering so loud that you can hear it through the wall. Jesus may have said ‘let the children come to me’ in Matthew’s gospel but noise like that would have tried even his patience.

TypingoftheDead · 17/01/2025 00:02

StormingNorman · 16/01/2025 23:57

If you don’t believe in a god, then whether she prays or not makes no difference to you. She may as well be talking to a wall.

If you do believe in a god, then accept her prayer irrespective of whether it’s the same god or not. It’s the act of kindness that counts.

Would have been kind to help the OP. It’s hard to know what tone a text is written in, too - she could have been being sarcastic for all we know.

jackstini · 17/01/2025 00:55

As a Christian, I would not do or say that

Loving your neighbour is of paramount importance and I have always been taught that the way to handle problems is:
If you can do something to help a situation - you get on and do it, plus pray if that is wanted
If there is no way you can do anything tangible - you just pray

I would always ask a person if they wanted me to pray for/with them though - not just tell them I was!

Orangeandgold · 17/01/2025 01:01

As someone who believes, if someone needs prayer, you can pray for them if they are in your heart. I have been in situations where prayer has felt performative, and that sucks because everyone leaves feeling awkward. I defiantly think do something practical and useful first, and once you know someone or if you can feel that the person needs to hear a prayer, then offering a prayer can be beneficial.