Please Don’t Pray For Me

[PrayAway2Day]

I have a serious health condition and it’s important that I get lots of rest for my recovery and to function, work etc.

I used to have a neighbour who sat in every day with her distressed child screaming for hours and never took them out (they said no sen and I think there was neglect there so that was very upsetting and I reported to SS anonymously to try to get the child help, but that’s another story).

I got in touch and politely explained my situation and asked if there was any compromise we could reach together e.g. maybe we could use different rooms in the house at different times so we didn’t disturb each other as the walls were very thin.

The neighbour didn’t offer to do anything (and didn’t change her behaviour.) I appreciate she was a person of faith (I am not) but in this instance it felt like a real FU.

Do you think people of faith should be more careful offering to pray for others unless they know they are religious? Especially if they aren’t offering any practical or emotional support, it seems like a way to make themselves feel better/crutch to deal with an uncomfortable situation.

YABU?
YANBU?

Why would you check? The thing is that if you want to pray for me, go ahead and do it but there is no need to tell me. In fact, you telling me that puts me in an uncomfortable position because then I have to acknowledge you doing it and thank you for doing it which I don't really want to but have to do out of politeness.

Assumption that they are Christian? Did I miss that from the OP?

I always graciously accept prayers. Believer or not, it has nice intentions

In this situation, of course it’s not reasonable and it’s borderline offensive. She’s using it as a sticking plaster to make herself feel better.

In other situations, and I’m an atheist, I don’t mind at all.

My best friend since childhood (who’s basically the sister I never had) is a committed Christian and she sometimes prays for me, which just feels like love, to be honest. When a youngish relative was dying (she didn’t know him) she asked if it was OK for her church group to pray for him (for comfort, not for a miracle cure or anything), which again just felt like love and kindness. The world needs more of that, I think?

I have had people pray for me and my family at various times. I see it as doing absolutely no harm and just because I don't believe in a God doesn't mean there isn't one!

Your case is slightly different though and I would be pissed off too. Perhaps suggest the little one learns to pray with her, in silence?

If she has a baby who is screaming at all times perhaps she doesn't have the time or energy to offer practical help.

She likely means we'll but because a) you are pissed about the noise and b) perhaps you are an intolerable avoid atheist you have taken her prayer offer really badly. It does you no harm really.
Can you let this go and try to focus on something else? Otherwise gently tell her you don't need her prayers.

I would sssime she can’t facilitate your request, which does seem quite onerous. Only using certain rooms in her own house, it is a bit much to ask of anyone. Clearly she is caring for someone with special needs of some kind, regardless of whether you know the details or not.

You need solutions of your own. Moving to the other side of your house. Headphones, white nose. Ear plugs etc,

I appreciate you aren’t well, but maybe it’s time to move? A more permanent solution.

Prayibg for you is irrelevant and was meant kindly I expect.

I can't imagine she enjoys sitting in with a distressed child day in day out, no one would. By all means report if you think the child is being abused but honestly I think you were unreasonable to ask her to keep the noise down - it'll be a hundred times louder for her and I would guess she's tried.

She either meant it sincerely or she meant it as a "fuck off", I kind of think either are fair enough in the circumstances.

Speaking personally as a Christian, prayer is quite an emotional commitment. People think the offer of prayer is an empty gesture, but earnest prayer takes time and concentration. Some people are extremely generous with their prayers and I am always extra appreciative when I ask them to throw some extra prayer support my way.

Does she know you reported her to social services?

Is her child now out of the house and going to school etc?

I'm not religious but if it makes them feel better and like they are being supportive somehow then they can knock themselves out

You said you "used to have a neighbour..." so you don't any more?

I appreciate you have health difficulties but to ask a neighbour who is already struggling to not live freely in their own home with their child who you have worries about seems a bit of an expectation. Her offering a prayer is neither here nor there. If you are a believer and you think it comes from a good place then that's all good, if you aren't a believer or question her motive then ignore it and don't give it head space.

Well in your specific situation, it's not great as she didn't engage with your request to do a small thing that would actually help in a practical way. It might have been difficult for her though, noise from children is difficult to reasonably do much about and it sounds like there more issues there. The family might have been struggling.

Generally though, YABU. When people say they will pray for someone it is just a nice gesture that shows they are thinking of them and hoping for the best.

I'm not religious but my grandma often used to tell me I was 'in her prayers' and I found that very sweet.

It doesn’t bother me at all. It’s the same thing as saying “thoughts and prayers” . People just say these things without really meaning anything at all. And even if someone did pray for me what’s the harm ?
I know what you mean though, would be nicer if she offered to sort out the noise.

It's a kind of groady title really. I'm sure you believe it makes no odds to you if she does or not. Is she from somewhere else at all? It could be cultural. It sounds like she's hugely struggling It must be exhausting for you both but you could try ear plugs perhaps

There's more to this story, I think

We live next door to the local vicar and his wife. We had 7 years of their building work and , 4 years in , their son got a working breed dog that herded everything by constantly barking at it. We spoke to them repeatedly about the noise. They both do that patronising 'head on the side sing-song vicar voice' thing when you speak to them. Told us repeatedly that they would pray for guidance with the dog. In the end my husband lost his temper, told them to just shut the fuck up or we'd contact the council and raise an environmental nuisance issue. God seems to have told them to do this as we haven't seen the dog since and it's all silent. Cannot be bothered with the praying nonsense.

I wouldn’t be taking it so seriously, just move on.

What help did you offer her when she told you she’d gone to the gp about her child as their behaviour made her suspect ND?

it sounds like she is struggling with really tricky behaviour which she has informed her GP about, and all you did was report her to social services and passive aggressive ask for her ‘help’ managing YOUR medical condition by getting her child to be quiet.

can you really not see this from her perspective?

I hate the “I’ll pray for you” people. It doesn’t mean anything.

My DS has a chronic condition and we’ve had really bad spells of illness and hospital stays. Some family members (I was raised Catholic but rescinded my religion as soon as I left home but have a somewhat religious family) in tough times have said this. I just wanted to say “Well actually it would help if you could pick my eldest up from school or maybe bring some food over rather than praying”

This isn't about whether the prayer is actually useful. It is about the neighbour using the sentence "I'll pray for you" to mean "fuck off".

I am struggling to imagine the exchange where you complained about the noise and she replied that she would pray for you, unless she meant it in a nasty way.

I’ve had people say this (in more normal contexts) and it doesn’t bother me at all- I just take it as their equivalent of “I’ll be thinking of you” or “I wish you well” which are also of no practical use but just express good wishes.

I really doubt that the Neighbour would have said 'I'm not going to do anything about this. Praying for you though.'

Keeping Someone in their prayers, is the equivalent of saying I'm keeping everything crossed for you. Whether you're religious or not, it's just something that people say when they want to wish you well.

You don’t need to tell people you are praying for them but that’s beside the point. She’s being an arse over the noise. Would noice cancelling headphones help as people like her are usually incapable of changing their ways.